When Kael and I wrote House Keaton, we deliberately made it a county with the intention of growing it as far as we could. From day one, out of the gate, it was all about expansion. This had nothing at all to do with our IC lieges, and while our momentum stopped due to a bunch of IC stuff happening, it's still in the back of our minds to see if we can't go for duchy (Sorry @thesuntsar ), though K doesn't think we should as it isn't really realistic to think we could grow that much in such a short period of time, despite the fact that we're sitting on a veritable mountain of resources and our army is the same size as Laurent's.
I think @Tempest is right. If there is a solid RP relationship between liege and vassal houses, it DOES add a natural deterrent to pushing for elevation, since they would be close to their liege on a personal basis. What drives the desire to rise? Wealth/prestige? Wealth is kind of a red herring -- when a House is elevated their income doesn't really change just because they get a bump in title. When Keaton became a March, we did not gain 3 counties and 9 Baronies. We just had the 3 Baronies we had while being a County. So, in terms of pure power, there isn't really a big gain beyond the acclaim granted from the achievement and the shiny new title.
To directly address @wahoo's complaint about losing money -- that should serve as a reason to negotiate with your vassals. All of this is an opportunity to RP. Try to find something to offer them instead of being released from their vows. Or, like, make them jump through hoops to buy time to court their vassals, be they PC or NPC houses.
This is all, I guess PVP in the strictest sense, but so long as there is open communication on an OOC level and people are willing to work with one another there shouldn't be a problem. I think the biggest hurdle there is not communicating OOCly. There is a stigma, I think, to approaching someone and being like "Hey, this is my IC goal. I understand there may be IC consequences and I'd like to work with you to see what kind of story we can develop." But an approach like that requires trust (This person, thus notified of my intent is not going to do everything in their power to fuck up my plans) (This person is trying to screw/manipulate me into rolling over and giving them everything), the ability to compromise (No one is going to get everything their way), and desire to cooperate and build story together. I try to do these things every time I engage some one. I play to have fun, but I also play with the mindset that other people are trying to have fun too.
As in real life, if everyone took the time to treat people the way they would like to be treated and extended the basic trust that everyone else isn't a dick looking for an opportunity to fuck you over, I think we'd all be happier.
