Posts made by Kitty Kat

Super excited to see an actual Stargate Project again! Please make sure you open safe and sound for all of us.

I've used 'Staff NPCs' before as plot or story characters, that is to say, these are characters I created expressly for a storyline, and only played them to help promote that storyline.

Unless you expressly make it clear they are Staff NPCs though, and like, label it in their finger/info etc. there is a strong likelihood that people might take an ill-view of it though; especially if said NPC is stronger than a regular character in anyway.

It's a good tool though, when not abused, or used for some of the above-mentioned examples.. like spending time TSing with favorites. XD

That said, I think before making any Staff NPC as a character bit, you need to really ask yourself if it could be accomplished by using your staff bit, and some emotes. ^.^

@Thenomain said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

@Kitty-Kat said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

@Ganymede said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

You don’t need to explain your apology to anyone. The apology is just fine.

Thanks Ganymede. I just, really want to be part of the MUSH community again.

But you almost escaped!

I guess it's true; there's nobody here but us crazies.

So true, I guess one never fully overcomes an addiction. XD

@TiredEwok said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

@Ganymede

Fair enough, and in hindsight it wasn't my question to ask but, like I said, I was curious.

I wasn't offended or bothered at all, if it helps, or makes a difference. I have no problems with being questioned, or having to prove myself.

If you ever want to talk a little more in-depth, feel free to PM me, and I can try and answer any questions you like, to the best of my ability.

@Ghost said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

Also @Kitty-Kat

Have a high quality Aww gif. I'm sure typing that out felt less than fun

PS: If I ever decide to start mushing again you're always welcome at my table. Everyone deserves redemption.

Thanks Ghost. If you ever do start mushing again, let me know, I'd love to play with you. Most of my RP Group has scattered to the four corners of the seven kingdoms. XD Some of them, probably because I was a Cersei-level bitch, others have just moved on/stopped playing MU*

Sounds like a pretty awesome and unique concept for a game.

@Auspice said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

@Kitty-Kat said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

@Auspice said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

I'd just like to take a moment to recommend reading the book 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' if you are sincere. The title of the book may seem, in a sense, counter-intuitive but it's really anything but. It's given me a lot of moments to really think about my stances on myself, my approach to people and life, and how I'm viewing things.

And (from the basis of the book) if you are sincere: you need to really, really take a new approach to your values.

Thanks Auspice, I'll definitely check it out. I've definitely had to leave a lot of what I used to consider 'values' at the door, especially when I realized how toxic some of them could be, especially when used as justifications for shitty behavior.

I.E. Being less than civil with someone, under the justification, they disrespected me.. so it's cool to treat them however I want. - What a load of trash, I can't believe I used to actually think that was true, let alone, expected anyone else to give the thumbs up on it.

It is a good book. I've been really taking my time going through it and approaching it the same way I did my textbooks in college. Mine is full of highlighted passages, marginalia, etc. I'll probably re-read it with especial focus on those sections (so that I'm focusing on what I knew was vital to me, not any tidbits where I went 'ha! I know someone like that!' and maybe got distracted).

Sounds like it's been indispensable, and that doubles down my desire to find a copy, even if I have to find a pdf or check a copy out of a local library (which is getting harder thanks to budget cuts in Ontario!). If you have any other recommendations, please feel free to send them my way. I've got lots of reading time, and a really strong desire to never be the person I fell into being somehow, ever again.

@Auspice said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

I'd just like to take a moment to recommend reading the book 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' if you are sincere. The title of the book may seem, in a sense, counter-intuitive but it's really anything but. It's given me a lot of moments to really think about my stances on myself, my approach to people and life, and how I'm viewing things.

And (from the basis of the book) if you are sincere: you need to really, really take a new approach to your values.

Thanks Auspice, I'll definitely check it out. I've definitely had to leave a lot of what I used to consider 'values' at the door, especially when I realized how toxic some of them could be, especially when used as justifications for shitty behavior.

I.E. Being less than civil with someone, under the justification, they disrespected me.. so it's cool to treat them however I want. - What a load of trash, I can't believe I used to actually think that was true, let alone, expected anyone else to give the thumbs up on it.

@surreality said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

I never played on one of your games, or encountered you anywhere but here, for what it's worth, so I can't say "I know how it was".

I can say that if you're sincere, and you're making this change, you really will be much happier for it in the long run, even if it's hard now. Awkward and tense as things may be for a while, that's something worth holding on to.

No snark, good luck to you on this path. Will keep my fingers crossed for you, 'cause this stuff is hard.

Thank you, that means a lot to me. It was a very bitter pill to swallow when I realized, I was the villain of the story, not the victim or the hero as I had so portrayed myself, and believed myself to be.

After dealing with abuse your whole life, it's hard to imagine you've become the 'abuser' in any way, even in something as simple as a text-based environment, but I definitely was.

@Ghost said in Death of Stalin/Paranoia game:

On second thought, this idea could also become WORKING A NORMAL ASS JOB IN A NORMAL ASS OFFICE MUX

For some reason, The Office, but as a MUX, and not 'The Office' sounds amazing.

@Sunny said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

Thank you for posting this.

That said, I've seen you do this before. There are a few people you gave a similar apology to and then turned on a few years ago, and I watched a couple of people get hurt over and over. When I can see it from the distance that I've had -- I've never actually been on one of your games -- it's pretty bad.

I am skeptical, but I'm also willing to wait and see, to give you the opportunity to walk the walk you're talking.

