RL Anger
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@Luna I like r/knitting, the geeknitting and the gamergirls subreddit. Also SRS because I am an evil bird throwing dildos at people in order to crush their internet points and melt their frozen peaches. Then again, I can't handle much SRS because then I start getting an eyetic.
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@AmishRakeFight said:
I am angry because it is unreasonably hot and no one here has air conditioning.
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At this point, I'll be persuaded into literally almost anything.
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I wasn't joking. That "Ghetto Air" project is dirt cheap (both to make and to run) and surprisingly effective. If you're a bit more mechanically inclined and have a bit more spending money, there's a slightly more upscale version available.
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@silentsophia I liked the makeup and skin ones before they drove me nuts lol
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RL Anger: My mother passed away on Tuesday. She was my step-mom, but she and my dad got married when I was six. She's my mother, too. My brothers -- her sons, not my father's -- have apparently decided I'm no longer family. My sister-in-law is threatening the rest of the family because she's not getting the physical things that she thinks she should. Everyone handles grief differently and I know this. I really do. But I cannot at all cope with being threatened and being told by my brother. My brother. That I'm not family and didn't love her and apparently thinking I have the same right as everyone else involved to be sad somehow makes me an awful person.
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@Sunny said:
RL Anger: My mother passed away on Tuesday. She was my step-mom, but she and my dad got married when I was six. She's my mother, too. My brothers -- her sons, not my father's -- have apparently decided I'm no longer family. My sister-in-law is threatening the rest of the family because she's not getting the physical things that she thinks she should. Everyone handles grief differently and I know this. I really do. But I cannot at all cope with being threatened and being told by my brother. My brother. That I'm not family and didn't love her and apparently thinking I have the same right as everyone else involved to be sad somehow makes me an awful person.
Jesus Christ, that's awful. I'm so sorry.
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@Sunny Damn. I don't have anything profound to say other than while these situation are awful, people do get through them. You're absolutely right that you don't need anyone else's permission to feel whatever you feel, and you should also give yourself credit for recognizing that the rest of the family are reacting to grief in different ways (with the possible exception of your sister-in-law, who sounds like she should have enough decency to shut up right now).
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@Roz said:
@Sunny said:
RL Anger: My mother passed away on Tuesday. She was my step-mom, but she and my dad got married when I was six. She's my mother, too. My brothers -- her sons, not my father's -- have apparently decided I'm no longer family. My sister-in-law is threatening the rest of the family because she's not getting the physical things that she thinks she should. Everyone handles grief differently and I know this. I really do. But I cannot at all cope with being threatened and being told by my brother. My brother. That I'm not family and didn't love her and apparently thinking I have the same right as everyone else involved to be sad somehow makes me an awful person.
Jesus Christ, that's awful. I'm so sorry.
This whole time I have been fighting with my dad and my sister and everything, reminding them all over and over again that they're my brothers, that it doesn't matter, none of it matters, they're family. And this is the result. My older brother. We've been so close my entire life. And now just...yeah. This is incredibly fucked up and I know I shouldn't even be posting about this but I can't whine on facebook or to any of my family because all it's going to do is toss some more dynamite into the explosion that's already happening.
Edited to add: @BetterJudgment -- thank you.
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@Sunny None of my business, or any of our businesses really, but I'm going to ask anyway: What part does sister-in-law have to play in this?
Because it sounds suspiciously similar to a few events in my own family.
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@Silver said:
@Sunny None of my business, or any of our businesses really, but I'm going to ask anyway: What part does sister-in-law have to play in this?
Because it sounds suspiciously similar to a few events in my own family.
She took care of my mom for a few years while my mom was sick. There were things that my mom wanted her to have, but they're sentimental to my father in a huge way. He's not going to be around forever; it's not like she's not going to get it eventually (I'm executor of the estate when all is said and done, down the road). I promised her she would. Promised mom, too. I did NOT promise that it would be while my father was still around, because that's like shoving a knife into his heart and twisting. I mean, I love her, too. I thought it was mutual. I mean, these people are my family. Or at least, that's how I feel.
I really don't have any idea what I might have done wrong. Everything was great yesterday. Then today, threats are being leveled and I apparently didn't love her and so much other crap. It's SO freaking hurtful.
And yeah, I kjnow it's none of anybody's business. I really shouldn't have aired this in public and I know it but there was going to be a meltdown if I didn't vent somehow.
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@Sunny FWIW, I think you should have the right to vent when you need, even when it's personal family stuff, and I think it's okay that you did it here for a bit.
I really wish you the best, and I hope things you don't get any uglier (and do, in fact, get LESS ugly). I've lost a family member very suddenly and unexpectedly, but I didn't have to deal with anything like what you're going through with your family.
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@Sunny said:
And yeah, I kjnow it's none of anybody's business. I really shouldn't have aired this in public and I know it but there was going to be a meltdown if I didn't vent somehow.
