Couples who MU together



  • I've come across a few of these in my days. Been seeing it a bit lately on a few games that are a bit more competitive and wanted to get the communities viewpoint on something.

    Is it reasonable to treat the PCs of a couple as alts? Not in the you can't RP together sense but in the can't cause direct benefit to the couple's character sense?


  • Politics

    @BobGoblin said:

    I've come across a few of these in my days. Been seeing it a bit lately on a few games that are a bit more competitive and wanted to get the communities viewpoint on something.

    Is it reasonable to treat the PCs of a couple as alts? Not in the you can't RP together sense but in the can't cause direct benefit to the couple's character sense?

    No. Breaking the Fourth Wall is for Deadpool. Playing with a spouse is functionally no different than playing with any member of a troupe, which means you would have to bar troupe members from being a benefit to one another. And then, there's no reason for a troupe.



  • I agree with @Ganymede. I understand the initial concern, that RL couples will always act as a trustworthy, honest and open ally. This sort of thing can ruin board games. However, were you to police that, you would also need to hit up RL friends, people who have MU*'d together before, Staff who know each other, and so on.

    The reality is that playing among strangers, having people you know and can rely on is a solid benefit.



  • Definitely agree they shouldn't be treated as alts. It isn't really that different than apping into a game with a bunch of friends, which is pretty common and not something I think anyone would consider policing. I've known some couples who MU* together and are fine, others who are weird and annoying, but that's also just down to people being people.



  • I think I'd be hesitant to have them being members of opposing factions, as every time I can remember this happened, the hambeast forced hubby to betray their faction in order to become queen bee.



  • Couples who play together are just people with a close connection to another person. I game with several of my very best friends -- I don't imagine I would be less inclined to treat a spouse or boyfriend with more affection and consideration than I do a BFF.


  • Politics

    Disclaimer: playing with OOC couples who are also IC couples weirds me out.

    That said, this seems especially prominent when there are couples RP'ing together, creating multiple alts who also RP together. I've seen the line blurred more often than a cop at Timmy's. Don't think there's really anything you can do about it except avoid if shit gets real.


  • Admin

    @VulgarKitten said:

    Disclaimer: playing with OOC couples who are also IC couples weirds me out.

    That said, this seems especially prominent when there are couples RP'ing together, creating multiple alts who also RP together. I've seen the line blurred more often than a cop at Timmy's. Don't think there's really anything you can do about it except avoid if shit gets real.

    I've played several IC couples with my OOC spouse and see nothing weird about that - there are many (many!) players who're not together iRL but have paired up more than once on characters so why is that 'better'?

    When I have time to MU* it means I'm no longer watching TV, having supper, etc... which strangely enough is exactly when when my wife isn't busy doing those things either. So if we're both available and want to play at the same time is it weirder that we do so or that we avoid each other?

    I just don't see why any of this would be actionable in any way. What's the problem?



  • @VulgarKitten said:

    That said, this seems especially prominent when there are couples RP'ing together, creating multiple alts who also RP together.

    This annoys me, too, but it always seems like a problem sensible alt limits would solve far more than anything else. Since the real problem is the incestuous web of relationships over multiple characters, not so much whatever two people are doing IRL.


  • Politics

    @Arkandel I didn't say there was a problem for anyone else, just that it weirds me out personally. It really does. And can more often lead to lines blurring. As for your first point re: people who have paired up more than once vs RL couples; it's completely different on so many levels. One is an online relationship, the other is a relationship that (more often than not) includes far more intimacy and feelings and the general tendency to want to please the other person because sex (and other stuff not nearly so exciting)!


  • Pitcrew

    It's funny: two of my close friends are married (and actually met each other on a MU*), and yet they rarely seem to RP together. They met each other before I knew them, so I think they RPed together more then, but since the time I knew them (when they were still dating/before they were married) they didn't really RP together a whole lot.


  • Admin

    @VulgarKitten said:

    @Arkandel I didn't say there was a problem for anyone else, just that it weirds me out personally. It really does.

    Fair enough, I can't really comment on a feeling, it's what it is.

    And can more often lead to lines blurring. As for your first point re: people who have paired up more than once vs RL couples; it's completely different on so many levels. One is an online relationship, the other is a relationship that (more often than not) includes far more intimacy and feelings

    When most people pair up without knowing each other iRL it's because several stars have aligned; their personalities match, their active times also do, they have compatible tastes and they are more or less certain the other person isn't a psychopath. Hopefully that's the case for most RL relationships as well. :)

    The only question here as far as the original question in this thread is concerned is whether this association creates problems somehow.

    That's what my observation was about - I don't see it. Sure, a bad set of people can blur the IC/OOC line and do favors for each other but if anything that makes online couples more prone to it; if Bob wants to score points with Jane online he'll have to do something in-game for her but if I do, I just need to take the garbage out on time. :)



  • It's when RL couples who are also an IC item become weird echo chambers of behavior or ideas-- that's what gets weird feels to me.

