Tips for not wearing out your welcome

[faraday]

It seems that the prevailing sentiment is that you shouldn't ever try to contact the game admins AT ALL if you were banned, and I don't agree with that.

"I'm sorry - I screwed up and I hope you'll give me another chance" or "I think there's been a big misunderstanding and I'd like to clear the air" seem like perfectly constructive and reasonable ways to reach out.

The key is to accept no (or silence) as an answer. Badgering someone after they've made it clear they don't want to talk to you is annoying at best, harassment at worst. Extend the olive branch and leave it at that.

[Sunny]

If you can't stop when you're told directly to stop, this isn't a good hobby for you.

[Please Delete]

This post is deleted!

[KDraygo]

@A-B said in Tips for not wearing out your welcome:

@Tinuviel - We've moved on from that, I'm not talking to the Spirit Lake mods, I'm trying to get advice from people about whether there's any way to make it less likely to happen over and over again in other things. Admittedly the original incident keeps coming up as an example.

From what you are experiencing, unfortunately the only way you could find a remedy is professional help. You said you didn't want it but with the issues you are facing, it is help you need. If you unable to recognize when you're running your mouth and becoming unwelcome, there is nothing anyone else besides a trained professional to help you.

[Pyrephox]

General advice: recognize when a game isn't what you want, and find another game, rather than trying to change the game to what you really want it to be. Or focus on the things about this game that you DO like. Trying to make a specific game into the right game for you just because it has a theme/system that you like is only going to make you AND staff miserable.

[surreality]

Looking for vindication or redemption on a game is not something that's typically going to end well. It's also 'not what these games are for'. I empathize with the idea of regaining confidence by earning a second chance, but! ...it sounds like the kind of play going on on the game isn't something you're comfortable conveying/engaging with, which, even if the second chance was granted, would be a likely source of continued stress and reasons to be anxious.

If OOC interaction is a common issue, you may want to look for games that allow for play with minimal or no OOC interaction required. You're more likely to find that on an RPI than a MUSH, from what I gather from other conversations on the forum.

[Tinuviel]

@A-B said in Tips for not wearing out your welcome:

@Tinuviel - We've moved on from that, I'm not talking to the Spirit Lake mods, I'm trying to get advice from people about whether there's any way to make it less likely to happen over and over again in other things. Admittedly the original incident keeps coming up as an example.

Oh, that's easy. If your own name appears more often than anyone else's in your backscroll, you're talking too much.

ETA: That is the combined 'anyone else'. If your name is on twenty out of twenty-five lines? Too much.

[surreality]

@Tinuviel Addendum: if it appears more than everyone else combined, STOP IMMEDIATELY.

[Tinuviel]

@surreality Addendum 2: If you're typing paragraphs to a channel, over and over, and everyone else is giving you a line? Shush.

[A. B.]

@KDraygo I didn't say I didn't want it. I said I wasn't in a position to or I would.

[A. B.]

@surreality What's an RPI? That's one acronym I don't remember hearing before.

[A. B.]

The main requirement, after what's just happened, I think, would be tolerance for the first, second and third thing I do being breaking down in tears and sobbing repeatedly that they're going to throw me out, I know they are. Tall order.

If I seem to be making this far too important, the reason is that I happen to have been housebound since long before it became fashionable These things are basically my entire social life. It makes it difficult to not be bothered when you start being unable to keep them.

Anyway, I'm doing basically the same thing I did on Spirit Lake, plaintively asking variations on the same questions over and over again in the hope that somebody will come up with an answer when they haven't before, therefore I'll get out of your hair. I'll just leave this here just in case somebody happens to say something.

[Tinuviel]

@A-B said in Tips for not wearing out your welcome:

These things are basically my entire social life.

Seriously, don't do that. These things are social, sure, but they cannot replace actual spaces designed specifically for social interaction. They're not that. Make friends, sure, but don't devote your entire life to these things. They are temporary, and your time on them might be even more so.

[silverfox]

@Tinuviel

WHAT?! Don't base my whole life off of Mu*s?!

(no but seriously, they're right. I'm bad at people-ing outside of my professional setting but Mu=/=real people for most people most of the time.)

[RightMeow]

@silverfox Don't listen to him. We are real life and TRUE for life..

[A. B.]

Like I said, I got nothing else.

[saosmash]

This is a hobby. If you treat it as a lifeline instead, your levels of intensity are going to be uncomfortable for others.

Game staff are not therapists. Fellow players are not a support group. Boundaries are important.

[A. B.]

I am doing my best about those things. It's just a question of not going completely insane from isolation in the meantime.

Would like an answer to the question of what an RPI is? A format where you don't have to explain yourself much sounds promising. (Tried a search on the site but it's too short a word to work right.)

[Three-Eyed Crow]

@surreality said in Tips for not wearing out your welcome:

If OOC interaction is a common issue, you may want to look for games that allow for play with minimal or no OOC interaction required. You're more likely to find that on an RPI than a MUSH, from what I gather from other conversations on the forum.

RP encouraged but not enforced MUDs were suggested.

For all that everything people say about Haven seems...umm not my thing, that kind of heavy code environment in a modern setting springs to mind.

ETA: This is an RPI since the MUDconnector links you were given before being asked to leave SL did not suffice. https://mudlistings.com/rpi-muds

[A. B.]

I was not asked to leave, I was thrown out without warning. If you'd told me you wanted me to stop blethering, I could have stopped blethering.

Will look into Haven. Thanks for that.

[looks at RPI link] A HA! This looks a lot like Underlight, which was marvellous if only the time zone issue hadn't finally made me admit it was more trouble than it was worth. If there was anything about this in the links you refer to, I must've missed it somehow. (This seems to be rather the opposite of an "RP encouraged but not enforced" MUD.) Thanks much for this.

...now to start combing through the lists and e-mailing enquiries once more for any that are feasible for UK time zone. Sigh. Oh well.