Best posts made by mietze

Maybe it’s just me, but this whole topic seems to be a way for the OP to continue their weirdness with people who they might not otherwise have access to because they’ve been banned/blocked.

OP, this is transparent and gross. If someone turns you down, dont keep contacting them. You’ve enough history of pursuing and bothering people across frameworks and games (including PMing people unwelcoming it here, and applying sad sop/passive aggressive/outright aggressive pressure I hope the mods consider banning you.

It’s pretty gross to use a public forum to continue contact with people who you’ve already made uncomfortable. It’s wrong.

Eldest just received official confirmation of his acceptance into his first choice college.

I RPed last night for the first time in well over a year. Maybe almost 2? Rusty as hell but it was fun anyways. Now just have to make myself keep chugging along until the performance anxiety fades. I guess it is a little like riding a bicycle.

Games have absolutely been overwhelmed and even damaged by the flood of apps when excitement peaks here or other word of mouth situations. Both in the front end work (dealing with the avalanche) and then dealing with the volume of the usual complaints (mushers can be like angry locusts) and then inevitably by the sudden holes when 80 percent of the influx flakes out or loses interest or never even makes one grid scene.

It is a known issue. If the staff are doing things to keep it manageable FOR THEMSELVES rather than chasing the needs/wants of the huge group most of whom who will not stay, that's a good thing for the game, even if it might inconvenience some players.

Putting in boundaries around internet use and meetups (regardless of where the people are from), as well as expecting behavior standards of one's adolescent children is not to protect their innocence, it is part of helping them gain the skills needed to become functional adults. At least it is for me.

You MUST have these conversations with your kids, IMO, if you do not want to be negligent. Maybe the parents of people 30-50 currently could claim some degree of ignorance but I do not think anyone with little kids NOW can.

You can have comprehensive sexuality education (it starts at home but I also highly recommend the Our Whole Lives/OWL sexuality education that is usually put on by UU or UCC churches, it's a developmentally appropriate curriculum that starts in groups for K/1, again in late elementary school, again in jr high, again in HS and theres adult discussion groups as well), be committed to being open and affirming and /still/ have rules.

For our family (no kind of special issues for us as far as being on the spectrum or severe mental illness) that has meant an unfolding process of release of responsibility from parent to the child throughout their childhood and adolescence. On the outside it probably looks to tiger moms and helicopter dads like we are on the permissive end (my teens do not have curfews, they are allowed to travel in and out if the big city on their bus cards even if we arent there and are expected to utilize public transportation on their own during the day unless it's an emergency, they all now have their own devices that we dont put trackers on). But what they do not see is the rules/process to get there, the fact that nobody was allowed to have smart phones until high school (eldest had one briefly in jr high but repeatedly broke rules so it was taken away and replaced with a texting phone until we all agreed he was ready to try again--in high school). None of the kids had computers in their rooms until they were juniors in high school (and they bought them themselves, just like they pay monthly for their cell phone line).

My kids have gone to different cons since they were around 11-12; this is the first year I will not be on site as a condition of their going because they are vets and they will be 18 and 17, but I have been invited to go anyway (probably so I can be mom-bag-of-holding for cosplay shit) and may go anyway (they've offered to buy my badge).

My kids usually tell me things relatively soon. Sometimes I have to pry it out of them. Lots of their friends tell me things. We have spent many hours helping our kids help their friends (and sometimes had to contact other parents, which made our kid/s mad but they later understood why).

Shit still happens though. People do not understand what it is like to drop your trans teen off at a friend's house that you dont know well and then stress vomit all the way home because it happens to be the same day that you hear about a trans teen being lured by "friends" to come over and then is jumped, raped, and/or murdered. Even with all our safeguards we still have had to walk a child through/help them cope/get help to cope with them getting doxxed and getting death and rape threats; and I am sure it will not be the last time no matter how conscientious they are, because none of my kids is interested in walling off from interacting with people and living in a bunker.

There's plenty of people from shit backgrounds and awful parents that dodge bullets and turn out to be mostly functional. There's plenty of people who end up being shitty even though they come from pretty normal to pretty good home environments and people that care for them. There is no magic formula.

You do the best you can for each kid. You try to encourage them to do the best they can for themselves and others. Hopefully your relationship will be strong enough to deal with awkwardness and anger from time to time, since I doubt it is possible to escape that in any relationship.

