Finally screwed up my courage and stopped lurking long enough to do this playlist thing. Not sure why it terrifies me, but anxiety is weird like that

Fear & Loathing: Angélique Fleurette Delacroix
Flashpoint Gotham: Angela Lord

Maybe I'll be brave enough to try some place else soon. And maybe my next character's name won't start with Ang

So recently (or recently-ish?) stuff about aphantasia was floating around twitter. For the record I'm pretty sure I don't have it since I can create mental images (albeit not very good ones), but doing a little digging had me realize that even though I can kiiiinda imagine stuff, I really can't do it nearly as well as some of my friends can.

For example if I'm RPing and imagining what the characters are doing? All I really 'see' are just... I don't know how to describe it, vaguely people-shaped blobs with... impressions(?) tied to them. Like I won't 'see' a hairstyle, I'll just have this kinda gut feeling for what kinda hairstyle that character might have.

As another example, I saw my mother 30 minutes ago but I can't really picture her in my head. I can't describe her face, I can't accurately recall how grey her hair is. If I see a picture of her then I obviously recognize her, but without her (or a picture of her) in front of me I can't describe her in any detail. The things I can describe are more facts that I know rather than things I remember.

Anyway as fascinating as I'm sure this is to all of you, the part that really caught me off guard was how this suddenly re-contextualized certain things that I've always been a bit dismissive of.

PBs. I never really understood the point. I could look at someone's PB, study it intently, and then tab to my BeipMU window and everything I just saw had vanished in an instant and I was just imagining kinda vaguely shaped blobs of nothing interacting. Maybe with hair color. And even the vague impression that my mind would create would often be completely at odds with the PB I just looked at. This is as much true for my own characters as it is for other people's. But the idea that other people potentially can actually somehow imagine the PBs moving around as the characters during a scene suddenly makes it all make so much more sense. (Also kinda makes me a bit jealous <_<)

Overseas vacations are another thing. I suppose I could kinda see some of the appeal, but when a friend would want to pay thousands of dollars to spend a week in some other country it always just seemed to me like a massive waste of money. The way I always thought of it was that at the end of that week you'd have nothing to show for those thousands of dollars. And of course my friends would always say they'd have the memories, but I just couldn't imagine (hah!) that being worthwhile. But I suppose, if you're able to imagine things well enough to sorta relive those memories even a little? I guess I can kinda see that being valuable.

I suppose it could also explain why I'm so bad at writing descriptions. (Or maybe that's just me fishing for an excuse :P)

Anyway I just thought it was kinda interesting, and wondered how many other people here might have similar issues. I'm also kinda curious what other things out there might suddenly get new context and become more understandable in light of this little 'discovery'.

I'd like to quickly apologize if the thread name offended or upset anyone. I wasn't meaning to imply that aphantasia is a literal lack of imagination, I suppose I more meant it like with air quotes? Kinda? Also I had this little laugh because I thought it was a bit punny, using a kinda common-ish phrase to reference something similar but not quite?

Anyways, I'm finding it super interesting reading about how different all our brains work, with imagination and memory and stuff. It's kinda neat and kinda amazing. Like, brains are crazy, yo!

Like it's a fun little reminder that you can't just assume that someone's experience of any particular thing is identical to your own.

Now, having read that so long as you can visualize things in your imagination even a little bit then you can improve with practice, I feel like I need to go like find a brain gym or something to work out. Cause I want some of that sexy rexy photo-real imagination porn too!

Some random bits and bobs about me:

• I love hot showers. Specifically when you crank the water temperature up and the water is slightly scalding you as it hits your back. It's soooo satisfying, right up until you stop being able to feel it and have to turn it up a little higher. And your skin feeling all leathery when you get out is no fun

• Along those lines, when I have an itchy rash I like to have a shower. That scalding hot water on the itch feels almost comparable to an orgasm. Probably not good for the skin but holy crap does it feel good.

