Best posts made by mietze

I think the trampling rush of people to a game when it first opens is almost never about that game itself but:

1. People are obsessed with getting in I'm the ground floor due to obsession (justified or not) that they can advance faster there than on where they are playing because it's a blank slate.

2. Novelty and the ability to get to play around thinking about new characters, esp if it's being pumped up here or amongst friends.

3. The hope that this time staff will "do it right", whatever that means for that individual person.

4. A hope that the new place will allow them to recreate something they really enjoyed and aew probably looking through rose colored glasses about now.

I think The Surge tends to be more harmful to the new game than the other ones, esp if staff doesnt plan for it. It is a normal enough problem that I have noticed a lot of them /do/ which is fantastic. I don't believe you really know a game's stable population and base until 3+ months in if not more, which is why I am happy to see staff more and more not killing themselves to keep up at the height of The Surge and then being burnt the fuck out because probably at least half if not more of the people drift away/park in the ooc room/wander back to other places once the novelty wears off and what they wrte expecting does not fall into their lap.

I think it's most healthy when there is diversity in games around a theme. That sometimes IS competitive but most of the time it is not--the only drawback is the solid number of people who sit and whine and complain that the game isn't run the way that they like, even when its very clear the structure and scope is super different from what they like.

I think you might be surprised to find out how many people on the forum are on the spectrum, or have a close relationship with someone that does.

It still does not mean that folks will not be shown the door for inappropriate behavior.

You can have empathy for someone's struggle or having been there yourself, and still show them the door when their behavior gets to the point it is detrimental to others on your game or more than you can handle.

As I have said it isn't fair. But it also is not kind to tell people that they should expect accommodations from places that are extremely unlikely to give them.

Is there any reason why you do not organized a game that can accommodate behavioral issues to give those that cannot or will not learn to moderate them, perhaps with more concrete and published boundaries, a mu they can play on that where behavior won't be a stumbling block? Seems like you are passionate about the subject, have ideas on how others should do this, and seem willing to tolerate a lot of behavior others wouldn't. Why don't you step up? Maybe if you showed others it could be done and how, people might be willing to try your strategies once they see it in action and working.

Because it is also the case that many people do try, but have limited success, especially when the behaviors involved are lashing out, or extreme emotional distress or neediness coupled with angry lashing out when someone puts down a boundary.

You might be using too specialized jargon, tbh.

I have been enjoying the hobby now since the early 90s, and if someone asked me if I wanted to play an awesome text-base roleplaying thing where you "enter commands like a dos prompt" I too would lose interest immediately. Probably because I've never been a programmer, never had any interest in it at all (not knocking programmers, I've been married to one for like 18 years now, they're awesome, highly recommend).

When i have described it to people I've just said "instead of talking to people in person like you would at a tabletop game, you write out what your PC is doing/saying, like you're writing a story with other people, and you all take turns doing that for your PC and their interactions with others." I guess you could say that instead of clicking your mouse, or pushing buttons, you just type the direction you want to move, ect.

But again, usually if I'm geeking out over mushing, it's not with programmers or folks like that but has been most often other moms/wives I meet who were into RPGs once upon a time, now in various walks of life/professions, mostly not tech people.

Super kind folks that are tolerant and welcoming as I dip my rusty toes back into RP.

Interesting that the "chill out it's just a game" almost exclusively tends to have a silent "so lol I can be as big of a dick as I want and you're stupid if that annoys you," at the end rather than "so you know what? I'm going to do my best to not be an ooc dick."

It's because it's just a game and I do want to chill that I find I have less tolerance for ooc mean and dickish people. It ain't worth it.

@reimesu I am sorry, but that is simply not true. A bunch of people were kicked out of this community many of whom never used profanity and in fact some of whom posted less frequently after asks to stop than a few posters who were never banned.

This board has been a community for them. A lot of people were reeling and wondering WTF happened. But the people who no longer felt welcome and those who were banned from here didn't want to lose community and so they made a new one.

The other community was starting to be formed before the new rules changes were even in effect.

Some people are going to be distressed about it for awhile. That's going to happen any time there's a blow up. And this one was a big one.

I have thought about it. But then honestly I look at some of the hyper entitled and just not mannerly behavior that's endemic in our community right now and I wonder why in the fuck should I only to have people scream and complain. As they did/do about every game ever.

I care about the product, I care about the community. And "good" is relative. What I would want to run is a single sphere, prp friendly but also staff run storylines, no alts game where the setting is very important.

I don't think that is especially wanted, given the bitching that usually happens. And if I was developing something I wouldn't want it out until I was ready, for people to scream about while it's still very much in development.

Given how games in development are torn apart by people who don't know what's going on even before they make it live these days, I'm not surprised at the silence.

I have kittens!!!

They are teeny and cuddly and sweet and full of personality. Both are black, one all black beautiful short haired boy and the other one a fluffy medium or long haired girl with a little patch of white on her belly.