I know I was a lot better parent before I actually had to start doing it. It never hurts to start thinking about this stuff, though. And I think community is very important as well.

I think sometimes that people who find it too hard to mask/behave calmly tend to assume that it is easy for other people and natural and costs them nothing to do, when in fact it is usually far from the case.

So then they are surprised when the people who have remained calm in the face of their tantrums and lashing out finally put a permanent end to their association, and interpret that as uniquely mean, not respecting their challenges, and awful to them personally, rather than realizing how much energy and thoughtfulness it took to try and remain calm in the face of that person's regular emotional blow ups.

And add that while people may be willing to shoulder more of dealing with someone flailing in their professional or family life, especially if they have to deal with that elsewhere, they may be especially disinterested in having to do it yet again "for fun."

Temporarily right now because I am still new to the admin dashboard and cannot confirm the identity, but likely to be permanent when either Ark or Gany can review to makes sure.

There is a group of anti-gay people that is going to protest at the next school board meeting, because they are angry that the district has a very affirming/inclusive environment. (This was vital to my oldest's mental health, I believe...while there was bullying from some students, which can happen for anything regardless of anyone's identity, the policies applied made it safe for him to be able to use the restroom, be addressed appropriately by staff/teachers, the schools were allowed to have GSA clubs so he had several teachers and students who were safe, ect.)

One of these anti-gay people was stupid enough to post a link in a neighborhood group to their very slick website that is full of misinformation, the usual scare tactics, the call for "unity and respect for everyone's beliefs, so please keep your gayness to yourself, I don't want my children exposed to such depravity," ect.

I am fucking tired. We fought like hell to get these policies in place in our district. Many of us have been fighting like hell to keep protections in place, including many hours of driving 2.5 hours one way to testify for 10 minutes in the state capitol, alongside many many others. I personally have been called just about every name in the book by the many bigots, redpill-ers, fundamentalists, ect. because my name is public at many of these events.

I wish that once you got a policy in place it was DONE, but it's not. so next Monday I get to sit through a very inconvenient 4 PM board meeting because we are going to make sure that we outnumber the people who want the kids and everyone else to go back in the closet. My kid has AP testing prep so probably won't make it, but I'm reading his statement. I want to look these bigots in the face. They're anonymous right now, because of course they are, but in order to be at the meeting they're going to have to look hopefully hundreds of people who are LGBTQ+ parents with kids in the district, or parents of LGBTQ+ kids in the district, or both, and have to say that they think we should be erased from discussion/acknowledgement, as if that's going to shield their kids from finding out that gay people exist and their parents have lied to them about how horrible they are.

I'm going to do it, I'm glad I got the reminder it's still very important. But I am so fucking tired as hell.

And adding, luckily I've never had the misfortune of having to RP with you on any game that I know of, I've played on BSO and spinoff but only saw the fallout you left behind with the people that you really weirded out.

To a point it really doesn't matter what your intentions are. Clearly you are not someone who can have normal boundary relations with people on a game. Like this has been years of this now, yeah? So if you like to play, play. But maybe just don't chat about your personal life or try to find out about others. Some people can do that and be friendly and make other people feel warm and fuzzy. You clearly can't. If you really give a shit about these people you have weirded out, then stop doing it.

Also, IC suicide for OOC manipulation is fucking gross. For me personally, that is the one thing that will make me deep six ever getting remotely involved with a player in RP or otherwise if I see them pull that sad, grotesque boundary crossing behavior with others. Yuck.

I think my fever just broke and I'm actually feeling hungry again, just in time for getting a birthday dinner tonight! (Local yummy mom and pop restaurant ramen + takoyaki, picked up by hubby) and I found out I'm covid19 negative.

I guess when I really think about it, the characters I am most fond of have nothing to do with how they were constructed/what I imagined them going to be/my plans being or not being actualized...but about the caliber of people who shaped and molded and challenged them which was /never ever me/. Not to say that things were perfect oocly atmospherically, they weren’t and I think passionate and invested people are always going to create a little chafing or even drama because of the challenging each other and forcing you to think on your feet and lose and go off course and branch out.

But pretty much all my favorite and truly happy times where I couldn’t wait to log on and see what would happen and where the play infected my daydreams...it was less the character and more the dynamic of the talented writers/collaborators/friends that I’ve found.

