An Apology to BSO and BSU.
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Skype dates. JFC.
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@tempest said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
That sounds creepy.
Creepy basically sums this guy up, IMO.
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@wolfs said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
I don't think this went the way TC thought it would.
Who's TC? Am I being slow?
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@downwithopp said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
What happened with Snowglass was unacceptable. If I made her uncomfortable
In light of how the thread developed and the numerous posts, let me just highlight that from your original post and say the answer is probably, 'it is a safe bet you did'.
I'd take from this thread that if you have an inner voice going, 'Hey would this be uncomfortable' the answer is always yes, and do not do that thing.
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@tek TC = Topic Creator
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@apu
Marcus and Alastair -
I can't remember if I ever RPed with him as them although I do remember paging him as Alastair and asking if he was my friend who often uses that name or something close to that. Uggggggggh.
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Maybe it’s just me, but this whole topic seems to be a way for the OP to continue their weirdness with people who they might not otherwise have access to because they’ve been banned/blocked.
OP, this is transparent and gross. If someone turns you down, dont keep contacting them. You’ve enough history of pursuing and bothering people across frameworks and games (including PMing people unwelcoming it here, and applying sad sop/passive aggressive/outright aggressive pressure I hope the mods consider banning you.
It’s pretty gross to use a public forum to continue contact with people who you’ve already made uncomfortable. It’s wrong.
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@mietze One of the people that I addressed, @faraday has already talked to me. The rest can or cannot. That's up to them. I'm doing what I need to to make a change and stepping away for a while. I need to work on me, because I did stuff wrong and I need to work on that. Whatever you think of that - well, that's on you and anyone else on this thread.
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And adding, luckily I've never had the misfortune of having to RP with you on any game that I know of, I've played on BSO and spinoff but only saw the fallout you left behind with the people that you really weirded out.
To a point it really doesn't matter what your intentions are. Clearly you are not someone who can have normal boundary relations with people on a game. Like this has been years of this now, yeah? So if you like to play, play. But maybe just don't chat about your personal life or try to find out about others. Some people can do that and be friendly and make other people feel warm and fuzzy. You clearly can't. If you really give a shit about these people you have weirded out, then stop doing it.
Also, IC suicide for OOC manipulation is fucking gross. For me personally, that is the one thing that will make me deep six ever getting remotely involved with a player in RP or otherwise if I see them pull that sad, grotesque boundary crossing behavior with others. Yuck.
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@downwithopp I'm going to preemptively apologize to @tek because I'm going to mention your interaction, including posting PMs, and your reaction to someone not taking your "apology" the way that perhaps you thought they should/would--clearly you STILL have major, MAJOR boundary issues. That communication was extremely inappropriate, and manipulative.
I'm glad that you are having a good conversation with @faraday. That's wonderful. But you know, naming someone as responding favorably to your apologetic advances unlike others will also be taken as weirdness and kind of manipulative also.
Especially in public.
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@mietze said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
I'm glad that you are having a good conversation with @faraday. That's wonderful. But you know, naming someone as responding favorably to your apologetic advances unlike others will also be taken as weirdness and kind of manipulative also.
I said thank you for the apology. Beyond that, I'd just as soon be left out of this.
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@mietze It's cool. I made that shit public and since it's public, it's open for comment. My final comment on his last post is that it's not up to the people who were wronged to seek him out for a conversation about whatever he thinks he needs to say.
Also, this is a largely anonymous hobby. He can start fresh whenever he wants to. If he seriously means what he says about learning about boundaries, he could MUSH with us forever and we'd never even know it was him. I guess what I'm saying is words are nice, but action is more meaningful.
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You say you need to change but I really don't see any sign that you are trying. Knowing what I do, having seen it second-hand as well as experiencing it myself, every damn thing you've said comes across as yet another attempt to manipulate people, all in the candy-coated guise of an apology to those you've wronged.
Speaking for myself, since that's the only person I can speak for, I find you to be repugnant and it makes me feel sick to know you're back (assuming you ever even left to begin with), doing the same horrible thing to good people who do not deserve your shit. You run away instead of accepting responsibility for your actions, as has been proven on The Reach and BSO, adding another level of bullshit to an already pretty fucking large bullshit sandwich.
