I'm perfectly TS open. That doesn't mean that I do it on every character I have, but if my character is down for it, then I am generally down for it too. Unless I'm not, in which case I'll just suggest we fade-to-black instead. Usually this is if the other person wants more of it than I do, and I'm more interested in getting that stuff over with so I can focus on the plotty or character growing stuff (which TS can certainly be part of, too, but not the 3rd time in a week.) One of the people I most enjoy to RP with hardly ever TS, but if the story takes us down into a romantic (not necessarily romantic romantic), we'll just fade to black on it.
Once or twice someone got overly attached, and projected the IC romance onto my OOC self, in which case I'll say I don't feel it's okay (it depends on the level of it). One time someone wanted to do shit I had no interest writing, and when I said it was cool that the characters did it, but I saw no reason to write it out, and s/he blew up on me, and I just extracted myself from the situation.
If people have boundaries, respect 'em.
I don't think I've ever discussed ts style with anyone, nor do I think I'd see much point in it. My TS writing is just an extension of what I write all the time. While there have been times that I've absolutely not been into the style of whatever partner I'm writing with, I never really felt it was my place to suggest they do it differently. I don't think I'd feel all that psyched about someone unsolicited directing me to write differently so they'd be more into it, though I suppose it depends on how they put it.
All that said, I'm pretty much on the second person bandwagon. Don't do it.
Edit to add:
The only thing I have to add that hasn't been covered here already is:
If I am on an actual game (and not goofing around on Shang), I want to be left out of it. I should be able to talk in terms of my PC and my character without ever bringing up what MY particular preferences/limits/etc. are. My kinks have no place (for me) in RP where I am playing a character and so on. When I say that I want to not talk about me or the person behind the other character (save to avoid things that might upset/trigger/whatnot the other person), that should be respected. Deal with it IC, play your PC, even in the bedroom. If your character whips out the chains, understand that REGARDLESS of what I might like, my character may very well flip the hell out. Just keep it IC. IC. IC. IC. IC.
TSing does not give my partner any ownership over my time as a player. Ever. I will bolt like a thing that bolts the first time somebody implies that they get to tell me what I can / can't do. My character virtually screwing your character does NOT imply anything about you and I as players. Period.
I have other rules and such (and many of them are mentioned here), but I'm really a sucker for throwing them out if the story is good and then regretting the hell out of it later. It's something I need to work on. No RP is worth pretending I didn't notice the 'oh, you ARE still allowed to RP with other people' comments.
@sunny I just wish I could upvote that more than once. Characters = / = players. I don't care what your kinks are, you don't know what mine are . . . !
@saosmash said in Let's talk about TS.:
@sunny I just wish I could upvote that more than once. Characters = / = players. I don't care what your kinks are, you don't know what mine are . . . !
AND I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW.
god I do not want to know.
I don't want to know kinks. I do however want to know /limits/ and /squicks/ because I don't want to ruin what could be a fun RP for someone.
This hobby is mutually creative, mutually constructive, and should be mutually enjoyable.
In that respect I /want/ to know what the other player doesn't like. What terminology. What acts. What anything so that everyone can have the most fun as possible.
Of course the characters are /still/ the characters and will like what /they/ like, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it and lay down some boundaries.
Hello! Long time listener, first time caller...
@sunny said in Let's talk about TS.:
god I do not want to know.
It's funny when you get into this really descriptive, depraved TS scene, and then realize the person you're playing with is someone who've played with for a while, and just didn't know was into that sort of kinky shit.
Communicate well.
@lordbelh said in Let's talk about TS.:
- Never stopped playing with someone over TS.
This reminds me - we talk a lot about limits here, which are basically blacklists.
On some games, and obviously Shang is one of them, folks sometimes use whitelists instead; people will only play with you if you check certain boxes. For example years ago - and I don't mean this in a judge-y way, just to give an example - I met someone who had a perfectly fun idea about RP (which wasn't even about TS per se)... only it had to involve shrinking her down to size to be a few inches tall. The plot wasn't even about her being miniscule, it was completely unrelated, which is the main reason it didn't go any further... but it serves to show sometimes the kinks want what the kinks want.
And when they do people will not play unless you match them.
@sunny said in Let's talk about TS.:
I will bolt like a thing that bolts
@lithium said in Let's talk about TS.:
I don't want to know kinks. I do however want to know /limits/ and /squicks/ because I don't want to ruin what could be a fun RP for someone.
This hobby is mutually creative, mutually constructive, and should be mutually enjoyable.
In that respect I /want/ to know what the other player doesn't like. What terminology. What acts. What anything so that everyone can have the most fun as possible.
Of course the characters are /still/ the characters and will like what /they/ like, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it and lay down some boundaries.
I'm just not on board with this. We (general we!) don't have these kinds of conversations for all the other sorts of RP that we engage in. I'm not interested in having it about the sex. It is incredibly uncomfortable for me when I express that I do not want to discuss this stuff in detail, I just want to play my character, and the person I am playing with pushes. Wanting to know details about my sexual preferences so you (general you) can make the scene more fun for me when you don't do that for any sort of other rp...that IS my squick.
ETA: @Arkandel Sure! Like that. Zooooooooom.