It's okay to share if that's what you want.
Sounds to me like S-i-L is kind of...I have unkind words. But yeah. I don't know. I am sorry that it's going on.
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@Sunny said:
@Silver said:
@Sunny None of my business, or any of our businesses really, but I'm going to ask anyway: What part does sister-in-law have to play in this?
Because it sounds suspiciously similar to a few events in my own family.
She took care of my mom for a few years while my mom was sick. There were things that my mom wanted her to have, but they're sentimental to my father in a huge way. He's not going to be around forever; it's not like she's not going to get it eventually (I'm executor of the estate when all is said and done, down the road). I promised her she would. Promised mom, too. I did NOT promise that it would be while my father was still around, because that's like shoving a knife into his heart and twisting. I mean, I love her, too. I thought it was mutual. I mean, these people are my family. Or at least, that's how I feel.
I really don't have any idea what I might have done wrong. Everything was great yesterday. Then today, threats are being leveled and I apparently didn't love her and so much other crap. It's SO freaking hurtful.
And yeah, I kjnow it's none of anybody's business. I really shouldn't have aired this in public and I know it but there was going to be a meltdown if I didn't vent somehow.
ima take a wild guess and propose that they're mad that you're the executor (and they're not).
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What @Shebakoby said was my first thought.
Family can get crazy and wives can make husbands do insane things.
Vent all you need! I'm sure there's plenty of sympathy and empathy around. I know there's a lot for you from me.
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Fucking summer colds. My throat is sore, sinuses are raw, eyes are burning and I feel like ass warmed over.
@Sunny Vent away. We're here for you. It sounds like an incredibly rough situation. My sympathies.
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@silentsophia said:
Fucking summer colds. My throat is sore, sinuses are raw, eyes are burning and I feel like ass warmed over.
@Sunny Vent away. We're here for you. It sounds like an incredibly rough situation. My sympathies.
Man that's almost indistinguishable from when i get allergies.
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Sunny, I know this doesn't help at all, but being of the age to have seen a lot of parental deaths and impact on sibling behavior, even in tightly knit families--
Sadly, from what I've seen this is almost the norm rather than the exception. And yes, it can change on a dime, esp. after the funeral is over and when the nitty gritty of the estate settling starts to happen.
I don't know what it is.
I have seen it happen within my own extended family in a way that was shocking. A friend of mine was the youngest of 5 siblings (the older four were from their mutual dad's first wife who died of cancer and then he died of cancer and they weathered all of that well but when her mom committed suicide shortly afterwards all hell broke lose, including the rather bewildering accusations of who's real family, whose stuff the stuff really is, ect. I have seen it happen with my uncle's estate. And amongst many other friends and acquaintances /particularly/ when the last parent dies but not always.
I don't know what it is. I do know that most have recovered from the immense batshit craziness in the immediate aftermath. It doesn't help when you're going through it though. I am so sorry that you're having to deal with this. I don't know if your mom's passing was traumatic or shocking in some way (that seems to have been a factor in what I've observed but not always). I am so sorry for your loss. It's not okay at all what is happening. But for whatever reason it certainly seems to be sometimes what happens. I hope that your brother pulls his head out soon and realizes what he said to you and that it can be reconciled. This is not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Who knows why they are triggering like this, but it's not anything you could have done. Love you.
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@mietze I know what it is in my family. I have an aunt whom I refer to as "the vulture". I call her this because every time someone dies, no matter how distantly related, she shows up looking to take as much of their worldly possessions home with her as she can. Because the members of my family who would stand up to conduct like this are by now dead (the non-confrontational ones seem to live longer) she gets away with it. Nobody wants to call her on it. Instead they whisper about it disapprovingly where they think she cannot hear.
Thanks to this she has progressed to taking over my grandmother's house from her and packing it full of the many things she has collected over the years, to the point that it really does look like something off of Hoarders. My grandmother is miserable. She is also stubborn, and will not move out of her own home nor muster the willpower it takes to kick the vulture out. Instead she insists on staying there, and I am sure she will stay there until her time comes too and the vulture just collects all her things.
Most families seem to have at least one vulture. They ruin everything around them. They are profoundly unhappy and think that collecting things will fix that, but it's just a disease. It is an infectious disease too, and unless one puts up hard barriers against it or simply removes oneself from the situation, one will succumb as well.
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18 month old sleep regression starting 2 months early. This was okay with rounds 1-3 when I was in my 20s. I'm too old for this shit now that I'm over 40. I feel like I got run over by a fucking truck convoy and left out to dry in the sun, and then propped up for target shooting. The 16 month old has slept a total of 4 hours in the last 30. Not all in a row. Well, at least it won't matter if the neighbors shoot off fireworks all night one we get back from the big display.