An Apology Regarding Kushiel's Debut
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Hi!
I've been considering doing this for a while, hemming and hawing and being uncertain as to whether it would be helpful or terrible or what. I'm going to give it a whirl though while I am feeling brave.
I want to both explain and apologize for the events that took place last spring that resulted in several players of KD feeling upset and left out and the explosion of conversation here that snowballed from that. I decided at the time not to contribute anything to the 'Advertisement: Kushiel's Debut' thread because I did not think that anything I had to share would make things any better, and so many people on both sides were so upset that I did not want to risk making things worse.
I feel terribly about the hurt feelings and anger that resulted from an event I 'ran' at a time when tensions were already running high for some people regarding where the game was going and what place they could create for their characters on that path. It was not my intention to embarrass anyone helping the staff, or to exclude people from something they really wanted to do.
I don't think excuses serve much purpose but I do want to offer an explanation so that my intentions can be understood. I have a bad habit of over-extending myself, of saying "Yes sure of course" when people ask for my help at work or in my home life, and I over-extended myself regarding the MU* too. Some of you might know I am a school teacher, and May/June are just about the most insane months of my year. Days that I spend testing and observing and evenings spent writing up reports to present in meetings. It's stressful and rushed and I need to learn how to do a better job of balancing. That's my issue though, not anyone elses.
The event that I was helping to run in June, the one that wrapped up one part of a storyline that had been started two years prior and moved in fits and starts as players came and left, was a dramatic failure because of the way I approached it. I was not trying to feature one of my staff PCs while leaving others out...rather I was feeling pressured to 'get something done' so that one part of the story could finish and the next ones could begin. I am well aware now that that was an incredibly stupid way to staff. It was haphazard in execution and did not at all consider what the players really wanted, instead it was a check off on a to do list scrabbled together quickly. I asked another player who had come in with some 'hooks' involving that plotline to grab some others, picked an arbitrary number of how many 'others' were needed, and set up a date.
The date and timing of the event was also a disaster. I was not thinking like someone running a game, I was considering what would 'make sense' or 'be cool' for the setting. If this was a novel and not a MU* it would have been great...a secret ritual performed on the night of the biggest masqued ball of the year, when the veil between mortals and Angels goes thin. Great stuff for a book! Shitty stuff for a MU*, because it left the person running the masqued ball feeling shafted, it left all of the players whose characters were attending feeling shafted -and- well aware that something fun and cool was happening that they were not included in as they saw people slipping out to go to the other event. I don't blame people for feeling upset, it was a haphazard, short-sighted way to just get something 'done' rather than to do something -well- in a manner that would be fun for many people. I was distracted with real life stressors and should have waited until I was not. Clear evidence of this is someone asking me whether I'd told the player/staffer running the masqued ball what the plan was. I said "Yeah, she knows, she was there discussing logistics with us when we talked it out last week." I wasn't lying, I just was mistaken...I did not even remember that I had not informed a staff member of our plan. That is how frazzled I was at that point in time, that something so crucial could slip my mind and allow me to think I'd already handled it.
The suggestions people made on that thread after the fact all would have been great. There was no reason that twice as many people couldn't have been involved in the event, there's all kinds of ways we could have pulled more in. There's no good reason why every single PC on the grid that night couldn't have been involved, praying at temples as some suggested or watching out for guards or doing any number of things. If I'd been deliberate and thoughtful about the end of that storyline, instead of just plowing through it, I would have surely been able to make it much more accessible, and something fun instead of something that left so many people feeling left out. I'm sorry I did not handle it better, I am sorry I did not consider all of these things instead of rushing something that really did not need to be rushed.
Though I have years of experience with text games as many of you do here, I am still learning. Still figuring out what works and what doesn't and trying to adjust accordingly. I understand I made mistakes there that were really frustrating for many people, some players, some who staffed with me, etc. I was not trying to be selfish or spoiled or malicious, I know that isn't easy to believe. But I was also not putting enough time and thought into what was best for the larger group. I sincerely apologize for the frustration, irritation, and feelings of rejection and marginalization that resulted in.
I have no ulterior motive for sharing this now. I am not expecting people who were upset to return to give the game another try, I just wanted to do this for myself, because I do understand where I erred and because I want those effected to know I understand. I deliberately avoided pulling in other people or invoking their names because this post is not about anyone else. Just me and my own thoughts.
