An Apology to BSO and BSU.
-
I should have said this to you a long time ago, but I was angry and upset when it seemed at the time you had caved to player pressure on the game. But I apologize to you. When I was on your game, at your table, I was an asshole. I wanted to be part of the in-crowd so desperatedly, I thought maybe.. if I joined in with their little in-jokes and suggestive commentary, I'd be accepted. I was wrong. And I did take it too far. I tried to reign it in, and then eventually I'd find myself floating back beyond the boundry again.
What happened with Snowglass was unacceptable. If I made her uncomfortable, that was clearly on me, and between me and I. I apologized to her on numerous occassions, but we have drifted apart since then, and there's nothing I can do about that. I regret losing a friend. I regret more taking advantage of that friendship when I clearly did.
@cupcake. I know I was a complete asshole to you on BSO. I can never fix that. I was so jealous at the attention that you got and it appeared to me that you had a favored status - and I just resented that. So I took it out on the only flaw I percieved you had. And that was completely wrong of me. I really did try at first with Zachary to get things off the ground. But I couldn't get people to go on patrols. I didn't understand what it was that Dropkick was wanting me to do and when I was too prideful to ask for direction. Eventually, I just retreated, and did what I thought everyone else was doing - concentrating on personal RP. Did I hit on women - yes. I won't deny that. I won't deny that I was having a terrible time and wanted something to build my confidence and make me feel whole again. And I took it out on you. When we met again years later as Joachim and Lydia - I didn't even know it was you. I was just excited to RP with you again and terrified that if I revealed to you who I was, you'd hate me forever. With this post, I wouldn't blame you if you did feel betrayed. I should have told you who I was. I should have never accepted the invitation to BSO's reboot. I apologize for both of those. And worse, I apologize for not treating you with the respect you so richly deserve. You are a great person and someone I enjoyed talking to.
Back to @faraday. Thank you for the swift kick in the ass. Thank you for the talks afterwards. Thank you for holding your ground, no matter how pissed I got. I've had time to think and process it all. Maybe someday I'll be welcomed onto the next game you decide to set up when BSGU runs it's course. I promise I will try harder and heed your advice further.
To BSU, I'm sorry that you had to deal with me at my worse. I wanted to fit in. And I tried too hard, and when it went against me, instead of stepping back and reconsidering my actions, I doubled down because I was sure of the strife and feedback and honestly thought that by running and doing things would outweigh my abrasiveness. It didn't. I didn't fit in, and I tried too hard to be something I wasn't and I ended up resenting myself and the game - and it was inevitable I would be removed - and I blame noone for their complaints about it.
To BSO, I'm sorry I came back on your game, Dropkick. I should have stayed gone - but I wanted to try to make it right. I didn't, and when I realized I was starting to fall back into old habits, I left rather than trying to stay on board. Was I called out eventually? Yes. I had no plans to return to the game, I was too lost in the giant theme shift that had happened, and that things were all confusing with the whole relationship stuff. Which.. well, to Bennett/Clara, I'm sorry for getting in the middle of all that stuff with Randy and Clara and Elena, and that's why I sorta.. just wanted to pull away. I should have just said so more clearly instead of trying to make it work.
-
You didn't "get in the middle of the stuff". You didn't like the way the RP was going and you had a fit instead of playing it out IC. You spent so much time lying about your identity that everyone knew it was a lie. You couldn't keep your story straight, and it just was weird.
I like you as a roleplayer and as an ST. I even think you're a pretty cool person to chat with. However, the emotional manipulation and the lying and the tantrums just are enough. I would happily play with you again on another game if you didn't pull that shit. You jerked me around, too, when I refused to have a Skype date with you, and I wonder where my apology is.
-
Please stop trying to emotionally manipulate me in private messages with lies about things that happened months ago. It's not going to work.
-
@tek
This is pretty standard behavior from this dude. Very sorry you had to experience it. Forewarned is forearmed for those reading, at least. -
@three-eyed-crow said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
@tek
This is pretty standard behavior from this dude. Very sorry you had to experience it. Forewarned is forearmed for those reading, at least.I know. And I'm someone who used to defend him until I was blue in the face. Whatever happened months ago that he's trying to emotionally blackmail me with was dealt with and everyone is cool with it. He's just trying to put me on the defensive and make me apologize to him, and it's not working.
-
Apologies are 'nice' but actions speak louder than words.
-
@tek There was nothing manipulative about it. You demanded an apology, I tried to offer one at the same time that you want to get in your shots about me knowing my 'lines' and such. I was told by more than one player that there was issues, and I removed myself. Since you decided to post here - I went off what I was told via page and reacted to it. I'm sorry if it was the wrong reaction, but that's something for me to work on.