So I was in a store this morning and one of the anti-mask people walked in. I could tell thats what he was because of the way he kept looking at other people and doing the confrontational body language thing. When he locked eyes with me I could not help myself, I giggled and then had a laughing fit. It was contagious. I'm fully vaxed. I wear a mask to put other people at ease and because I still do not want to potentially get it even if I've got some protection against the worst illness and also for the comfort of others. I don't really care about wearing one.

This guy turned tail and stopped off with like six people laughing and setting each other off. My compassion fatigue is huge. And yes, I am a total asshole/bitch/whatever.

But man it feels good to not even care about grown ass people's toddler antics and taking that power away of how badass they are about claiming their freedumb and instead reacting to the ridiculousness that it is.

I'm still wiping away tears and my side hurts from the first gigglefit I've had in at least a year.

When you are once more so content in general that you can be oocly uncomfortable about a scene (not creepy-weird, that would still be a nope out) but still not want to run far far far far far away. Not good to feel weirded out but so good to be able to just muddle through it and extricate from the scene itself without wanting to immediately log out and just not come back for a few days. I'm going to say that means my stress level both RL and in regards to game is probably the best it's been since before the pandemic. And now I'm getting teary eyed about that, in a good way. Like maybe I'll get to be normal again!

I was able to schedule a covid vax for my youngest (age 7) for this coming Saturday. I will admit I cried and probably his second vax day will be as emotional for me as mine was.

My son has asthma and a reactive airway that lands him in the ER and has almost hospitalized him several times each year when he contracts an upper respiratory virus, since he was a baby.

It is hard to describe the level of fear and stress and guilt I have been living with over the last two years (even though it's been suppressed so I can function) as I have had to work public facing and interactive jobs this whole time. Its pretty hard to feel worried day after day that you are going to kill your kid.

Knowing how much his complication rate will statistically go down even after the first shot makes me super emotional.

Given how people behave on free mushes, as well as the level of fairness paranoia, i would be very reticent to set up a way people could pay, and potentially have to deal with "I paid my $3, how dare you not give me x." Also, what happens when you need to ban someone? I could see certain creepers really putting pressure after spending a significant amount, because I have seen that happen in other orgs.

There have been a few failed attempts at doing this over the decades that I know about. But I would be leery about participating in one.

Unless the $$$ is enough for a runner and staff to not have day jobs, they would not have more time for the game, but then they'd have to deal with assholes who would say "I don't have to be patient, you're ripping me off. I paid you and I'm still not getting the timing/attention I deserve!!"

Former PCs:
Nocturnis, Sakura Saito @ Shadowrun Seattle
Milla @ Shadowrun Detroit
Chai, Niccola, Galatea @ TCbTT
Arianwyn @ A2A
Jade @ Metro 2.0
Samina, Naima, Verity @ Star Crusade
Nanette @ Mystic Krewe
Kostas @ Battlestar Orion
Enyo @ Battlestar Deimos
Gloria @ CoFaB
Fremont (Staffer), Ariadne, May @ TR
Nathalie @ RfK
Toni @ Eldritch
Zoya @ Reno
Oriane @ Kushiel's Debut
Thanos @ Battlestar Orion 2.0 (In my defense, I don't read comics, so I had no fucking clue of who Thanos was and this PC predated the movie, I just thought the name as a last name sounded cool)
Toni @ BITN
Shit, some really cool Baddacelli sister I made with @Carytid on...Fallcoast? It's going to bug me I can't remember that name.

I played on Aether, some WoT place, and a handful of SW places too, but I can't for the life of me remember PC names for any of those. Ancient history. I think I only remember my SR pcs because they were my first ever MUSH PCs.

Current PCs:
Ouida and Nurie @ Arx
Toni @ Chontio

@derp You aren't a villian. You were, however pretty fucking callous and obtuse. You DID tell me in that thread to "adult more" since I chose that profession. You DID cast doubt on me, all the while parroting the "oh well of course it's okay to be suspicious" when really if you /read that entire exchange/ it was fucking lip service at best.

What the hell do you think happens when a woman needs to report something even worse, like an actual sexual assault? THE SAME THING. Unless it's a stranger rape. Are you SURE you weren't drunk? Are you SURE you didn't lead him on? WHAT where YOU THINKING, walking around alone? Did you scream so he knew you didn't want it?