They have cute little raspy meows, the loudest purrs ever, and already have reset my computer Home bar from the bottom of my screen to the side and I don’t know how the fuck to get it back again.

All my teens are charmed. Even Emo Eldest makes baby talk and kissy face at them and now spends evenings in the family room instead of holed up in his room. They are remarkably tolerant of and getting used to the 3 year old. The last couple of weeks has really fucking sucked, but they are adorable and awesome and soothing.

If they were destroyed by being out of commission for a /week/, I'm sorry man but that seems like it's just as much a player problem as a staff problem. I really can't think of anything on a game that can't wait a week once. I can think of several players who I know make life hell for everyone around them if they have to wait like longer than 24 hours.

I agree that probably no one but the actual game owner/headstaff should be indispensible, but I also think players should learn to chill the f out about an absence of 7 days.

I have played and enjoyed 1 or 2 person operated games before, or games with minimal staffing. Sometimes that meant I had to wait even TWO weeks before I got a response. But they were communicative and respectful, and luckily many people will chill enough to not like totally crash and burn and freak out about it.

@reimesu what people protecting mental health? That has nothing to do with why the other board was created either.

A situation got out of control. Many things could have been handled better. They were not. And now there are two places with a lot of overlap and some distance that was a long time coming. There is still going to be hurt over it for awhile and it isn't one sided.

I am referencing this post, made to me after I described a man who I had not seen or had contact with since I was 15 years old (was now 40) showing up at my place of business to "look for me" after I had told him over email i was not interested in taking him as a client. He later showed up at my political org's public meeting, hovered in the back near me while not disclosing himself and then introduced himself to me after the meeting was over. I was granted an anti-harassment order by the court less than 3 weeks after the public meeting incident.

So derp, let me tell you what happens when women "take responsibility" for their own safety. First, many times, the people who are not right in the head brush aside words of "I'm not interested" and keep on keeping on.

And then there are also assholes who tell women to "adult more" and that they shouldn't risk hurting a man with a misunderstanding about what his intent was. That his side of the story should be just as important.

Note that you said this to me days after this incident occured when I was still freaked out.

Ask any woman who has had to report a man's problematic behavior. Or who feels unsafe. They are many times going to get a reaction like yours. Oh, dear, won't you think of his side of the story too? Maybe your emotions made you not see clearly!

It's this kind of shit why many women react so strongly to being told "take responsibility for yourself!" Bevause we do, and are also expected to take responsibility for HIM too.

@derp said in RL Anger:

@Coin said in RL Anger:

Did he show up specifically to find you?

Yes, actually. I had where I worked on Facebook. He went to Facebook, saw that, and showed up. Specifically to find me.

@Kanye-Qwest said:

If a guy randomly tried to book you to show off a Kirby vacuum at his apartment and then, when you canceled, showed up and only THEN admitted he'd been in love with you and your perfect white skin since high school and stalked you and tried to trick you into meeting him without admitting the prior acquaintance first, THEN your reaction to him showing up would be relevant.

Yes, well, forgive me if my first reaction to your statement isn't 'oh, of course, it's so obvious now! How did I not see Kanye's point all along', given your rather pronounced tendency to take anything that's even a bit off and turn it into something extremely inflammatory. At the end of the day, as much as I sympathize with @Mietze's point, it's still only one side of the story, and is skewed by her perception of events as somewhat creepy/off. (NOTE: I am -not- calling Mietze a liar, or saying she is wrong -- just that it is only one side of the story, there, and there exists a -possibility- that the intentions are more innocent than they may appear. I fully understand her hesitation in this matter.)

Sure, it's a bit suspicious, but as has been noted elsewhere, it's not necessarily serial-killer level suspicious, either. As has been noted, lots of people are trained to believe that this is a fairly straightforward gesture from many media sources. Rather than sending an e-mail to a person who might be a complete stranger, the other person set up a meeting with a person in a place that the person being met has a great deal of control -- their place of work, which is in theory a public place where they are surrounded by other people, rather than asking to, say, meet in a restaurant or something, or worse, a bar. Misguided, sure, but not necessarily sinister.

There are people to this day that I think of from high school and occasionally look up. But I also work in a university town that's fairly small for what it is, so it's not exactly hard to find someone, especially if they're still around. It's as easy as asking a friend about them.

So, as noted, while Mietze is perfectly justified in her suspicion and actions, there is potentially another side of the story, here. One in which the man is not The Devil. And I was merely trying to make the point that, sometimes, people can show up and want to get in touch with no moustache-twirling involved.

There is rarely evidence except for first person accounts from people you believe to be credible. It is not an easy thing to give it, privately or publicly, and to be told that it really does not matter because one needs to be "fair."

That is why people don't come forward. Or they regret doing so immediately. Like me.

TFW your 17 year old asks if we can do a family dinner out and then all go run around to all the geeky stores at the mall together for their birthday (while they spend their own money not yours) with all their sibs and hang out after the little goes to bed to play a round of betrayal legacy. Def worth dumping all the online schedule for. It's making me teary eyed actually.

