Hi all.

I just wanted to pop in to explain that the last couple of days I have mostly been away due to needing to try to avoid emotional spillover over what has been happening here into areas of my life I couldn't afford to be a wreck for. (Honestly the community here IS part of my "RL" so it's not that this community isn't an important and valid part of my life).

This was NOBODY'S FAULT. Some of it was the worst timing in the world due to things outside of MSB stretching me very thin emotionally and mentally. NOBODY IS TO BLAME FOR THIS. I want to make this clear.

I told Gany immediately when I could feel myself entering the danger zone (Again this has everything to do with things going on for me health wise and not anyone's fault). We were in the process of discussing things when things started to cascade (I wasn't keeping up with the boards at the time because I was more paying attention to our conversation and when I finally had a chance to start to catch up I became overwhelmed and knew I was having an extremely out of sync and inappropriate mental/emotional reaction and I needed to go quickly because none of you deserve having to deal with that too on top of everything else that was going on here and more importantly out in the world at large). I was immediately supported. I feel that this is important for people to know.

In retrospect maybe I should have posted a note but i could not at the time. I'm struggling with posting this one. But it wasn't anyone else's place to disclose why I was suddenly absent.

I'm hoping that after the weekend I will have at least some of the things outside of MSB settled more so that I have space to catch up and be able to think intentionally rather than being pure reaction.

I'm here because I really do care about this community, because it has been such a vital part of my larger community of support in my life (and people in it will continue to be no matter what or who stays or goes). I am asking for your patience that I need some time to digest/catch up and need some space to deal with a few immediate things outside of it and to try to pull my shit together a little more before I can tackle that. this would still be happening probably even everyone had been hugging fluffy bunnies and unicorns the last 48 hours. MSB blowup has been merely the sprinkles on the fully frosted cupcake of the rest of my mental/emotional state, but it was something that I couldn't handle at that time and need a little more breathing. I am pretty sure that you guys understand.

Do not use this board as a means to harass people via PM because you no longer have access to them in game.

Do not bring people's real life into your communication with them uninvited.

I have banned him pending conversation with the other mods, but I am pretty sure that the ban will continue.

If this individual or any other continues to contact people here with RL info or unwanted contact by PM please alert any moderator or all of us ASAP.

Two things had me ugly crying in the car yesterday. Sorry, this is really long.

I need to preface this by saying that my eldest kid came out to us as genderqueer 4 years ago, and trans 2 years ago. I think it was his way of softening the perceived blow. Luckily for us we have always had a very diverse group of friends so we were not afraid of /him/...just other people outside of our bubble, and extended family. We decided to proceed with coming out at his directed pace.

Junior high was very difficult. The administration at his school was not super friendly even to gay students, so his decision was to be out as queer, but not transgender. Over those two years I saw my quirky teen turn into someone who rarely smiled, was quiet even amongst close friends, grades plummeting, anxiety skyrocketing. There is surprisingly not a whole lot of support for trans youth that's accessible in our area, but we found bits and pieces and he finally got together a local face to face network of support, friends at all stages, and adults who have been there too.

So this year at his first year of local high school, he decided to be totally out at school and in the community (not yet extended far away and very religious and bigoted family). I have my child back, finally. I can't believe how much lighter and freer in the world he is, though of course there is pushback too.

Anyway--clothes shopping used to be fun for him ages ago but he's had some horrible experiences and comments when he was still semi-closeted in community. He's been hiding in dad's hand me downs and tees when this is our one kid that really loves fashion and always has. He asked his girlfriend to homecoming though and she wanted to wear a semiformal dress, so--suit shopping.

But he...doesn't fit the mold for most menswear to say the least, his dad is 50 and hasn't worn even business casual for like 20 years at this point, and I have the men's fashion sense of a hole in the ground.

So we went to an upscale department store. And I found the youngest most hipster looking staff person there on the sportswear section and asked him to help. He did not look at my son weirdly, or ask if we were in the right section or act overly fawning or condescending. Instead he asked my son if he had a picture of his date's outfit and let's get this done. He put together a great perfect outfit, educated my son about the kinds of brands/styles that would fit and look best for his body, etc. when we were done my son could not stop grinning or looking in the mirror, and that is the first time I'd seen that happen since he was my very little girl putting together outfits from the dress up box and parading in glee.

I almost lost it in the fitting room lounge. And yes, I am writing a handwritten card to that lovely man so I can bring it over to the store later. I just burst into tears after every other line so I'm giving myself the weekend. Jesus Christ menswear is expensive but it was worth every penny and I hope he works on commission!

