Best posts made by mietze

Hi all.

I just wanted to pop in to explain that the last couple of days I have mostly been away due to needing to try to avoid emotional spillover over what has been happening here into areas of my life I couldn't afford to be a wreck for. (Honestly the community here IS part of my "RL" so it's not that this community isn't an important and valid part of my life).

This was NOBODY'S FAULT. Some of it was the worst timing in the world due to things outside of MSB stretching me very thin emotionally and mentally. NOBODY IS TO BLAME FOR THIS. I want to make this clear.

I told Gany immediately when I could feel myself entering the danger zone (Again this has everything to do with things going on for me health wise and not anyone's fault). We were in the process of discussing things when things started to cascade (I wasn't keeping up with the boards at the time because I was more paying attention to our conversation and when I finally had a chance to start to catch up I became overwhelmed and knew I was having an extremely out of sync and inappropriate mental/emotional reaction and I needed to go quickly because none of you deserve having to deal with that too on top of everything else that was going on here and more importantly out in the world at large). I was immediately supported. I feel that this is important for people to know.

In retrospect maybe I should have posted a note but i could not at the time. I'm struggling with posting this one. But it wasn't anyone else's place to disclose why I was suddenly absent.

I'm hoping that after the weekend I will have at least some of the things outside of MSB settled more so that I have space to catch up and be able to think intentionally rather than being pure reaction.

I'm here because I really do care about this community, because it has been such a vital part of my larger community of support in my life (and people in it will continue to be no matter what or who stays or goes). I am asking for your patience that I need some time to digest/catch up and need some space to deal with a few immediate things outside of it and to try to pull my shit together a little more before I can tackle that. this would still be happening probably even everyone had been hugging fluffy bunnies and unicorns the last 48 hours. MSB blowup has been merely the sprinkles on the fully frosted cupcake of the rest of my mental/emotional state, but it was something that I couldn't handle at that time and need a little more breathing. I am pretty sure that you guys understand.

Do not use this board as a means to harass people via PM because you no longer have access to them in game.

Do not bring people's real life into your communication with them uninvited.

I have banned him pending conversation with the other mods, but I am pretty sure that the ban will continue.

If this individual or any other continues to contact people here with RL info or unwanted contact by PM please alert any moderator or all of us ASAP.

Two things had me ugly crying in the car yesterday. Sorry, this is really long.

I need to preface this by saying that my eldest kid came out to us as genderqueer 4 years ago, and trans 2 years ago. I think it was his way of softening the perceived blow. Luckily for us we have always had a very diverse group of friends so we were not afraid of /him/...just other people outside of our bubble, and extended family. We decided to proceed with coming out at his directed pace.

Junior high was very difficult. The administration at his school was not super friendly even to gay students, so his decision was to be out as queer, but not transgender. Over those two years I saw my quirky teen turn into someone who rarely smiled, was quiet even amongst close friends, grades plummeting, anxiety skyrocketing. There is surprisingly not a whole lot of support for trans youth that's accessible in our area, but we found bits and pieces and he finally got together a local face to face network of support, friends at all stages, and adults who have been there too.

So this year at his first year of local high school, he decided to be totally out at school and in the community (not yet extended far away and very religious and bigoted family). I have my child back, finally. I can't believe how much lighter and freer in the world he is, though of course there is pushback too.

Anyway--clothes shopping used to be fun for him ages ago but he's had some horrible experiences and comments when he was still semi-closeted in community. He's been hiding in dad's hand me downs and tees when this is our one kid that really loves fashion and always has. He asked his girlfriend to homecoming though and she wanted to wear a semiformal dress, so--suit shopping.

But he...doesn't fit the mold for most menswear to say the least, his dad is 50 and hasn't worn even business casual for like 20 years at this point, and I have the men's fashion sense of a hole in the ground.

So we went to an upscale department store. And I found the youngest most hipster looking staff person there on the sportswear section and asked him to help. He did not look at my son weirdly, or ask if we were in the right section or act overly fawning or condescending. Instead he asked my son if he had a picture of his date's outfit and let's get this done. He put together a great perfect outfit, educated my son about the kinds of brands/styles that would fit and look best for his body, etc. when we were done my son could not stop grinning or looking in the mirror, and that is the first time I'd seen that happen since he was my very little girl putting together outfits from the dress up box and parading in glee.

I almost lost it in the fitting room lounge. And yes, I am writing a handwritten card to that lovely man so I can bring it over to the store later. I just burst into tears after every other line so I'm giving myself the weekend. Jesus Christ menswear is expensive but it was worth every penny and I hope he works on commission!

