@botulism said in I owe a lot of people some apologies.:

@arkandel I felt the same way recently, that in order to ask someone to leave I had to catch them breaking an actual rule.

Then I realized it's perfectly valid to do it because someone is a shitty person who bullies and hurts others, even if they don't do it right in front of me on my game. This hobby is toxic for a reason - we tolerate toxic behavior from toxic people out of a misguided sense of fairness. No one has a right to play on a game.

In the 90s, I ran a game that I really loved. The staff were pretty solid, the theme is one that I'm still fond of.

On it was a player that I had gotten semi-involved with, and I went out to visit them for a few weeks. He turned out to be a lying, predatory jerk that targeted vulnerable people, and I only escaped him, and sexual assault, because of a friend.

When I got back home, I informed my staff that I was going to kick him off the game.

"You can't do that just because a relationship went bad."
"It didn't happen on the game, so it doesn't count."
"You can't let personal feelings get involved."

I stepped down as God, amidst a bunch of accusations that I was a PHB. Word got back to the guy and his friends, and he got a ton of sympathy. I figured that I wasn't the only one he was going to target, isolate, and assault, so I figured I'd be vindicated eventually, but it still hurt.

Several months later, it was discovered that he'd used the game to target a very underage player, was actively grooming them to run away from their family and go stay with him. He didn't, in part because I, who lived in the same town as the player, went over and shared my experiences with them. They weren't entirely convinced, but (with the help of others, I won't claim sole credit) eventually cut it off with him.

Ever since then, if I KNOW, with logs, screencaps, etc, especially from multiple players, that a player is toxic and actively does things to harm people, I have no qualms about kicking them off any game I run-- even if they don't do this shit on my game. I consider that part of my responsibility to my players and MUSHing in general.

VASpider has hung on for years because of this, because people, as the God of PernMUSH once said to me, would rather hew to the ILLUSION of fairness rather than the harder reality.

Take responsibility for the hobby and the part you play in it, MU* Soapbox admins. Do the right thing and drop Auspice from your staff.

(Edit: typo that annoyed me.)

Abuse thrives in silence.

@thenomain This is where I remind you gently that you are struggling with your mental health, and your meds are not being effective, and you are under RL stress which compounds the other two; and thus flagellating yourself as shit compared to those who are 'really' suffering does not help you or anyone. You are suffering.

This is not an excuse, but it is a reason.

This is not about willpower or mind over matter or moral weakness.

There are techniques that can help to a degree sometimes; I'm sure you know about things like meditation, deep breathing, reducing outside sources of anxiety, etc, and I don't want to be patronizing.

I hope you can get your medication situation straightened out, because you will probably not realise just how unmoored you have been until your brain is chemically back to its proper balance, and I hope that at least at that point the self-recrimination will ease up.

Back when I was going through chemo, my service dog would glue herself to my side for about three full days following my infusion, only getting up from my bed to potty and eat. She'd bring her toy over and insist I hold it while she chewed on it, and would watch me very intently for any sign of trouble.

We couldn't bring her to the clinic itself because she would get very upset that she could not go comfort every person receiving treatment (because they were immunocompromised) and would mope heavily afterwards.

When I am alone at home she reverts to this behavior. But normally she hates to lie down and will play for hours and hours, and is extremely hyperactive. Anyway, she's supercute. Someone the other day leaned over to pet her and then recoiled, exclaiming, 'She's got human eyes!' And the folks at the korean BBQ down the street all want to pet her and glomp her every time we go.

We trained her ourselves, having been given her as a puppy when she was weaned at 6 weeks old.

Valentin, the year he passed away, still a glorious floof at 11 years of age. He was not the heaviest of Pyrs (about 120lbs) but he was very tall, easily waist-height on most people.

As some know, Stardust and I live and work on the Las Vegas strip as buskers. We've heard that some folks not on our game were worried about us, so: We are ok. SD was on the Strip when the shooting occurred, and was caught up in the panic and chaos that engulfed the Strip in the immediate aftermath, but she escaped safely and was in phone contact with me for part of it (it was very tense when she was not).

Cops in riot gear made checkpoints at every skybridge and exit point and were dispatched to each casino as panic spread. This both upped safety but made the process of escape much slower. Many of our local friends were, as I was, stuck watching news reports while waiting for our loved ones to check in.

While it's right beside the Strip, our complex is a gated community and security was out in force, listening to police scanners (as were we, and half the city I'm sure) to make sure to intercept any threats.

While our game is set in realtime, and many Las Vegas incidents have occurred on the game, this one will not. We a) feel that it's disrespectful to the injured and the dead to just RP about a tragedy of this magnitude, and b) we are already living it and could use the break, given that we were swept up in the drama ourselves.

People are welcome to talk about it ooc and anyone is welcome to check in, regardless of how folks left (someone did earlier, while we were asleep after a sleepless night processing it all). Whoever that was, thank you. I hope that no one here was hurt, or had loved ones who were.

@Ghost said in The MU*Bucket List:

I gotta admit, I really do want to make a character that is severely likable, but horrible in bed to the point of justified murder mercy killing.

I've met a lot of those, but I don't think it was on purpose.

Further, both as a gripe and an illustration, of which I don't believe I've brought up here before, I was accosted on the Strip a small while back.

I was surrounded by many of the world's prettiest men and woman, folks in beautiful dresses and trousers and coats, all able-bodied and semi-drunk and having a great time. I, meanwhile, since I live here, was dressed in nice but non-party clothes and stone-cold sober.

