Autism and The MU* Community

[Herja]

@ganymede My daughter is on the spectrum and operates in a similar way. She can be a really kind kid in that she does a lot to help out with her little brother and she loves animals but she is also the sort that will burst out laughing if someone else is crying or having a meltdown. She says things that are incredibly hurtful and is confused when I explain to her why that was super messed up. She doesn't respect authority in the form of a person at all, but she does respect "the rules". if you tell her a rule, she follows it without deviation even when deviation from the rules makes more sense socially. She is exceedingly, brutally honest, even when it would be better for her if she lied.

[Ganymede]

@herja

This almost precisely describes my daughter.

Are you my spouse?

She’s trying. She really is. But I keep the rules sacred for the reason that it is all she really follows.

[il-volpe]

@ganymede If her reading is up to it, Miss Manners (Judith Martin) is incredibly helpful.

[Clarity]

@herja When I was a kid I couldn't control my emotions, and so when I was getting told off, and in serious trouble for something, I'd laugh. Giggle even. You can just imagine how well this went down. Suffice to say, punishments esculated substantially. Alot.

[Clarity]

@kk said in Autism and The MU* Community:

I read the question are people with Autism more insecure? At least I think that is what I read, but I have autism!

So my first reaction to that is, sometimes, oftentimes, but certainly not always and maybe not even mostly.

I do think (although I could be wrong) that there is greater risk of low self esteem in people on the spectrum. But I also think that people on the spectrum are so varied and different from reach other, there is no generalization that really works either.

I have suffered with intense insecurity and low esteem that recently (While far from perfect) is much improved. There were two things that really helped it it improved.

1. One was working on a covid unit. Maybe sounds nutty, but in doing such I was like I am needed I am valuable to society and to other people. I have brave and strong too!

2. Another thing that helped my insecurity was accepting that not everyone likes me and that is okay and that people can dislike me without it being a big deal or without them having any ill will towards me. I learned that from Arx of all places!

I think there are few things that help with confidence in autism.

1. Is viewing autism as being different, but not being broken. I was taught as a child that I was a disappointment and broken. When i came to see myself as simply different, but not broken, things got better.

2. Accepting that one has autism, knowing one has autism and being able to talk about it also helps. That is why I think it is a mistake to hide an autism dx from children as some parents do. I knew since I was little I had autism, but some don't find out until later and I think that can be hard.

3. Money/finances/job/a place to live being okay. Some people on the spectrum are not in a place of being able to work and for them it is important they have support and have their basic needs taken care of. I am very capable of working, but not everyone autistic person is and some can work if given support, but that support needs to be given. My job is aware of my autism and supportive about such.

4. Excepting that not everyone is not going to like one and that such is okay. That people can even dislike you and wish you the best and etc. You cannot please everyone, but can nutty trying to.

Pre diagnosis, I had a shitload of insecurity. Because I constantly saw myself as really different and pretending to fit in, and mostly just failing abysmally. Not understanding why I struggle to cope with sensory issues nor what I needed to do to eleviate it. And just generally just failing at social, misunderstanding people constantly.

After diagnosis it's been a whole lot easier. Just having that understanding of why, makes all the difference. I'm no longer forcing myself to fit a square peg into the round hole. When I don't understand, I ask more. And am getting more confident about doing so. I am standing up for myself a bit more with the knowledge of where I struggle. And just realising that there are sensory triggers that I need to be aware of, and learning different methods to handle.

It's a work in progress, not perfect but a hell of a roller coaster. Most of my family don't know yet. So I haven't been able to talk about it too much with many people. My social circles are VERY limited still. That one is still very much a work in progress.