I think that there are many people who operate under the assumption that "setting boundaries" is confrontational and adversarial. It really isnt. Someone who leads with "either do this for me or I'm kicking you to the curb" is not really boundary setting, they are issuing a reactionary ultimatum potentially in a manipulative way, but most likely in an explosive after bottling it up way.

But as you say. How someone reacts to perceived criticism or being asked politely to not do something speaks volumes. Its valuable info.

I don't know if this is a love.

So the person I was 90 percent sure was my bio dad based on some research I've been doing (and then cross referencing with some bio cousins that I had found via Ancestry DNA and 23andme)...maybe he got a kit for Christmas or something or they told him about this link, because he just popped up on my Ancestry relatives list--as a parent/child match.

I thought I was neutral. And I am happy to know I was correct. I know that I'm okay with contact or no contact, having lived my whole life in that no man's land and having a shitty upbringing means I know that families are complicated.

But at the same time, I am so scared of rejection or not being wanted that my stomach has been in my throat since I saw it tonight. You'd think after hearing my whole damn life from the parents that raised me that I was defective garbage who couldn't do the one thing I was supposed to do (make them happy) right, and that I'm a disappointment in all ways except for having a lot of kids they can display in pictures and say they're grandparents just like their friends are...that I would not give a shit.

But I do. I wish I didn't. At the same time though, I'm glad I have a name and know a little more background at least about that half of my heritage. It's better than nothing. But this waiting for rejection really kind of blows.

I will say though that the sum of things is that I am grateful to these dna matchup companies, even though yeah I do understand they scare many people and there's questions. It has been nice (Even before I discovered close bio relatives, for years it was just like really super distant ones) to know just a little wee part of my background with more security than "non identifying' information from the agency that has full legal authority to lie (some have, but mine didn't). Maybe this belongs in irks, but it's not. I'm profoundly grateful to have some information now that I couldn't find in nearly 30 years of off and on searching.

It is also not as if someone's behaviors on one game cannot differ from another either. There are people that need to be removed/have been removed from a game (or several) that for whatever reason manage to control that behavior on other games. Too often we look at the person as if them being asked to leave a game or to knock off certain behaviors means they have to be decided to be the worst person, instead of just taking strides to correct or eliminate undesirable /behavior/.

You do not have to be a bad person to be told to stop the behavior. You do not have to be a bad person to be a bad fit for a game.

Crying happy tears, my favorite dog at the shelter (drop dead gorgeous shepherd/husky/whatever mix) finally got adopted. He is 14 but you would never know it, even his teeth are pristine and while he is super chill and old man in the sense he liked just hanging out and getting scratched/petted, he still liked to play and chase too. If I didn't have cats he would have been mine, fell in love with him even before I volunteered. I'm glad that I got to spend a lot of time with him the last time I volunteered (brushing the equivalent of another large dog of fur out of him) and getting cuddles, but I am also happy and hope I never see him again. His new people are the luckiest ever.

I have had a few weird experiences on my knight, who is bi. Lots of assumptions, lots of very weird shit about why she would seek to marry a dude (why would anyone be confused by this with hereditary nobility and marriage that usually doesn't have anything to do with love when one is part of it). Or people that were weird about her flirting with both genders, especially when it was subtle (oddly haven't experienced anyone commenting when it's overt, maybe because it's assumed to be joking). I have heard the same from other players of PCs who are also similarly open without smashing people's faces into it about being bi.

I have had PCs of all kinds of orientations and arrangements, but usually only feel safe playing that out with other players who present or whom I know are female. Just because virtually every time I have done that with a male player it devolves into threesome fantasies (not saying those are bad either, I've had characters that would totally be down!) or their determination that their PCs penis would totally "cure" my PC's orientation even though TS was already off the table. I'm not saying that female players can't be sexually harassing asshats (they can be, totally). But I have found it to happen far less with other women. And when I think about people that I have enjoyed RPing about the tension of these various issues (what happens if you pretty much are always going to fall in love with a woman, but there's a demand that you stay within very strict complementarian or opposite gendered relationships ), most have been other women who I virtually NEVER have to worry about invasive questions, man-oriented porn-fueled stereotypes, ect.

One of the things I LOVE about Arx is the potential to explore all kinds of those things (and have no one CORRECT way) in a culture that is for the most part free of gender and orientation bias. I think a lot of people assume it is flat/boring/oh yay everyone does what they want--but if you look at the expectations and theme closely, no--there's a lot of sacrifices that some people have to make, or think about, consequences to choices, ect. It's a very awesome opportunity to explore things THAT way (duty, politics, ect) while removing the usual focus of who possesses/likes what genitals.

Got some results from a bunch of bloodwork, and almost bawled at the doctor because there is a little more hope (and confirmation) that a lot of the pain and extreme fatigue and muscle weakness I have been experiencing are not all in my head. Of course that means some more tests potentially in the future to eliminate or confirm some possibilities (that are scary) but at least there is a path forward now.