• Cats > Dogs. Forever. Maybe I just burned out on them, we had like 10 dogs (mostly Tibetan Terriers, plus a few Collies) when I was growing up because my Mother bred them. I don't dislike dogs mind you, I just greatly prefer cats. They tend to be quieter too in my experience.

• Favourite food would probably be a chicken and feta pizza.

• The only time in the past one and a half years I've left my house was to vote. Before that I worked night shifts at a supermarket (that was closed at night), and that was basically the only thing that got me out of the house. That probably sounds a little concerning, but I'm fine with it. Not agoraphobic or anything, I just don't really enjoy real life socializing. Hermit fo' life, yo.

• I often get people asking me where I'm from because I supposedly have a slight accent. I'm not sure how, I don't hear anything different and it's not like my family are recent immigrants or anything. I guess I just talk funny.

• I found MUDs and MUCKs back in like '99, but never really did any RP of any sort until just over a year ago. I had a ton of fun with it, but my anxiety made it way more stressful than it needed to be. I'm still waiting to find a new place that jumps out at me and makes me want to give it another shot.

• I don't drink coffee, or tea. I mostly just drink tap water. Not because of any health related reasons, just because I hate the taste of coffee, don't like the taste of tea, and water is just easier.

There you go, some facts about a random lurker you never thought you would, could, or should know.

I also now wonder if maybe I'm one of the normies and it's just the couple friends I talked to who have freaky good imaginations? So I guess we'll learn that from this thread too!

(And Gunnerkrigg is rad, yes. I can't wait to be inevitably disappointed when someone decides to try start a Mu* based on it <_<)

@JinShei @Kestrel I feel like I'd be more likely to buy Corona beer at the moment, because I'm an awful person that loves puns and even though I haven't thought of a good pun to be made about it the possibility of it existing is enough for me to want to drink it.

But I'm a terrible human being, so... YMMV?

(to be clear I am not a fan of Corona, the beer or the virus)

@JinShei @Kestrel I feel like I'd be more likely to buy Corona beer at the moment, because I'm an awful person that loves puns and even though I haven't thought of a good pun to be made about it the possibility of it existing is enough for me to want to drink it.

But I'm a terrible human being, so... YMMV?

(to be clear I am not a fan of Corona, the beer or the virus)

I'd like to quickly apologize if the thread name offended or upset anyone. I wasn't meaning to imply that aphantasia is a literal lack of imagination, I suppose I more meant it like with air quotes? Kinda? Also I had this little laugh because I thought it was a bit punny, using a kinda common-ish phrase to reference something similar but not quite?

Anyways, I'm finding it super interesting reading about how different all our brains work, with imagination and memory and stuff. It's kinda neat and kinda amazing. Like, brains are crazy, yo!

Like it's a fun little reminder that you can't just assume that someone's experience of any particular thing is identical to your own.

Now, having read that so long as you can visualize things in your imagination even a little bit then you can improve with practice, I feel like I need to go like find a brain gym or something to work out. Cause I want some of that sexy rexy photo-real imagination porn too!

I also now wonder if maybe I'm one of the normies and it's just the couple friends I talked to who have freaky good imaginations? So I guess we'll learn that from this thread too!

(And Gunnerkrigg is rad, yes. I can't wait to be inevitably disappointed when someone decides to try start a Mu* based on it <_<)

So recently (or recently-ish?) stuff about aphantasia was floating around twitter. For the record I'm pretty sure I don't have it since I can create mental images (albeit not very good ones), but doing a little digging had me realize that even though I can kiiiinda imagine stuff, I really can't do it nearly as well as some of my friends can.

For example if I'm RPing and imagining what the characters are doing? All I really 'see' are just... I don't know how to describe it, vaguely people-shaped blobs with... impressions(?) tied to them. Like I won't 'see' a hairstyle, I'll just have this kinda gut feeling for what kinda hairstyle that character might have.