I was also in my wheelchair, presenting an ambiguous gender-- some people assume from the back that I'm a man, others a woman. IE, not necessarily someone who would stand out as amazingly hot attention magnet, right?

This guy walks right up behind me and starts fondling me. Telling me he's gonna take care of me, this and that.

Why did he do this?

Because I am disabled. Because he felt entitled to go after me because I am less likely (he thought) to fight back. Because to him, I looked 'helpless'.

Because he wanted to.

You can't tell me, 'don't be disabled in public', even though I've actually been confronted with anger about that. 'Don't hold up the line while the meat guy chops the chicken up for you.' 'Don't hold the bus up because the driver needs to strap you down.' 'Don't block my way with your wheelchair.' 'Don't make me stumble over you because your head is at elbow height and I had mine in my phone.'

But why's it ok to tell a woman, 'don't be drunk in public.' 'Don't do drugs in public.' 'Don't wear this--' (Even though many assaults are done to people who dress unsexy.) 'Don't do that--'

'Oh, but she can CHOOSE to be drunk, you can't choose to not be disabled!'

The point is that the standard for preventing rapes is put on the victim, and is generally only aimed at ONE gender. Men don't have to go through every rigamarole and behavior-policing that women do. Why? Because most men don't rape men.

What she was wearing, drinking or smoking has no business being in a discussion about rape, aside from the regrettable having to train as a goddamn ninja, if you're a woman, to be able to function in public without being violated.

@bored said in MSB: The meta-discussion:

Most games have the same problems they always have, good RP is painfully scarce, and little of what you can scrape up is worth the effort. Of course, a lot of this is due to a change in personal standards of effort/reward compared to games getting worse, although there are factors on that side too (very sandboxy games, etc).

I disagree that good RP is painfully scarce, I find wonderful roleplayers pretty regularly (and I don't think my standards are low). But I've never gotten tired of public RP, even after over 20 years of MU*ing, and a lot of folks nowadays seem to consider random public RP an obstacle between themselves and the RP they want- like roleplayers have started to see other roleplayers as obstacles between themselves and roleplay. But the quality seems pretty consistent, imo.

I love meeting new folks. Sure, I've got my own RP peeves, sure, you run into some real weirdos, but the majority of roleplayers I meet are all right, and every now and then you find some superlatively good writers. Many of them, I find, are like me: we pose at about the level of what's around, and are happy to raise our game when we meet someone else willing to do the same.

My poor doggo, who I've terrified with sneezes all day and who normally MUCH prefers to sleep at my feet. This was after a chemo infusion, as she immediately attached herself to me pretty surgically for the next three days after, and would just lie there and watch me for any bad signs.

@arkandel Condolences, I'm so sorry. ;.;

@Arkandel Humans are just disgusting, filthy creatures. :<

@Tinuviel I didn't have to, and that's not what they're doing, either. :< I might be more forgiving if they were.

Also able-bodied skinny people without kids using the disabled stall. Or the disabled stall's latch is broken, the TP roll is on the floor, there is, yes, pee on the seat and it wasn't a disabled person who left it there, etc...

People will get in that stall and stay there for over a half hour. I assume they're doing drugs, because they're NOT having a shit.

I live in a world-class city, but all the barbarians are attracted to the disabled stall. And often have to hit three separate casinos or restaurants or whatever just to find one empty stall. Which sucks, considering my tumor crushed my bladder and thus trying to hold it is excruciating.

I finally had to hobble out of my chair and use the regular stall after the disabled one was just a horror, last we stopped at Popeyes. I've had to do this in the bathroom of the Bellagio, too, so it's a problem everywhere. And I have to hope my chair doesn't get stolen! I swear to god I'm suing if I ever fall, which I am at high risk to do again.

@thenomain Try a little bit of lip balm (no mint whatsoever) or petroleum jelly.

@auspice It's a double-edged sword. Being thin brings with it admiration which is admittedly nice (I got a lot of attention after I moved to the US, back home I was too 'ethnic'-- now ironically I just look pasty), but the attention is often quite negative from those who resent a thin person either getting attention instead of them, or are not giving the attention-giver enough of theirs. I found I got the best attention when I've been a bit heavier but made a point of dressing beautifully, since I have never had the luxury of being invisible in public at any point in my life.

Except by shoppers in malls or people staring at their phones. Not good for my head vs their elbows and bags!

@rnmissionrun You and me both, man.

I'd get a belt, but I only really stand up at home and even then only when necessary (my condo is build to be ADA-friendly in terms of lights and the bathroom letting in a wheelchair, but the kitchen is too narrow for my wheelchair's canted wheels and it was bought when I was much bigger from the tumor in my abdomen), and when I sit they dig into my surgical scar tissue.

Thinking of getting suspenders, though.

Man, I miss Valentine now. T^T

A woman saw him in my open office doorway (when I had a small gallery), and she was passing by with her friend outside. She screamed absolute murder and collapsed because just the sight of his giant self terrified her. He held very still and looked at me and was all like, 'Is she okay?' Just sat there like a rock as we all tried to help the poor lady, nope, not here, I am a totally invisible mass of floof. He got a lot of snuggles afterward because he still looked worried after they moved on.

Did I post this one already?

Hewas too creaky to get up on my bed, but was perfectly happy to sleep on the floor at its foot. I tried to put up a doggie bed for him but he hated it, I think he just liked the cool tile.