Ask any of us who have had to report to authorites (police or otherwise) a sexual assault. Why, they say the same asshole shit you have said! Did you take the (the listeners) responsibility to protect yourself? You sure you wanna ruin a good guy who might have a different persective than yours? We gotta be fair!

So yeah, that's why people react very strongly to that kind of "article". You're not stupid.

But I do think there are lots of (mostly men) people who cannot handle women (or men) who are being harassed stepping up (they worry SO MUCH about OMG what about the other guy! What if he didn't MEAN to be that way? What if he just wanted to look up an old "friend"? What if...? What if....?) and many those people cannot rape or sexual assault without some form of victim blaming. This is not the exclusive domain of men--some of the most disgusting examples of this in my personal life have been women. Why? I don't know. Giving them a feeling of power and safety, that if only people "took responsibility for protecting themselves" this shit wouldn't happen (I guess it only happens to people who don't take responsibility? Women need to be educated that they can be raped and stalked and harassed with impunity sometimes? We know.)

When it comes to on screen relationships, romantic or otherwise, I prefer to engage in the equivalent of defensive driving.

1. No matter how awesome the Rp and story is, if there starts to be ooc possessiveness involved, I am out. This includes wiki or alt stalking.

2. If someone complains to me oocly about other partners (ic ones or ooc ones) I am out. It makes me intensely uncomfortable unless I am actually friends with that person.

3. If I get angry pages or mails or rando shit from a third party pissed at me because my PC is involved with someone they are involved with, I let that person "win." Life is too short than to be forced to deal with someone that I do not play with's emotional ooc vomiting all over me.

4. If I get calm and respectful communication from someone who is suspecting that someone is lying ooc to both or engaging in impossible RP, it is likely that I will hook up/become involved in RP with that party and kick the wannabe harem builder to the curb.

I will always err on the "this pc does not want a significant or exclusive relationship with my pc, and the ooc player is not interested in an ooc negotiated story" unless I am told directly and explicitly otherwise. Sometimes this leads to kind of uncomfortable unknown limbo, but that is immensely preferable to me than blown up friendship or nice ooc relationship, and I would rather miss out than presume.

If someone engages in ic suicidal threats or claims that if I do not do what they want that the character will become unplayable I immediately end things and furthermore I will pretty much not wish to interact with that player again in any guise for quite some time. I guess everyone has their major dealbreakers and I guess that kind of explosion is one of mine.

I am open to talking to people oocly, I'm not even opposed to negotiation. I just am leery of asking for either, and I try to listen to anything my gut tells me.

I find the gaming store scenario believable. In part because I've heard very similar comments. But also, and this is what makes me so angry--frankly, because my 14 year old has been a gaming fan and geek for years, and I've seen how people have treated her from the time she was 11 and getting into cosplay, and later on in gaming community commentary. When your daughter shows you an email full of disgusting threats and things someone wants to do to her that she doesn't even /know what they are/ because they disagree with her on how a game should have ended or wanting to see more "normal girl" character options, when you find yourself steering her away from certain cons or having to double think about cosplay stuff, because you know what's out there...

It's nice that some people can't even fucking imagine anyone saying "if she bleeds she can breed" grossness to a 13 year old. I'm going to guess though that /you don't have one/. Well, I can't not fucking imagine it, because I've seen many things like it. Directed at mine, and her friends, and at other slightly older but still very young kids in "gamer geek territory" and outside it. And fuck yes the mama bear comes right the fuck out. (And I research any new place like whoa before we do). I /envy/ you if you can't imagine it.

I have not experienced the same online (though I know of others that have). For me anyway, while I may be very hurt by actions by someone I considered a friend, I'm also more confident at just turning the machine off, not responding on skype/email, ect. And as others have mentioned, it's easy to find a large female population on MUSHes. I've said many times, that one of the biggest things I love about MUSHing is the large community of other women around my age where I don't have to worry about this nonsense with. And at the very least, at least there I can just turn off the machine, and be pissed off for awhile and calm down before then filing a complaint (or just leaving altogether if I know it will be blown off), rather than having to then be hopped up on adrenaline with my car key prongs stuck outward between my fingers as I go alternative routes back to my car.

I think someone using "you" in a scene, especially a private one, is almost universally reviled the last time this discussion was had, as something that crossed boundaries even if it wasnt the intent.