Thanks for reading.
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Just to throw this out there, I've been speaking with @Gingerlily for a while now; we've talked, and mended our fences, and she knows I
her. I do firmly believe that she means what she's saying, here. The game is something else entirely, but this apology is genuine. -
It seems sincere. I can accept the apology. I honestly would never go back and play there again, but good on you.
Edit: Not because of you, Gingerlilly. That was just mistakes, the big plot scene. That's forgivable. I had other issues on your game that had nothing to do with you.
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Thanks guys!
And like I said, this wasn't a plug for the game or an attempt to get people who left for whatever reasons to return. This is just a me apologizing for something I did that upset people. It happened on the MU*, but that's just location. What people think about KD itself, whether they want to play it or never will again or want to consider it...entirely separate subject!
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It takes a lot of courage (or conscience) to own it when you screwed up, and apologize. Never played the game, but respect.
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Yeah, it takes a lot especially as staff to admit you may have messed up. I don't like that term, but I can't think of one I do like. Perhaps had a moment of 'not thinking'? So yay for sincere apologies. They are rarely truly made.
Moreover they are rarely made now days by staff. I wasn't a player or affected by this, but it is good to read.
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@Gingerlily Everyone screws up. You screwed up less than most, and the fact you can admit it mitigates that a great deal to boot.
You're okay.
- He who takes offense when not intended is a fool. He who takes offense when intended is a greater fool.
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Thanks! I think you are pretty okay too:)! But that was a nice complement to hear!
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#TeamGingerlily.
"Excuse the hell out of you. He's a bag of dicks. I'm a carefully curated box of cocks." -- to @GirlCalledBlu upon being misrepresented.
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@Coin said in An Apology Regarding Kushiel's Debut:
#TeamGingerlily.
And here I was expecting a lecture from you for posting on Soapbox ;).
#TeamCoin
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@Gingerlily Look, here on MSB we've seen nepotists, petty tyrants, cheaters, doxxers, bullies and inept fools. Sometimes in creative combinations of those things.
You got stressed due to a busy life and outreached your grasp by running plot wrong. You're a goddamn monster.
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Your own fault for trying to play this game for any other reason than BDSM themed TS.
Do you have any logs of pegging or excessive handholding? Asking for a friend. :3
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@Gingerlily said in An Apology Regarding Kushiel's Debut:
@Coin said in An Apology Regarding Kushiel's Debut:
#TeamGingerlily.
And here I was expecting a lecture from you for posting on Soapbox ;).
#TeamCoin
I ain't'cho daddy. You do whatever you wanna do.
"Excuse the hell out of you. He's a bag of dicks. I'm a carefully curated box of cocks." -- to @GirlCalledBlu upon being misrepresented.
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But is it okay if I call you Daddy?
(ew that joke feels gross and weird but I wanted to make it)
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@Gingerlily said in An Apology Regarding Kushiel's Debut:
But is it okay if I call you Daddy?
(ew that joke feels gross and weird but I wanted to make it)
Whatever floats your boat..?
I mean it might have trouble floating with all those whips and chains and stuff, but heeeeey.
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@Gingerlily If it makes you feel better... I only mildly felt left out on the plot stuff but shrugged it off. I left for reasons entirely unrelated to plot things. Which i stated, somewhere here that i forget whete, that i would not go into on a public setting. You are welcome to chat at me on skype about it. I am Kaedria (the Canadian one). I only kinda glance here these days.
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@icanbeyourmuse
People come and go on games for all kinds of reasons. There wasn't really a mass exodus per say, but I was aware some people were upset and as a direct result of a mistake I made, and that is why I decided I wanted to apologize for it. I would rather be known as a crappy storyteller than unkind.
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@Gingerlily Ha. I've never found you unkind! I've been loosely debating returning, dunno, though. We'll see. WoW owns my soul atm.
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@icanbeyourmuse
I tried to play WoW many years ago, but was so terrible at it that my husband was actually yelling at me for screwing up our quests/battles/etc. At which point I decided to let him continue to play and stick to activities that require less hand-eye co-ordination and speed.
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@Gingerlily Haha. If you ever decide to try again, I got people who deal with my 'Just a sec. Went the wrong way.' 'Hold on, dying!' so you can come hang out with us.
PS. I say those two a LOT. Which is why they have a running joke about me and always have buddy mounts to make me get on so they can drive me. Haha.