Second, with less of a story, is seeing the delight on my son's gf's face when she saw his outfit, and they let me take a picture before running off arm in arm to join their waiting group of friends. She's a wonderful kiddo that we've known for years. And when I picked them up after the dance to drop off home, hearing them laugh and tell me excitedly about what went on and how much fun they had--I almost lost it again. For at least a little while longer, my baby is still safe in our little community bubble we've built.

Ally Steinfeld has been on my mind all weekend. There are people out there who would happily murder and mutilate my son because of who he is, to say nothing of the drive to take away his personhood even in our state and federally.

But at least for a little while longer he can live in this bubble of fiercely protective friends, church community (we are UUs), and allies. And my tears yesterday were ones of joy and gratefulness.

There are so many reasons why this could be.

I see you.

To those like me who it's been a very painful "holiday" because of a strained or non-existant or acrimonious relationship with your own mother, be kind to yourself tomorrow.

I used to feel ill when looking at cards that I felt like I needed to make/purchase. There's no greeting cards (though in this era maybe there finally is now!) where it says "Sorry I was your biggest disappointment." or "Yeah, sometimes I hate you too, bitch." or "I know that nothing will ever be good enough, but now you can tell your friends you got a mother's day card too, so let's pretend it's a nice one and call it good."

I've been lucky to be able to have kids by choice (not because I felt I needed to, and my biology was cooperative, I realize that is fortune rather than anything else). It's nice to get a homemade thing or to go out to dinner, but I worry about all the kids pressured to do this shit at school who grew up like me, or who had an absent parent. So even then, it's always been a day that's uncomfortable. I don't think my kids should be grateful because I got knocked up or kept them alive. If they don't think about that at all then I'll consider that a success.

So today and tomorrow I'm trying to not to think too much about the person who I'll never be good enough for (they've told me as much for almost a half century now, haven't changed their minds and I assume will not in the future). But for all the people (regardless of gender)--lovers, friends, teachers, kind strangers, mentors--who have been there to help guide me and shape me in a positive way. Especially for those who have shown me that there isn't just one way to be feminine, a woman, or a parent and that I'm okay. Who did not take advantage of vulnerability and instead of attacking were nurturing. Who have definitely helped me learn how to give and receive grace better than I would have otherwise, something that has helped me not to rip up my children like I was ripped up. Some of you are even here, who helped with that and you don't even know it--maybe someday I'll have the courage to tell you.

You don't need a nice, kind, or nurturing mom to be worth a damn, and if yours couldn't see that precious in you, human to human, it was really them that was broken, not you. You are absolutely worthy. And if you've nurtured others, regardless of if it was as a parent, friend, partner, teacher, kind stranger, or mentor--thank you. Especially if you feel like that care and love goes into the void. Not that it doesn't suck if you don't see what happens as a result...but it's not wasted. Thank you.

I have found/been found by relatives on my biological father's side of my heretofore unknown family tree. I have a half-brother. Since I do not want to risk destroying anyone's holidays I will send a letter after them (to bio father) with some info and to leave contact, if any, up to him. I do have reason to believe that it isn't unwelcome.

I snooped and looked at half-brother's webpage. My twins look so much like him it made me cry.

My adoptive family experience was significantly fucked up enough for me to be very careful to have absolutely no expectations (except for the worst).

But still. It's another piece of my past solved.

Not a hard call. Permanent ban is now in place.

Since not everyone frequents the politics forum, this user has been banned.

There are a myriad of ways to be hurtful and insulting to people here and to express your opinions almost as profanely as you want to. Anti-Semitic comments is one that is not.

While not every report is going to escalate to the point of banning when things do cross the line, when you especially see things that cross the lines of forum rules, please report them. Without the report that came in last night, I think it probably would have been a little while longer before any of us saw it. While I do try to skim everything once a day, honestly if RL is super busy I do not always get to it. So thank you very, very much to that reporter.

I am sorry that the rest of the people on that forum had to log in to see that.

I am at work and so I cannot properly moderate what's going on. Having been made aware of the picture posted, I have put a temp ban on @Carex until another mod can take a look. Unfortunately i cannot move the picture post in question for which I apologize, hopefully one of the admin will remove it soon or move it to the admin area .

Sorry guys. I am limited in what I can do right now due to being at work and will not be home for several hours.

That feeling when you are hitting your stride and enjoying yourself with absolutely no having to deal with OOC drama on a MU for the first time in like 5 years.

I really love my tailor/lady's maid and my knight on Arx. Even the BaRP is fun. I can tolerate huge spammy scenes better than I have in a long while, I think, because I have some solid RP partners that really give me the character developing depth (Even though it's not always nice or pleasant IC, or it goes in a direction I way did not expect!) that I crave, so the big events are just enjoyable ways to meet new folks and see if there's other people who seem like a good match for smaller scenes.