@sunny Then you do not want to communicate about a potentially sensitive topic.
IC is IC, I get that.
It's not impolite to ask someone before getting into a potentially intimate scene what is good for that person anymore than it is asking someone you're about to create a conflict with what they are ok with happening.
Communication is important.
ETA
@sunny said in Let's talk about TS.:
I'm just not on board with this. We (general we!) don't have these kinds of conversations for all the other sorts of RP that we engage in. I'm not interested in having it about the sex.
We (The General We) /SHOULD/ be having this conversation about ALL SORTS of other RP.
When did it become a good idea to STOP communicating on these games about /anything/?
Hello! Long time listener, first time caller...
@sunny Sometimes these conversations about limits /do/ happen outside the bounds of sexytimes, though. Like, if I run a horror scenario, I might ask players if they have any hard limits on content - whether it's 'no dead babies or children' or 'no spiders' or 'no eye stuff'. It's not meant to pry about their personal feelings about these things, but just to make sure an enjoyable scene doesn't hit something that instantly makes it not fun for the players involved.
IDK, I mean, if somebody is OOC uncomfortable with something I want to know that so that I can make them not uncomfortable, but that's not limited to sex. For example, I edited a tabletop scene recently because it was upsetting a player that I was making sad dog noises when some murderdogs were getting hurt, and I stopped doing it because why would I want to make my players uncomfortable?
@lithium said in Let's talk about TS.:
@sunny Then you do not want to communicate about a potentially sensitive topic.
IC is IC, I get that.
It's not impolite to ask someone before getting into a potentially intimate scene what is good for that person anymore than it is asking someone you're about to create a conflict with what they are ok with happening.
Communication is important.
Absolutely! And I don't mind the asking, at all.
It's when I say 'this is my preference' and that answer is not good enough, that's where my issue comes in. My answer of 'I have no limits, I will let you know if I get actually upset by something that happens as a natural part of the RP' should be enough. If I then get upset/offended/bothered by something at this point, it's on me.
I'm sorta with @Sunny in that, while I'm very much in favor of someone telling me their limits, because I don't want to be an asshole wrecking ball, I also don't really want to hear someone tell me OOCly what kinks they want fulfilled either.
People do have RP preferences. There's even code for that. So, sexual RP preferences may also come up in discussion. It's a thing. This doesn't necessarily mean a discussion of my personal kinks, though. My character's sexualities, preferences, hangups, etc, vary from character to character anyway, as do the sorts of things I think would be fun to explore with that character. Sometimes there's a sharp disconnect, but the RP can be fun without being something that personally I think is particularly sexy. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, endearing, funny, there's all sorts of emotions in play besides horny.
Squicks and limits, though, really are helpful. They're also helpful in non-sexual RP, but sexual RP is understandably more sensitive.
I am not advocating in any way that people not communicate this stuff. What I am saying is that I should be able to get the respect of having my own preference accepted. I don't want to bring players in. I have no limits beyond 'keep it in character'. Once I have said that, once I have expressed that I am not going to get squicked or whatever due to the nature of the RP, I should not have to continually repeat myself.
@peasoupling There's probably an argument for squicks to be a thing even on non-sex based games. I mean... I don't see what they could hurt.
If you never want pregnancy RP just stick it in there. Wait, are we doing phrasing?
@arkandel said in Let's talk about TS.:
@peasoupling There's probably an argument for squicks to be a thing even on non-sex based games. I mean... I don't see what they could hurt.
If you never want pregnancy RP just stick it in there. Wait, are we doing phrasing?
This is totally the point of prefs. Neutral space to inform.
@arkandel said in Let's talk about TS.:
@peasoupling There's probably an argument for squicks to be a thing even on non-sex based games. I mean... I don't see what they could hurt.
If you never want pregnancy RP just stick it in there. Wait, are we doing phrasing?
@sunny said in Let's talk about TS.:
@lithium said in Let's talk about TS.:
@sunny Then you do not want to communicate about a potentially sensitive topic.
IC is IC, I get that.
It's not impolite to ask someone before getting into a potentially intimate scene what is good for that person anymore than it is asking someone you're about to create a conflict with what they are ok with happening.
Communication is important.
Absolutely! And I don't mind the asking, at all.
It's when I say 'this is my preference' and that answer is not good enough, that's where my issue comes in. My answer of 'I have no limits, I will let you know if I get actually upset by something that happens as a natural part of the RP' should be enough. If I then get upset/offended/bothered by something at this point, it's on me.
Ok that I can get behind.
Your comment read to me originally as:
DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS AT ALL
Which is what I had an issue with.
Thanks for clearing up the misunderstanding.
Hello! Long time listener, first time caller...
I am quickly realizing that this boils down to pretty much the same as all of my other issues related to people and RP and fun and blah blah blah:
please don't make me repeat myself.
That's really it, I suspect.
ETA: Especially not when I have to repeat myself with stronger words. That really kills me.
I'm sorta with @Sunny in that, while I'm very much in favor of someone telling me their limits, because I don't want to be an asshole wrecking ball, I also don't really want to hear someone tell me OOCly what kinks they want fulfilled either.
