Oct 23, 2017, 10:24 PM

Not very "mean" I guess but funny at the time:

This was a one-shot at a convention. We played "Mutant" (Swedish RPG franchise). 1980's style post-apocalyptic with lots of intelligent mutated animals, mega corps and weirdness in a big mix. We had pre-made characters (a bunch of mercenaries) and I ended up with the intelligent bipedal bulldog. On a whim I decided that he really loved food. The way a dog gets excited about all food, except this dog is six feet tall and carries a shotgun. I got us into a lot of trouble with that one, including bypassing the clever diplomat-type and making sure the down payment for our next gig was to be in bones.

Anyway, the whole thing concluded with us acting as security detail for a mob boss' wedding. The whole thing took place at the bottom floor of a larger building. So we make our preparations, scout the premises etc. The wedding starts and we are on high alert. Finally the enemy boss makes his move. It turns out there is some sort of aquarium higher up in the building and the enemy had planted explosives that we hadn't detected. So BOOM - tons of water floods down into the locale along with a GIANT MUTANT LOBSTER keen on eating EVERYONE (for some reason).
Boss battle! This is a pretty lethal game with relatively detailed combat. The lobster is a really powerful enemy and people starts shooting at it with mediocre results. Someone lobs off a semi-successful grenade.

GM: The grenade goes off! It's a hit, cracking part of the shell on the side of the monster. But even a grenade doesn't even slow it down.
Me: Wait, there is a crack in the shell? There is exposed flesh?
GM: ... a little, yes?
Me: Foooood! I throw away my weapons and dive in. Face first. I'm a bulldog. My jaws a formidable.
GM: ... Roll.

I roll excellently, and keep doing so. And for the rest of the battle I gradually eat my way into the poor giant lobster. Lots of laughter around the table. The tension of the battle is gone at this point so the GM just gives up and embraces the farce with ever wilder descriptions. Finally the lobster falls to my hunger and we win the day. Glory and food coma in one glorious mix. Good times.
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Griatch