DownWithOPP 9 minutes ago
I'm not even sure where to begin with an apology with you. Because part of it would start with the question of - when all that shit was going down on BSO with Elena/Clara/Randy, I was being told on the side that you were emotionally blackmailing Randy and Clara to accept the relationship and it was entering skivvy ground, which fed into the reason I pulled Alastair away from that whole mess.tek 9 minutes ago
My character was. I wasn't.
You need to learn where the lines are, dude.DownWithOPP 6 minutes ago
It wasn't just the character, dude. I was being told you were paging about it as well. But whatever. I'm sorry that I got it confused somehow. And that's why I'm away now. I'm working on my lines. Sorry if you're going to be an ass about it.tek 5 minutes ago
That's not an apology, and you're lying again.I was being told clearly that you, as a player were having a hard time with Randy and Clara. I bailed. I'm sorry I left you in the lurch.
-
There is literally no issue with me and those players. You never apologized to me for trying to get too close with me when your character was dating Miri and then killing your character when I wouldn't do a Skype date with you. And this is something you have done to other women before. Get your story straight.
-
Also, do we want to get into all of the various lies you told people about your life for sympathy? You have no high ground here, dude.
-
@downwithopp said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
Sorry if you're going to be an ass about it.
^ This is not how actual apologies work.
-
@tek Wrong. I killed off Marcus because I was way over my head trying to be the platoon leader and felt I was making too many mistakes.
But @surreality is right. And I apologize. I'm sorry I made a mistake with you. I have made mistakes. I know this. And I'm trying to work it out. So.. I'm just going to stick to that. I'm sorry I got angry at you @tek. So. I'm glad things worked out, because that's not the impression I was left with. It did, so it's good.
-
But you still lurched her. He could have been transferred out of command. Instead you pulled a ripcord on everyone attached to that character. It's not about your motivations, it's about the effects of your decision on other people.
-
@loke said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
But you still lurched her. He could have been transferred out of command. Instead you pulled a ripcord on everyone attached to that character. It's not about your motivations, it's about the effects of your decision on other people.
And he did so within a week of me telling him I wouldn't do a Skype date with him. And he suicided the character in a scene that I was in as corpsman just to twist the knife.
-
@loke You're right. And I didn't think about that at the time. And I didn't for a while. That's one of the things that I'm working on coming to terms with.
-
@tek said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
@loke said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
But you still lurched her. He could have been transferred out of command. Instead you pulled a ripcord on everyone attached to that character. It's not about your motivations, it's about the effects of your decision on other people.
And he did so within a week of me telling him I wouldn't do a Skype date with him. And he suicided the character in a scene that I was in as corpsman just to twist the knife.
I'm not sure I would call all of that intentional. Maybe careless.
-
I will note that the suicide of Marcus was not a single incident. He's done it on other games, too.
He did it on Unification twice and on 5th Kingdom.
So it's not like it was an accident, a mistake, or a 'one off' situation.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
-
@auspice Make sure you qualify that. Because it wasn't just two - I killed or removed other characters when the situation defined it. Perhaps I should have thought more on the effects on others as @loke said, but at the time, especially on BSGU, it fit the story in the situation - I only messed up on one death and pissed off @faraday because he was supposed to die on the deck instead of in a nuclear fire. The other one was because the player and I decided it was the best path. Was it careless at times? Yes.
-
Curiously, one of those was shortly after you came on to me OOCly shortly after our characters got together and I evaded it (because, well, creepy much?)... I go away IRL for the weekend and suddenly... your character dies in a +event.
On a game in which character death isn't a thing unless a player explicitly wants their character to die.
Your timing was utterly questionable and matches @tek's situation to a T.
Careless?
Once. Sure.
Four or more times?
Come the fuck on.
-
@loke said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
@tek said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
@loke said in An Apology to BSO and BSU.:
But you still lurched her. He could have been transferred out of command. Instead you pulled a ripcord on everyone attached to that character. It's not about your motivations, it's about the effects of your decision on other people.
And he did so within a week of me telling him I wouldn't do a Skype date with him. And he suicided the character in a scene that I was in as corpsman just to twist the knife.
I'm not sure I would call all of that intentional. Maybe careless.
Okay, I'd be willing to give that the benefit of the doubt. It's just hard to, given all of the other issues.
-
@auspice Uh. No. You were talking marriage and babies and shit, and I was uncomfortable with what was going on elseMU* (this was the same time as @tek for the record was doing all the weird shit with Clara/Randy, et al), so I made the move to put all my relationships to an end. I should have told you more on that, and I'm sorry. So, yes, I killed off the character, especially since it was a roster pull from a former character who informed me after I pulled the char that he wasn't supposed to be on roster, which made me feel worse. I made that decision. I'll own it.