As another example, I saw my mother 30 minutes ago but I can't really picture her in my head. I can't describe her face, I can't accurately recall how grey her hair is. If I see a picture of her then I obviously recognize her, but without her (or a picture of her) in front of me I can't describe her in any detail. The things I can describe are more facts that I know rather than things I remember.

Anyway as fascinating as I'm sure this is to all of you, the part that really caught me off guard was how this suddenly re-contextualized certain things that I've always been a bit dismissive of.

PBs. I never really understood the point. I could look at someone's PB, study it intently, and then tab to my BeipMU window and everything I just saw had vanished in an instant and I was just imagining kinda vaguely shaped blobs of nothing interacting. Maybe with hair color. And even the vague impression that my mind would create would often be completely at odds with the PB I just looked at. This is as much true for my own characters as it is for other people's. But the idea that other people potentially can actually somehow imagine the PBs moving around as the characters during a scene suddenly makes it all make so much more sense. (Also kinda makes me a bit jealous <_<)

Overseas vacations are another thing. I suppose I could kinda see some of the appeal, but when a friend would want to pay thousands of dollars to spend a week in some other country it always just seemed to me like a massive waste of money. The way I always thought of it was that at the end of that week you'd have nothing to show for those thousands of dollars. And of course my friends would always say they'd have the memories, but I just couldn't imagine (hah!) that being worthwhile. But I suppose, if you're able to imagine things well enough to sorta relive those memories even a little? I guess I can kinda see that being valuable.

I suppose it could also explain why I'm so bad at writing descriptions. (Or maybe that's just me fishing for an excuse :P)

Anyway I just thought it was kinda interesting, and wondered how many other people here might have similar issues. I'm also kinda curious what other things out there might suddenly get new context and become more understandable in light of this little 'discovery'.

Some random bits and bobs about me:

• I love hot showers. Specifically when you crank the water temperature up and the water is slightly scalding you as it hits your back. It's soooo satisfying, right up until you stop being able to feel it and have to turn it up a little higher. And your skin feeling all leathery when you get out is no fun

• Along those lines, when I have an itchy rash I like to have a shower. That scalding hot water on the itch feels almost comparable to an orgasm. Probably not good for the skin but holy crap does it feel good.

• Cats > Dogs. Forever. Maybe I just burned out on them, we had like 10 dogs (mostly Tibetan Terriers, plus a few Collies) when I was growing up because my Mother bred them. I don't dislike dogs mind you, I just greatly prefer cats. They tend to be quieter too in my experience.

• Favourite food would probably be a chicken and feta pizza.

• The only time in the past one and a half years I've left my house was to vote. Before that I worked night shifts at a supermarket (that was closed at night), and that was basically the only thing that got me out of the house. That probably sounds a little concerning, but I'm fine with it. Not agoraphobic or anything, I just don't really enjoy real life socializing. Hermit fo' life, yo.

• I often get people asking me where I'm from because I supposedly have a slight accent. I'm not sure how, I don't hear anything different and it's not like my family are recent immigrants or anything. I guess I just talk funny.

• I found MUDs and MUCKs back in like '99, but never really did any RP of any sort until just over a year ago. I had a ton of fun with it, but my anxiety made it way more stressful than it needed to be. I'm still waiting to find a new place that jumps out at me and makes me want to give it another shot.

• I don't drink coffee, or tea. I mostly just drink tap water. Not because of any health related reasons, just because I hate the taste of coffee, don't like the taste of tea, and water is just easier.

There you go, some facts about a random lurker you never thought you would, could, or should know.

Finally screwed up my courage and stopped lurking long enough to do this playlist thing. Not sure why it terrifies me, but anxiety is weird like that

Fear & Loathing: Angélique Fleurette Delacroix
Flashpoint Gotham: Angela Lord

Maybe I'll be brave enough to try some place else soon. And maybe my next character's name won't start with Ang