I haven't been as excited about/enjoyed thinking about and planning for even in off hours about a character in years. So much thanks to those who took a chance and really gave me something to sink my teeth into, and who have been wonderful collaborators in building things up! And if there's any people who'd like to play with me and haven't and want to see if our PCs click, feel free to hit me up!

It's just nice to be...happy about a place. And not stressed or feeling down because people are dumping shitbuckets all over you OOCly!

Celebrating my 18th Anniversary to the dude I met in the bank on Shadowrun Seattle MUSH 23 years ago (and TSed the shit out of like that afternoon, lol). Not too shabby. I think there are something like at least 10+ teens alive today due to SR Seattle! I still remember trying to explain how we met to mundane people (this was before the advent of online dating!) and I remember my dad stopping me and saying "you know, maybe I do not need to know."

I have friends (including on this board) in the mushing community that have known us both even before we got together and shared that journey with us. So here's to a couple of decades of great friends as well, and hoping for a couple of more.

@Arkandel yes, people are seeking closure that is simply never going to happen. I count myself in that, because I'm stupid. And yet, also human. However, I have seen this play out many times in RL, and also know it's part of the process. People will sort out eventually where they are most welcome. But honestly, it's been like 2 months. For some people that's enough time, for others it won't be. Maybe I shouldn't care, but I do.

@reimesu what people protecting mental health? That has nothing to do with why the other board was created either.

A situation got out of control. Many things could have been handled better. They were not. And now there are two places with a lot of overlap and some distance that was a long time coming. There is still going to be hurt over it for awhile and it isn't one sided.

@reimesu I am sorry, but that is simply not true. A bunch of people were kicked out of this community many of whom never used profanity and in fact some of whom posted less frequently after asks to stop than a few posters who were never banned.

This board has been a community for them. A lot of people were reeling and wondering WTF happened. But the people who no longer felt welcome and those who were banned from here didn't want to lose community and so they made a new one.

The other community was starting to be formed before the new rules changes were even in effect.

Some people are going to be distressed about it for awhile. That's going to happen any time there's a blow up. And this one was a big one.

I would echo that the answer is different depending on what community you're talking about.

I also think that Gany is right on the money about time, and letting people sort themselves out how they wish.

The amount of active people on message boards is so very small. The vast majority of folks on games don't learn their lessons from message boards, they just report things after they see the light. It's an experiential thing, which is why it's hard for people to really learn until it happens to them or they have evidence from people who are trusted. So I think everyone is healthier and contributes to a healthier environment if they don't think they are going to be some savior of the community for what they post somewhere, because they're just...not going to be. It's just not how it works in human nature. I do think boards have a good role in helping people feel less alone when they have experienced something and can see other people chime in about theirs. But even then it's double edged because there will and always have been people that scoff and dismiss. Or people who use vagueness or twist the truth a bit to try and turn the critical eye towards people they don't like.

In a wider community, there's always going to be people that don't like each other, that annoy the shit out of each other, that hold grudges, don't trust, listen to their friends or whoever is giving them the best goodies over other people's experiences. There's misinterpretations. Hurt that isn't easily repaired. That's true for PTA groups, individual churches, community orgs, a dorm hall, friends-and-aquaintenaces networks, an office, ect.

Sometimes it's not really something to repair in the sense of making everyone feel at home and comfortable. Sometimes it's just accepting what you can do, what you can't do, and that other people are where they are and it's very possible that there really isn't a "one true way" to do/look at/feel about most things.

Yeah. I think that's why I am not sure one can "incentivize" failure per se. (Also, if we're talking about coded stuff like rewards for purposefully bombing rolls, I think there's also an element of that's great for that person involved, but what about the other people in the scene/on the team who didn't denotate their roll and were striving to accomplish the objective, who now don't get to do so AND also don't get the reward since they didn't choose to fail oocly? It gets complicated real fast. Especially if the bomber doesn't want their PC perceived ICly as a saboteur, I'm not so sure they should get to have all those benefits for choosing to be an ooc one.)

I think if we want to IC failure to be the story driving tool that it has so much potential to be, that is far less about policy and code and almost everything to do with culture both player side and staff side.

I think it would be helpful if people stopped making value judgements about someone who feels a momentary pang when something doesn't go their way. A lot of people are quick to jump aggressively on the FAILURE IS FUN!!!!!!!! soapbox (especially when it comes to how other people should feel). I know I can tend to be that way because I personally enjoy hamming up botches and the like personally (I'm sure that's annoying in its own right).