Anyhow, I am preemptively, and publicly, requesting that you do not try to contact me here.
"Just leave me alone. I'm not myself. I'm falling apart, and I don't want you here." - ― Daniel Keyes, Flowers for Algernon
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@apu
Even in this thread, he lies about others, attempts to misdirect to others, tries to misrepresent other people... At no point does he well and truly take responsibility.
I appreciate this thread for one thing. I have been wanting the community to see his behavior for what it is for some time now, but it has not been my place because to do so (myself) would have required telling other peoples' stories, which I could not (would not) have done.
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I think this topic has gone way beyond the mildly-constructive point and gone straight into Hogpit territory.
While I do understand that there have been people who have been hurt on an emotional level at some point in time by @DownWithOPP, we have ventured into a territory of baiting and blasting - neither of which seem to be overly conducive or even mildly-constructive in any way.
As someone who has played with @DownWithOPP once or twice over my lengthy tenure online, I do agree there has been a pattern to his behavior. However, it takes a lot to bare apologies on a forum like this and I do feel we need to give a bit of credit where it is due. Is he sincere?
Honestly, there is no way to know for certain as only time will tell. However, I cannot help but think this is a 'glass house' situation. When you are online for a lengthy period of time, it is highly likely that each and every one of us at some point in our hobby has wronged another. At least he has taken the first step to make an open and public apology. Could it be too little too late? Well, that is up for the people issued the apology to decide, not us.
This is a perfect threaded example of how something benign can denigrate pretty quickly into nothing more than thrashing. If this were a 'hogpit' post? Fine. But right now? It's pretty unbecoming of the category it is in. There have been a few constructive posts, such as @KDraygo, but it has pretty much derailed from there.
I also feel like this is something that falls to either @Arkandel or @Ganymede to address since @Auspice has only assisted to escalate the baiting of this post.
I get I am not administration on the forums, nor would I ever wish to be. I also understand that they are currently evaluating the standards and protocols by which they wish to govern the boards. I realize per previous threads that there was confusion between when an administrator is 'administrating' and when they are speaking as a general poster... and I do feel it is clear that @Auspice is speaking as a poster and not an Administrator in this thread.
However, my recommendation would be that if this thread is to be moved (and I personally feel it should be), it should be done by someone without an already expressed openly invested interest in the topic such as @Auspice has already proven.
Again, this is just my $0.02 worth and it's probably not even worth that.
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Yeah, I think it should go to the Pit.
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@carnivale The thing about apologies -- this applies to even the most sincere and heartfelt ones, and I'm not saying anything about whether this is that or not -- is that you can't force someone to accept them.
Don't get me wrong; even an insincere apology -- and I am not saying this is that, either -- that entails describing what one did wrong in such detail is difficult and awkward.
That doesn't make any difference at all regarding the above; you can't demand someone accept it.
All you can do, at that point, if you are sincerely remorseful, is quietly change the pattern of behavior that caused harm, and hope it makes a difference. Even difficult words are ultimately cheap. Action is less so, but dancing around and pointing to how much you've changed because you want something -- be it attention, kudos, or even forgiveness -- isn't the kind of action that is required.
Change is expensive, but a positive change will typically pay you back in earnest. It may not be in the currency you're expecting, or from the things you want, but it will.
As a bystander here, it looks like there's a lot that was left out of the story here that actually matters to a lot of people who were directly impacted by what was disclosed, and a lot of things that weren't. I'm not going to criticize any of the posters here for relating their experiences, no matter what other roles they may have on the board or on any given game.
General thing: if you don't want to receive PMs from someone, if you click on their user icon and go to their user page, there is an 'ignore chats from' option on one of the dropdowns. (On the dark layout I use, it's on the blue circle with the line of three vertical dots off to the right on the user page. Ignore posts is there, too.) I stumbled across this a ways back and it's less known than the 'click on the little eye thingie on the posts' method of ignoring posts, and the ignore PMs option is I think only accessible there.