    Example:

    PC has a harsh, slightly creepy, overreactionary, not fun to RP with reaction to in game events. In most cases, you can just say: welp! IC opinion noted! That's creepy, I guess I won't go out of my way to interact with that!

    Except the spouse if this player who is also the PC partner has adopted the same position based on what I assume is a little bit of finding out IC but mostly OOC discussion about it.

    So now, it's two PCs going overboard and overreacting. I mean, all it's going to do is make it unattractive to RP with both of them but there's often a certain groupthought that takes over. It happens in playgroups of all kinds, though where the view of one PC or its player becomes the unexamined mascot for everyone else connected.


  • Politics

    @GangOfDolls said:

    It's when RL couples who are also an IC item become weird echo chambers of behavior or ideas-- that's what gets weird feels to me.

    Example:

    PC has a harsh, slightly creepy, overreactionary, not fun to RP with reaction to in game events. In most cases, you can just say: welp! IC opinion noted! That's creepy, I guess I won't go out of my way to interact with that!

    Except the spouse if this player who is also the PC partner has adopted the same position based on what I assume is a little bit of finding out IC but mostly OOC discussion about it.

    So now, it's two PCs going overboard and overreacting. I mean, all it's going to do is make it unattractive to RP with both of them but there's often a certain groupthought that takes over. It happens in playgroups of all kinds, though where the view of one PC or its player becomes the unexamined mascot for everyone else connected.

    This isn't really limited to OOC couples, though. This happens all the times between just friends who at the time are talking on Skype every day.


  • Coder

    I've seen it go well, I've seen it go miserably. Overall, there's been enough miserable that I have grown wary of OOC couples who RP on the same guy.

    @SG mentioned (oh so eloquently) one partner telling the other what's what, OOC. I've seen that happen more than once, albeit not in such an overt situation. I've seen @GangOfDolls' situation, as well. And like @Coin just said, it's not limited to OOC couples, but I do think I've seen it happen a little more overtly when it is OOC couples.

    So, in all, I guess I'm slightly skeptical about OOC couples, and definitely more skeptical when their IC opinions come to be suddenly aligned.

    I also can't stand the OOC angst, anger, snide comments, etc, that I've seen an OCC/RL partner pull, when the other partner's IC persona is flirted with!


  • Coder

    Jumping on the bandwagon: I've seen more drama and IC/OOC boundary-crossing by Online-BFFs who have never actually met iRL as I have by RL spouses. Not to say it never happens, but certainly not to a degree that singling them out would be appropriate.



  • Also note that two players, who talk a lot about game situations, may sync up in thinking and attitudes and how they express them in terms of phrasing. So they will naturally end up with similar or the same reactions to IC events unless they have a specific IC reason to not react that way. We do after all, rely on our own ability to perceive, and make judgments, and analyze real world topics that we then bring IC.


  • Pitcrew

    @skew said:

    I also can't stand the OOC angst, anger, snide comments, etc, that I've seen an OCC/RL partner pull, when the other partner's IC persona is flirted with!

    I don't know. I've seen that far more strong/toxic from online-only people than I ever have with MUing couples (though of course there are exceptions). But all the most crazy ass attacking people for messing with their "wo/man" and +where stalking and all that? Almost exclusively online only people.



  • I only +stalk you because I luuurrrrrve you.

    Or because you have a butter bean I need for my magics.


  • Pitcrew

    My SO and I (when we're both mushing) don't really play together. Most of the couples I know, they're not even remotely a problem. A lot of the time you'd never know without someone telling you. There are a few loud couples, but for the most part enh. The few toxic ones I know, one person in the relationship or the other is toxic beyond just that. I can't think of an occasion offhand where it was "man, if it weren't for the way Sally behaved in regards to Susie, she'd be great" instead of just "man, Sally is a raging psychoweasel in multiple ways, including her relationship with Susie".



  • @mietze said:

    @skew said:

    I also can't stand the OOC angst, anger, snide comments, etc, that I've seen an OCC/RL partner pull, when the other partner's IC persona is flirted with!

    I don't know. I've seen that far more strong/toxic from online-only people than I ever have with MUing couples (though of course there are exceptions). But all the most crazy ass attacking people for messing with their "wo/man" and +where stalking and all that? Almost exclusively online only people.

    Thirding this.

    I suspect it's stronger in these cases because this is the only connection these couples have. When there's an RL co-habitation thing going on, you can get whatever reassurance you may need that your partner is 'still there' and so on by just looking across the room, if that's something you feel you need to be reassured about. (As in, when said partner is still sitting there eating a bowl of cereal in his underwear, being super glam sexy, as they most assuredly do while watching cartoons on youtube, you know he hasn't run off with that hussy.)

    That's the kind of emotional security that people get very weird and fickle about online, if online's all they've got -- which is something I can wrap my head around and understand, even if it sends me over the moon bonkers when I have to put up with the absurd extremes of it.

    (I have my own cereal-eating, cartoon-watching-in-his-underwear guy. I don't need somebody else's.)


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