Second, with less of a story, is seeing the delight on my son's gf's face when she saw his outfit, and they let me take a picture before running off arm in arm to join their waiting group of friends. She's a wonderful kiddo that we've known for years. And when I picked them up after the dance to drop off home, hearing them laugh and tell me excitedly about what went on and how much fun they had--I almost lost it again. For at least a little while longer, my baby is still safe in our little community bubble we've built.

Ally Steinfeld has been on my mind all weekend. There are people out there who would happily murder and mutilate my son because of who he is, to say nothing of the drive to take away his personhood even in our state and federally.

But at least for a little while longer he can live in this bubble of fiercely protective friends, church community (we are UUs), and allies. And my tears yesterday were ones of joy and gratefulness.

There are so many reasons why this could be.

I see you.

To those like me who it's been a very painful "holiday" because of a strained or non-existant or acrimonious relationship with your own mother, be kind to yourself tomorrow.

I used to feel ill when looking at cards that I felt like I needed to make/purchase. There's no greeting cards (though in this era maybe there finally is now!) where it says "Sorry I was your biggest disappointment." or "Yeah, sometimes I hate you too, bitch." or "I know that nothing will ever be good enough, but now you can tell your friends you got a mother's day card too, so let's pretend it's a nice one and call it good."

I've been lucky to be able to have kids by choice (not because I felt I needed to, and my biology was cooperative, I realize that is fortune rather than anything else). It's nice to get a homemade thing or to go out to dinner, but I worry about all the kids pressured to do this shit at school who grew up like me, or who had an absent parent. So even then, it's always been a day that's uncomfortable. I don't think my kids should be grateful because I got knocked up or kept them alive. If they don't think about that at all then I'll consider that a success.

So today and tomorrow I'm trying to not to think too much about the person who I'll never be good enough for (they've told me as much for almost a half century now, haven't changed their minds and I assume will not in the future). But for all the people (regardless of gender)--lovers, friends, teachers, kind strangers, mentors--who have been there to help guide me and shape me in a positive way. Especially for those who have shown me that there isn't just one way to be feminine, a woman, or a parent and that I'm okay. Who did not take advantage of vulnerability and instead of attacking were nurturing. Who have definitely helped me learn how to give and receive grace better than I would have otherwise, something that has helped me not to rip up my children like I was ripped up. Some of you are even here, who helped with that and you don't even know it--maybe someday I'll have the courage to tell you.

You don't need a nice, kind, or nurturing mom to be worth a damn, and if yours couldn't see that precious in you, human to human, it was really them that was broken, not you. You are absolutely worthy. And if you've nurtured others, regardless of if it was as a parent, friend, partner, teacher, kind stranger, or mentor--thank you. Especially if you feel like that care and love goes into the void. Not that it doesn't suck if you don't see what happens as a result...but it's not wasted. Thank you.

I have found/been found by relatives on my biological father's side of my heretofore unknown family tree. I have a half-brother. Since I do not want to risk destroying anyone's holidays I will send a letter after them (to bio father) with some info and to leave contact, if any, up to him. I do have reason to believe that it isn't unwelcome.

I snooped and looked at half-brother's webpage. My twins look so much like him it made me cry.

My adoptive family experience was significantly fucked up enough for me to be very careful to have absolutely no expectations (except for the worst).

But still. It's another piece of my past solved.

Not a hard call. Permanent ban is now in place.

Since not everyone frequents the politics forum, this user has been banned.

There are a myriad of ways to be hurtful and insulting to people here and to express your opinions almost as profanely as you want to. Anti-Semitic comments is one that is not.

While not every report is going to escalate to the point of banning when things do cross the line, when you especially see things that cross the lines of forum rules, please report them. Without the report that came in last night, I think it probably would have been a little while longer before any of us saw it. While I do try to skim everything once a day, honestly if RL is super busy I do not always get to it. So thank you very, very much to that reporter.

I am sorry that the rest of the people on that forum had to log in to see that.

I am at work and so I cannot properly moderate what's going on. Having been made aware of the picture posted, I have put a temp ban on @Carex until another mod can take a look. Unfortunately i cannot move the picture post in question for which I apologize, hopefully one of the admin will remove it soon or move it to the admin area .

Sorry guys. I am limited in what I can do right now due to being at work and will not be home for several hours.

That feeling when you are hitting your stride and enjoying yourself with absolutely no having to deal with OOC drama on a MU for the first time in like 5 years.

