@arkandel said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:
Take this somewhat harmless example. I'm in a scene with you and Gany. My character says something confrontational IC and yours comes with a great snappy comeback... then Gany says, OOC, "hahah, she put you in your place Arkandel!". The moment that happens it ruins a lot of that scene for me, as it's reframed from an IC encounter we can all enjoy into an OOC zero-sum game where one person can emerge as the winner as long as the other loses.
I usually don't take that kind of commentary badly if I know the player's just excitable, or it's someone I know who just thinks that stuff is funny, which is usually the case that I personally have found. Especially if they bag on themselves when you get them good, too. Same with variations of, 'Zing!' 'Oh snap!' 'Wreckd!' 'RIP' etc. As they just come off as someone LOLing at the scene, not at me personally.
If it's some rando with passive-aggressive issues, though, that's annoying.
Sort of in the same vein, metaposed insults in a non-verbal pose are annoying, too.
@mietze said in Learning how to apply appropriate boundaries:
To the original-ish point though, boundary setting is not so much about what you do TO or FOR other people. It's more deciding in advance how YOU will react, when someone's behavior starts to feel violating to you, before it gets to the point of being an actual violation..
[...]
Boundaries just are not magical things. I think they're most valuable for keeping your choices and your own behavior on the up and up.
I think this is really key. Boundaries are there so you know how much bullshit you are willing to tolerate before you step back (and then decide on what course of action you will take).
Rarely will an abuser go 'Oh right right sorry!' As they are used to pushing too far. They're an adult, they already know better.
