@kanye-qwest said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:
@roz said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:
DELICATE AS WATERFORD CRYSTAL
is this the whitest thing you've ever referenced?
you have to HAND WASH THEM
@roz pls tell me more about your collection of precious moments figurines
perhaps a Reba McEntire commemorative plate
@aerianyx said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:
So, this is my long-winded way of asking for advice or tips on how to ascertain if something is worth broaching and most importantly, how to address an issue in a way that doesn't come across assholish.
I have seen, over and over, people so emotionally terrorized that they're afraid if people find out they'll find out if you do anything that even hints about going against them.
Here is what I do:
The hard part is if you can't do anything about it. Then you still have some options. The biggest one is:
This is not always easy. If the situation is something that is impossible to avoid, then you have another:
People are pretty human when they know their playmates are upset, and Mushing is mainly an exercise in improv, so ask people to roll with it.
What you need to feel comfortable in doing any of this is knowing that you either already have a good social skill, or that you're going to make mistakes while building it up.
We're all human, and many of us are even adults. Do not ever forget the most important rule of Mushing: RL Comes First.
@arkandel said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:
Take this somewhat harmless example. I'm in a scene with you and Gany. My character says something confrontational IC and yours comes with a great snappy comeback... then Gany says, OOC, "hahah, she put you in your place Arkandel!". The moment that happens it ruins a lot of that scene for me, as it's reframed from an IC encounter we can all enjoy into an OOC zero-sum game where one person can emerge as the winner as long as the other loses.
I usually don't take that kind of commentary badly if I know the player's just excitable, or it's someone I know who just thinks that stuff is funny, which is usually the case that I personally have found. Especially if they bag on themselves when you get them good, too. Same with variations of, 'Zing!' 'Oh snap!' 'Wreckd!' 'RIP' etc. As they just come off as someone LOLing at the scene, not at me personally.
If it's some rando with passive-aggressive issues, though, that's annoying.
Sort of in the same vein, metaposed insults in a non-verbal pose are annoying, too.
@mietze said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:
To the original-ish point though, boundary setting is not so much about what you do TO or FOR other people. It's more deciding in advance how YOU will react, when someone's behavior starts to feel violating to you, before it gets to the point of being an actual violation..
[...]
Boundaries just are not magical things. I think they're most valuable for keeping your choices and your own behavior on the up and up.
I think this is really key. Boundaries are there so you know how much bullshit you are willing to tolerate before you step back (and then decide on what course of action you will take).
Rarely will an abuser go 'Oh right right sorry!' As they are used to pushing too far. They're an adult, they already know better.
@kanye-qwest said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:
@roz said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:
DELICATE AS WATERFORD CRYSTAL
is this the whitest thing you've ever referenced?
you have to HAND WASH THEM