I really love my tailor/lady's maid and my knight on Arx. Even the BaRP is fun. I can tolerate huge spammy scenes better than I have in a long while, I think, because I have some solid RP partners that really give me the character developing depth (Even though it's not always nice or pleasant IC, or it goes in a direction I way did not expect!) that I crave, so the big events are just enjoyable ways to meet new folks and see if there's other people who seem like a good match for smaller scenes.

I haven't been as excited about/enjoyed thinking about and planning for even in off hours about a character in years. So much thanks to those who took a chance and really gave me something to sink my teeth into, and who have been wonderful collaborators in building things up! And if there's any people who'd like to play with me and haven't and want to see if our PCs click, feel free to hit me up!

It's just nice to be...happy about a place. And not stressed or feeling down because people are dumping shitbuckets all over you OOCly!

Celebrating my 18th Anniversary to the dude I met in the bank on Shadowrun Seattle MUSH 23 years ago (and TSed the shit out of like that afternoon, lol). Not too shabby. I think there are something like at least 10+ teens alive today due to SR Seattle! I still remember trying to explain how we met to mundane people (this was before the advent of online dating!) and I remember my dad stopping me and saying "you know, maybe I do not need to know."

I have friends (including on this board) in the mushing community that have known us both even before we got together and shared that journey with us. So here's to a couple of decades of great friends as well, and hoping for a couple of more.

@tempest of course there are going to be upvotes for any time a staff puts hard limits in place to make things more manageable and sustainable for what they want to do. It doesn't matter if someone likes or dislikes the staff, or is super interested or not interested in the game itself. I think we are at a point where people bothering to think and carve out boundaries for themselves and not be pressured to try and be all things to all people and open themselves up for a rush of people or huge populations or every sphere if that is not something they feel they can handle is finally seen as a good thing

Just got an offer on a new job, giving my 2 weeks notice tomorrow. I will miss my little boss and my other coworkers, and will have to work a little longer but will still get benefits, but no more being ruled by cross sales and survey nps score hell.

@Groth honestly I find myself doing that more and more because I am fucking exhausted after years of trying to maintain relationships with people who want to see people like my kid rounded up and expelled from the country or worse, who are so very quick to scream and tantrum over anything different than what they want to deal with while proclaiming other people snowflakes, ect.

I am exhausted. I am tired of people whining but of course I wasnt talking about your family when they post articles and quotes saying that people like my family/kid are scum of the earth and a danger to society.

It is a very stressful time right now and I think many people have just hit their limit.

At this point in my life, I have to cut down on the external stressors one way or the other, and eliminating people from my active life who gleefully wish harm upon people like me/my family is a simple way.

It doesn't mean that I don't love them.

It doesn't mean I wish THEM harm.

But I am exhausted after years of trying to get them to concede my and my kid's humanity, and they do not want to. Pretty sure none of those people miss me walking away from them, or even notice, since they get more jollies from the people who encourage their way of thinking.

And if it is someone I do not know or have a significant relationship I have to pick and choose what I expend my energy on just to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I dont really care if people agree or not at this point, but I do not have an obligation to engage with people who are not being mindful of me.

Day one of new job today blew me away.

I feel like someone who has been in freefall stress wise and mental health wise due to job related stress and have now just been gently caught and set on my feet again.

Like maybe after a year and a half I can have a life again and more importantly time with my kids/family.

It was a really, really good day.

I got the job offer I wanted!!! Bye bye gig delivery work, hello new career.

People are probably using modeling less not because of numbers but because of the insanely ugly nasty ooc behavior towards those players who were thought to be using it "too much" in "ways I can't/dont like.:

My bio mom wrote back to me, sent pictures, would like to continue getting to know each other. Obviously more baggage there but she says she is happy and always hoped that I would find her if I wanted to.

So i am pretty overwhelmed yet again. It is good. But overwhelming.

I am going to temporarily lock this topic until there's time to discuss with other admins. I agree that this does not fit with "constructive" part of the forum and it's also starting to involve RL information disclosed /about third parties/ as well. No names have been mentioned so I do not think it breaks any letter of the rules here, but I would really urge consideration of editing out that information (and it may happen anyway) by the original posters.

Trying really hard not to lose it. School board room is over capacity with spillage into the hall, rainbow and trans pride flags and stickers e everywhere.. All parents/kids/community supporters. My kid is first on the speakers list followed by nearly all of the speakers being other students also. Trying hard to not bawl and embarrass my kid and their friends who I am sitting with. Things were so different even 4 years ago. I guess sometimes when you jump and trust your community they will catch you and hold you close. No room for bigotry today in our district.

As expected, dude is now making accounts to argue with people. I would advise not responding at all on threads or otherwise if you can manage it, just report the post or contact mods if he is bothering you privately and we will take care of things with minimal fanfare.