Dating in the 2020's
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@SinCerely - you are in the group now too. You are in charge of cooking, though we will all help since no one has hated that chore yet. I have a Food Network problem and a Sugar Rush problem, so I'll be recreating from those things.
Sex is going to be an interesting negotiation, but I'm sure we can all put on our robe and our wizard hats.
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@Sunny said in Dating in the 2020's:
@SinCerely said in Dating in the 2020's:
@Herja said in Dating in the 2020's:
@Darren Look, I can always get take-out for dinner. So.
I don't know how I feel about this given you salivate over everything I cook.
I imagine she just thought ‘I have @SinCerely so I don’t need to-‘ wasn’t appropriately helpful commentary, since she is being stingy and not cloning you so we can all have one.
I was going to argue with you about this but then realized... She has a lot of perks. Personal jeweler, decent cooker of things...
Dang you're right. Bitch is spoiled.
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My issue with cooking is that I need someone to meal plan.
If you go 'Ok Monday we're having this and here's the ingredients, Tuesday we're having this and here's the ingredients' I will cook every single day my fibro isn't flaring up. And I cook good. -
@Sunny This is it exactly. I don’t share well!
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Funny anecdote about dating apps from today!
I get a reply message out of the blue from a woman on OKCupid today. I don't recognize the woman. I read her reply and nothing is clicking. I read my original message and, while it sounds like something I would write, I don't remember writing it. After some thinking and looking over her profile, I realized that I sent the original message sometime around December 2017 to April 2018.
I'm not sure whether to even reply or not. I'm not first choice, second choice, or even third choice. I am waaaaaaaaay down the list.
Ceterum autem censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
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@Ominous said in Dating in the 2020's:
Funny anecdote about dating apps from today!
I get a reply message out of the blue from a woman on OKCupid today. I don't recognize the woman. I read her reply and nothing is clicking. I read my original message and, while it sounds like something I would write, I don't remember writing it. After some thinking and looking over her profile, I realized that I sent the original message sometime around December 2017 to April 2018.
I'm not sure whether to even reply or not. I'm not first choice, second choice, or even third choice. I am waaaaaaaaay down the list.
For what a woman's perspective on this is worth, I think you should reply.
I take regular breaks from online dating and if I care enough to reply to someone who sent a message ages ago, it's not necessarily because I put them on the backburner and am only just now circling back. If anything, it's a compliment that after all that time I still felt like they were worth reaching out to even at a slight disadvantage of knowing how bad it looks. It usually happens because after a couple weeks of having to slog through all the shit on these apps, I've lost my energy to reply to even the decent seeming people out there with how drained and jaded the experience makes me. By the time my tank's full again, I regret not having taken a chance on the more genuine people when they first expressed interest, but I just wasn't in a good place to. Shit gets tiring, but it's much easier after the initial (and significant) hurdle of moving things off the app.
Most recently I disabled my account because I received threatening messages from someone who was mad I hadn't replied in a timely enough fashion ... to literally two sentences' worth of conversation. I took a long breather, vented to a few friends, denounced online dating "for good" and then decided, fuck it, a few arseholes don't get to ruin my ability to enjoy all the good that humanity still has to offer.
Anyway! I have a date lined up!! I am pretty excited for it, the guy seems legit. We have exchanged 12515 words at this point (yeah I just put them through a counter). He sent me his first message at least 3 or 4 months before I sent my first reply. During this time I wasn't dating other people, I've just been focusing on me. He replied expressing some confusion as his first message was topical at the time and by then it wasn't, but then we moved onto new topics.
Context matters though, if her message was courteous and at least mildly apologetic for the delay or not, or at least acknowledging it. Any number of things could've happened, like maybe she met someone IRL, maybe her cat died, maybe she joined on a whim after ending a big relationship and then realised she needed more time than she'd initially assumed she would to recover. (All things that have personally caused me to duck out situations where the other person was genuinely not at fault.) Also I mean, it's just a message on a dating profile, it's not like you hooked up, confessed deep feelings and then she bailed on you, right? Investment isn't owed or established yet.
Worst case scenario after exchanging a couple messages you realise she really isn't that interested and all you wasted was the length of a single pose on a MUSH where you could've just as easily been hitting on some random Portman played-by.
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Or maybe she's derpy/ADHD as fuck and forgot she had signed up and then tried to join the site later and realized, "Hey, I already have an account.. oh yeah!" and then thought to herself "Fucking sweet, I already have messages!" and didn't bother to check the dates.
That'd be me.
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Not really. Most of her message was basically a reply pointing out she is currently seeing someone and is only interested in friends. That's fantastic! A reply that says 'Thanks but no thanks' is unheard of, so it is greatly appreciated!
The thing is she met this person after I messaged her. She says she has been seeing him for a year now. Yeah, you weren't interested only in friends when I sent the original message.
Ceterum autem censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
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Geez man. I forgot to reply, you didn't have to call me out on the forum about it. Sheesh.
Although, I do forget to message people in my RL, online, on game, in page, in all the things. I'm like oooo look shiny. Then come back and am like wow, I haven't heard from X for awhile. Then notice that it is MY turn to respond. Oh shitcrackers.
This happens a lot.
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@Ominous said in Dating in the 2020's:
Not really. Most of her message was basically a reply pointing out she is currently seeing someone and is only interested in friends. That's fantastic! A reply that says 'Thanks but no thanks' is unheard of, so it is greatly appreciated!
The thing is she met this person after I messaged her. She says she has been seeing him for a year now. Yeah, you weren't interested only in friends when I sent the original message.
OK yikes that was rubbish and she is rubbish and I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
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@Ominous said in Dating in the 2020's:
Not really. Most of her message was basically a reply pointing out she is currently seeing someone and is only interested in friends. That's fantastic! A reply that says 'Thanks but no thanks' is unheard of, so it is greatly appreciated!
The thing is she met this person after I messaged her. She says she has been seeing him for a year now. Yeah, you weren't interested only in friends when I sent the original message.
Oof. I was gonna say 'maybe she deleted OkCupid, opened it back up, and is going through old messages' (I did that this past summer briefly) buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuut if you're using it for the 'just friends' route mmmmmmmmmaybe don't touch the old messages from when you were still trying to date.
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I've had like 20 hits on Tinder in less than 2 weeks, and I'm convinced that Tinder hides people from you because I never found the blurred out girl clearly wearing a pickle suit.
Either way, I still don't want to pay for Tinder because I'm convinced that it's all a scam and they'll all turn out to be bots, so I'm cursed to be stuck in a limbo forever!
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@HelloProject said in Dating in the 2020's:
I'm convinced that Tinder hides people from you because I never found the blurred out girl clearly wearing a pickle suit.
Tinder only updates available matches periodically, examines them by distance, and then does a sort of random sort. You also have a limit to the number of people that it will show you in a single day. So it's not necessarily hiding people from you, it's that they are moving in and out of places that Tinder is looking for them, and it's only throwing a certain chunk of them in your direction at any one time. I'm sure there's a bit more backstage algorithm to it, but that's basically what you need to know about Tinder in a nutshell. You're getting a random sample of the total population of <people in whatever geographic area you have it set to look in> per <chunk of time>, which can vary wildly as people move around the city at certain times of day, or on weekends, travel through on major highways, etc.
Racism isn't Tinkerbell. It doesn't need you to believe in it for it to exist.
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@Derp Damn good point. I should increase my area.