But some people just don't have lucky dice. Or they have less access to scenes that they get to participate in that are very relevant to who their pc is/what they were built for. Yes, failure is an awesome character development arc, but what if you only get to use those skills every 6 months or so, and you just by luck of the roll fail every single use of that skill in front of the group. Unless it's an open +sheet game they don't KNOW that the PC is competent. And people sometimes can and do make comments when someone looks like they've not invested in the skills (unless the game cracks down on people being unkind about rolls).

After seeing one friend in particular who is really awesomely statted get to finally go to a really important, pivotal battle scene and fail everything and as a result get KOed early (while keeping a brave OOC face on and cheering other people on, but feeling horrible about it and being sidelined early), I think people should have some compassion too. That's an extreme, but I do think a lot of people do feel a momentary "awww, man!" moment even for a single failure during an IC character skill choke.

I think it's easier to fail ICly when people aren't judgey ooc about the failure itself, and when they're supportive about someone taking a moment to shake it off, and then move on while making sure there's opportunites for more RP. The reality is that while failure should lead to more growth opportunities, often times it really usually doesn't, once the scene is over it's done (esp. if was a staff run scene) just like awesome success in a scene doesn't always. I think a supportive environment can do a lot to make whatever it is more fun though.

Right now I have a lot going on in my life.

Since initially needing some time out, there has been a train of stuff that has not eased. I got very ill with a viral non-covid illness. I'm dealing with some stuff with my kids. I have some medical stuff going on where my stress level is quite literally endangering my health/significantly shortening my lifespan (Welcome to everyone else's existence, right?)

I wish I was in a better space to argue, advocate, keep up, ect. But honestly I'm not. O feel like the time I've needed and my slowness is hurting the community now. It is hard to see blame being assigned to Gany for many things that

Please understand that the decision of having more uniform behavior expectations is something I advocated for because of the frequent spillover that were becoming consistently harder to mod (behind the scenes). So if people want to blame someone if things continue in that vein, blame me.

If you are angry that things weren't turned on fast enough or responded too immediately, blame me. I'm the one that hasn't been around. There's no nefariousness by gany or derp with that, and I hope you will believe there's no ill intent on my end either.

While I have laughed, cried, been depressed, been proud of helping to moderate MSB at various times it never felt like a burden and I never dreaded it. That's changing and eveb though i know it is 90 percent non-MSB situational and timing feelings, i know ultimately that's not going to help anyone feelings, and I have been feeling like I've fallen down in so many other places and ways right now at least I can step back here before i do more damage. My feelings for the community haven't changed but when it feels like I'm a hindrance rather than a help it's time to let go. Especially when if I can't be around as much to help. As much as sometimes I want to wring some necks around here at times I do still care about the community here and too many individuals friends and acquaintances to name.

I'm not leaving MSB. I am an infrequent discord user but if someone enjoys me as an individual and wants to keep in touch because they are or they want to in general I'm happy to share my discord username thing via PM. I currently play on Arx and plan to continue to, as RP remains a source of stress relief and enjoyment.

If you want me to send you my stupid meme and pictures of cats and fun game stuff you're more than welcome to contact me, but i don't plan on talking about current events here bc it is painful for me too and I am not in a place where I can adequately process for me much less help others.

I am locking this topic for now, since honestly it doesn't seem to have much of a suggestion, seems to contain a personal attack.

I understand there is anger and/or upset out there. There are a lot of things to unravel. I'm still only partially able to be here due to first illness and now rl being extra, same as everyone else.

It's fine to mention all the ways you don't like something, but we have asked that people don't engage in personal attacks. I don't really see any other way to interpret this one.

Today at work:

In morning carline, one of my students happily told me, "Hey, Miss Mietze, are you ready for the new virus? IT'S COMING FOR US ALL." (said in a very chipper tone) When asked if it was like a computer virus, illness causing virus, or what, he just told me "you'll see!"

During morning work time, two of the kids got in a shouting argument about whether Elsa (from Frozen) was from Guatemala or not. I have no idea where even Guatemala entered this. I thought she was from Arindelle or something like that. When I asked why they thought she lived in Guatemala, they both turned to me and said "what is Guatemala anyway?" and I was like "you tell me, you're the ones arguing about it," and they looked at ME like I was nuts.

Then at circle time we were talking about living/non living things, their characteristics, ect, and went around the circle where everyone got to name a living thing. Then we went around the circle and the kids named a non lving thing. "Paint!" "Carpet!", "the wall!", and finally one of my most sweet faced girls yells out (extremely happily) "DEAD PEOPLE!"

We had a really long recess time today. It wasn't the weirdest day I've had this year, but. At least it is pretty fun.

Also the vampire prince failing a frenzy roll when someone pulled out a cell phone. In the middle of court. What happened after the scene itself was over was not super fun but that particular rp moment was pretty funny as people rightfully turned tail and gfto.