How to Approach (nor not) a Suspected Creep
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“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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@Ganymede said in How to Approach (nor not) a Suspected Creep:
Objection, your Honor: opposing counsel is making me look stupid with facts.
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For the record. If this happens:
PUB harasser: I'm gonna get you
PUB victim: please top talking to me, this is harassment
PUB victim has left the channelI see nothing wrong with
p victim=You all right there?
They can certainly tell me they're fine, okay, leave them alone or to piss off at their leisure, but showing concern is not wrongdoing. If they told me to piss off and leave them be, I'd do just that and write them off as not to waste my time with concern again.
I'm just a surge protector doing my job, sir.
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@Lotherio Sometimes, immediate displays of concern/empathy can come off as thirsty for gossip/drama when you're already on-edge and feeling like you might be a spectacle. If you are told to piss off, I'd hope you take into account that they might in fact be sensitive/vulnerable at the moment & not entirely write them off as a person worth concern.
Tinuviel about 9 hours ago
I hate you with the power of a thousand Pandoras. -
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@Pandora said in How to Approach (nor not) a Suspected Creep:
@Lotherio Sometimes, immediate displays of concern/empathy can come off as thirsty for gossip/drama when you're already on-edge and feeling like you might be a spectacle. If you are told to piss off, I'd hope you take into account that they might in fact be sensitive/vulnerable at the moment & not entirely write them off as a person worth concern.
I concur. I work with behavior disorders in real life. In this past week my conversions start out, "Mister it's my birthday and my mom laid her hands on my", "Mister, last night 'uncle' came in", "Mister I lost my (sibling)". Any of those kids can tell me to get the fuck out of town and I won't write then off, we'll come around. That said on a mu I will show concern once, if that's a trigger and they tell me to get the fuck out, fair enough, I'm not there to counsel or help. I'm not writing them off, I'll respect their online space.
I'm just a surge protector doing my job, sir.
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@Lotherio said in How to Approach (nor not) a Suspected Creep:
That said on a mu I will show concern once, if that's a trigger and they tell me to get the fuck out, fair enough, I'm not there to counsel or help. I'm not writing them off, I'll respect their online space.
@Lotherio said in How to Approach (nor not) a Suspected Creep:
If they told me to piss off and leave them be, I'd do just that and write them off as not to waste my time with concern again.
Emphasis mine. In either case it's entirely up to you what you do, I completely agree that we're not on these games to be anyone's counselor. It's just a bit of a conflict of statements here; if you're going to reach out in the first place, it wouldn't hurt to take into consideration the timing, if in fact your initial goal is to help.
Tinuviel about 9 hours ago
I hate you with the power of a thousand Pandoras. -
@Pandora said in How to Approach (nor not) a Suspected Creep:
if in fact your initial goal is to help.
In real life I enter volatile situations and ask immediately are you okay. I get a lot of the results indicated. These real life situations are ones that participants don't choose to be in/at and they've not learned or been introduced to tools/methods for coping.
Online text RP on the other hand is a complete choice to enter. If we both come around later oocly and end up getting along that's fine, but the cool down is an unknown. I'll ask, they can respond/ignore as they see fit. Unlike my real life youth, I'll give benefit of doubt to trust the person on the other line to have a few more life skills under their belt. If me asking okay on a mu doesn't go well I'll write them off for showing that concern again (asking okay after a incident), I'll trust they have some real method/friend/tool at their disposal.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm glad you're calling me on this. Trauma and trauma induced and informed and all this is super hot topic irl but is often misunderstood and misused. I believe what you're saying and think it should be understood, especially if a reader translated this to some situation in the world around them. I understand what you're saying and appreciate the concern all around, just this is my fun time too. If I get into my rp or some other staff duty my own dyslexia will kick in and this is a reading medium. My concern is expressed, they may even cool down and recall that I reached out. One never knows, one of my current real life favorites to work with is one that is much taller and heavier than me, or first interaction ended not so well with injury involved; I was unaware asking them to 'stop' was a trigger; we're pretty friendly now they'll ask to talk to me in situations, they reached out after to apologize (and very big kudos it was their initiative to do that not mediation/third party involvement)
I'm just a surge protector doing my job, sir.
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@Lotherio That's awesome, I definitely don't have the temperament to do what you do so I appreciate you all the more for it. I wasn't casting aspersions on your desire to help in the MU* context btw, I was pointing out that while you may be trying to help, plenty of people reach out in that same way trying to be instigators or gossip-gatherers & it's hard in a moment of high-pique to tell the difference.
Tinuviel about 9 hours ago
I hate you with the power of a thousand Pandoras. -
@Pandora said in How to Approach (nor not) a Suspected Creep:
I was pointing out that while you may be trying to help, plenty of people reach out in that same way trying to be instigators or gossip-gatherers & it's hard in a moment of high-pique to tell the difference.
I'll second this, awareness is good all around.
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@Pandora said in How to Approach (nor not) a Suspected Creep:
I was pointing out that while you may be trying to help, plenty of people reach out in that same way trying to be instigators or gossip-gatherers & it's hard in a moment of high-pique to tell the difference.
Agreed.
PLENTY of people have reached out to me after public drama incidents under the false flag of being a sorority sister, but really they just wanted the gossip or to be a man-in-the-middle social engineering agent to get inside information on the bad things I might be saying about the 3rd party.
I'm mostly a person who obsesses over their own internal compass. If I'm not already reaching out to you for advice or to vent at, then you're probably not someone I want that from or don't need that service.
Would I call that harassment? No. But definitely an eh, fuckoff.
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On the subject of creeps & creepiness:
In much the same way we often quickly close out our porn browser tabs once we're uh... done with them, what is or isn't sexy or welcome can vary wildly with one's mood or willingness to be exposed to it. So what one person may consider creepy behavior, someone else might find alluring in that moment even if they would probably agree it was creepy from the outside looking in.
There needs to be a line drawn between 'creepy in a "I'm just not interested" way' & 'creepy in a coercive/manipulative way' & we should definitely handle them differently. Context matters, and situational expectations matter.
Someone hitting on someone in a bar is expected behavior, and if they do it badly they might be creepy (IC) but that's not by itself indicative of OOC creepiness. Someone hitting on someone in a way that indicates there will be negative repercussions for the player if they choose not to engage, while IC, could certainly be a sign of some OOC creepiness that warrants further action.
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to the issue of creepiness, but shout-out to all the creeps out there doing it the fun and friendly way, I appreciate some good old-fashioned awkward.