Thanks, to be honest, I don't know if I was ever in the right head-space, or realization of my actions before to even issue an apology, if those counted as such, considering they were riddled with excuses, and me trying to defend myself. Personally, I know they sucked as any form of apology, but I was kind of blinded by my own hubris (I guess?) before.

@TiredEwok said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

@Ganymede

Where I'd normally agree with you, I think an explanation is more than warranted in this instance. I don't want to get into a long, drawn out debate on the subject, but I will say that considering people were treated as badly as they were by her, they have a right to know why it has taken so long to get an apology.

Totally fair. My intention was never to hurt anyone, in my mind, it was all these people against me because they sucked, not because I was a bad person.. which I was.

@Ganymede said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

You don’t need to explain your apology to anyone. The apology is just fine.

Thanks Ganymede. I just, really want to be part of the MUSH community again.

@TiredEwok said in Not even sure what to title this, but here goes..:

@Kitty-Kat

So what you're saying is that you've had your so-called 'come to Jesus moment' and seen the err of your ways and all that? I am curious as to what made you see it now and not back when people here were talking about your behavior. I am curious as to why you were so behavior blind then only to suddenly become aware of how you were acting now. What happened to make you realize that you behaved beyond badly and owed a lot of people an apology?

While an apology is nice, you need to do more than admit you behaved in a shitty manner and say you're sorry. You need to back this all up with actions. Prove to the people you are apologizing to that you've changed. Don't fall back on past behaviors and start acting like that PHB (to use your acronym) that drove people away. Show them that you're striving to be a better version of yourself and that you've grown past all that bat shit, insane behavior you were guilty of. Then move on. Don't belabor it. Let them decide if they want to forgive you and try to rebuild the friendship, or let them walk away if they feel keeping you at arm's length is for the best. And remember... the onus is on you to do the heavy lifting, so to speak. It is up to you to fix things.

Mostly? It was just realizing that I was the problem, not others. I suppose until I was ready to admit that, no amount of anything was going to make me see it any differently. I don't expect anyone to see me any differently either, just, trying to show, that I do want to be part of the community, and that I am aware how harmful, and terrible my actions were.

Heya MSB,

Some of you probably have no idea who I am, while others might still remember my shenanigans vividly. Whatever the case, I spent so many nights agonizing over this post, and how such a small group, could have caused me so much introspection.

Most of my life, nobody called me out on my bullshit, nobody made me accountable for how damaging my actions could be.

Whether a casually sarcastic remark, or a minor insult, all the way to a full blow-up where some hapless individual, regardless of what they may have done, is now getting yelled at and treated like shit.

So many of the people around me in my life, they told me it was ok. They told me I was not at fault. I believed it, because I wanted to. I spent time in constant denial as I spent 2 years or so being dragged through the mud by MSB (pun intended, kinda?).

At least, that's how I saw it. While not everything I've been accused of, is true, most of what I've done is unacceptable. I don't even know where to begin, in trying to explain, how unacceptable I've realized over the past year it was. The only reason my name could be dragged through the mud, was because of my own actions and behavior.

I stepped back from the MUSH community as a result, and closed 2 of my 3 active games, only leaving Fallout: El Dorado up for the sake of the people who do still logon, or anyone who wanted to reminisce. I've not played, not been part of this community, as I worked on myself, both within my own means, and also seeking out the psychological help I so dearly needed to help get me back on track.

This is getting kind of long-winded, when I only wanted to say a few things.

First of all...

I am so, god damn sorry. There are no excuses for my actions, nothing anyone had done to me, nothing anyone said to me, or anything that anyone did that justifies how I acted. I was a total bitch, the epitome of a PHB from the old days, and I was totally unaware of it. I didn't act like an Admin trying to run a game for others enjoyment, even if that was my desire, I acted like a power hungry bitch who lorded over players like a monarch.

How fucking awful is that? It's terrible. I understand now why I was the subject of numerous threads in the hogpit. I was acting like some of the worst people in this hobby, and of course, that would engender comparisons between myself and other people who are acting similarly psychotic.

I also, for some reason, really, have desired the approval of this community. I understand that I could have tried to hide, changed my IP, never come on here, never revealed myself etc. but I don't think that's right in a small hobby of people. I guarantee with my new perspective, and personal growth, I wouldn't be singled out based on behavior, but none-the-less, I want to put myself out there.

I want the people I wronged to know, that I am so god damned sorry. Some of you were genuinely friends to me, the problem was? I was NOT a friend to you in my behavior.

I screwed up. It's that simple. My actions and behavior were on nobody but me, and I am sorry, and as time goes on, and has gone on, I hope I will continue to prove; that I am sorry, truly sorry.. not like the half-assed apology I gave while in denial a year ago.

I am sorry. No strings attached. I regret the way I squandered my friends, players, and what I had. It was psychotic, and I understand that people may dislike, or hate me for that to this day.

I won't defend my actions again, I screwed up as an admin, friend, and member of this community.

I am willing to prove, however I can though, that I am not the other people I am accused of being. Whether that means providing my birth certificate, along with photo IDs in a video chat? or something to prove things to an Admin on this forum, I am happy to.

I just want to be part of this community, to participate, and to offer whatever I can as a fellow creative role-player.

Warmest Regards,

Kat (Vault Girl/Red Queen/Lilith)

P.S. I'm thankful, either way to MSB, for helping me see how my behavior was affecting my interactions with others, not just in this community, but in other avenues, including real life.