I want to start this off by saying I'm actually really sad about this. It's the kind of sad that you just sort of accept it, but you aren't happy about the outcome. I'm not sobbing, but my heart hurts for this.

I first found MSB because I had left MU life for years. I was there on WORA and all the things. I've done amazing things and horrible things in the many years I have invested in this hobby. I left the hobby when a toxic level crossed some of my RL boundaries and I thought it had become unhealthy. I had a bad experience with a bad person and it was just better to leave. However, I freaking adore writing and making small stories with people. I like throwing things out there and seeing the reactions. I appreciate all that have been in this hobby with me.

I don't remember who, but they pointed out MSB and I was like wuh-oh WORA (lol). However, I found it to be more a community. I'm not in any 'in crowds' and I don't think I'm avoided. Or maybe I'm not self-aware enough for that. This site helped me to answer my questions about Arx (which is the only game I play) and helped me when players were creepy to me.

I am a non-reporter. My stories are on here. It exists. However, my style is avoidant and it serves my RL trauma (and internet ones) how it needs to. I was encouraged to talk about my issues with people here. That was amazing. It helped me see I was not in the wrong even when being gaslit. I got on a board that talked about ADHD and realized that some of my 'issues' could link back to that. As someone who's very private about their RL, this was a stretch for me to put things out there. However, the community embraced it. They answered questions I was too nervous to ask. It led me to a RL diagnosis that has helped my life extremely. Those things might not have happened without this board in place.

Then the admin shift happened. The bannings happened. Other boards were created. Posts were made. Comments were made. We know, we've gone through it. I stayed on both boards because I do truly paint the world with rose-tinted optimism and think everyone deserves chances. I believe people are not the situation they are in, they are people. People evolve good and bad and that we just have to understand what they are going through. This is just my belief nothing more. I have checked up on people through here when times were rough. I have continued to watch and my activity has gone down on both boards.

It's because I'm saddened by the aftermath of all things that have transpired. Now, I'm not popular (and I'm okay with this mostly), so my comments aren't going to have an effect. I fully know that and I'm okay with it. My hope is maybe something said sparks something to cause one to be a little more self-aware of perception over intention.

I've watched the debates on this board. I've watched the comments. I've witnessed the upvotes, the 'tone' of the things stated, I've watched the reactions to everything. I've seen the trends. To be honest, I don't think EITHER of the boards or ANY of the people on them are truly malicious in their posts here. I believe they are speaking their versions of everything.

However

I am disheartened that admin here are showing a clear bias towards each other. That they are shutting down comments that are directed at them. That there are a few posters here that are savagely aggressive in their comments. That thoughts, feelings, statements are being brushed aside and painted with an overall us vs them mentality. I'm not going to name names or posters. If you are involved you know. That's good enough.

I am going to step back from this board. I am not deleting myself yet. I am not sure what decisions I'm going to make. I don't believe in making them in the heart of the moment. My absence is not going to be felt, but for me --- I felt a need to make the post stating I'll be stepping back and why.

I do, honestly, wish everyone that reads this the best. I do. However, I don't think anyone is seeing the toxic nature of the posts happening here by those that are staying too. I think they are reacting (which is their right) and not pausing enough to realize how they are being perceived. I fully admit and believe it is not what they intend, but how it is coming across in a text based medium.

Anyways - thank you to the board for the things I needed when I needed them most. I'll take some time to see how I feel, but I do truly and heartfully wish everyone the best. We have so many options in life and we should strive to take the option of kindness.

Thank you for the RP (I play Esme - love her or hate her - primarily). Thank you for the laughter. Thank you for sharing lives and stories and information.

In closing to my very long post --- Please be kind to one another and also, most importantly, to yourselves.

So.... yeah.

These last few weeks have been TRYING. I ended up in the ER for something that challenged my mobility. This was right about when I was planning to move out and get my feet back under me (hahaha pun). So I took a few days to feel sorry for myself.

Then I bought an adapter for my car to allow me to use hand controls instead of feet controls. This is odd, but hey, I'm back to driving. Today, I just moved the rest of my stuff in and my dog. So, after getting out of a rough situation, living with family for a few I am... back.. on.. my own..

All the praise hands and things. I just am beyond happy that I have this place and that we live in a world that things can adapt as one needs it.

When you are having silent anxiety (you think X person hates you/your RP/etc but don't say anything) and an OOC conversation starts on a different topic. Then it comes up there and you realize that's not the case just your anxiety but you talk it out.

And everyone is awesome OOC and good OOC and adult about it OOC.

It's a good day when things can resolve with no harsh feels, insults, etc and just good conversation.

@Macha
You pull out a piece of paper.
Write down the area of stats. Be honest about your dice pools.
Strength: 2 (1 if I see a person I can convince to lift for me)
Dexterity: 3 (I'm not in my 20s, but sometimes my body lets me pretend I am. More if tequila is involved)
Stamina: 3 (See the tequila problem, but late night RP sessions have taught me how to deal with pain and lack of sleep)
Charm: 2 (It's not charming in middle age as it was at like 10 years old, wtf?)
Command: 4 (Mom look on point)
Composure: 4 (No fucks to give - too tired drop stamina to 2)
Intellect: 4 2 (There's some blocks, I've wait. I take back the 4. I remember previous dating life. Corrected)
Perception: 2 (Glasses raise to a 3 - If one can find glasses)
Wits: 5 (I'm fucking awesome funny and sarcastic)

Okay. Now you can start to list your skills. From there you look for what skills and stats you are lacking. You can go to an online forum. I would not post looking for group unless you are into that. So adventurer sought with dynamic storyteller abilities. Must understand game mechanics. Must obey by custom game rules.

Also you can tell others that you are looking for a partner as well. Careful though. Some of these 'side quests' are just a time sink with no real treasure payout. Grinding for nothing is still nothing. Make the grind count.

Then you compare sheets (of paper or well literal sheets bow chicka). You decide that you can adventure together. You roll your dice at each choice and see if you get the natural 20 or the natural 1. Adventure on

If you end up with a dud, just put them on 'block' (aka ghosting) and move onto the next one.

Does this help? (I mean other than explaining why I'm single)

Weird MU Love.

When you are in a bad headspace because of life, so you aren't playing your uber happy char. When you login to check in on what you are missing. You get 'hey you were missed' pages without any guilt or without anyone trying to pull you to scenes. Just letting you know they are here to pick up when you come back.

My birthday was Monday. For this birthday I took a whole week off of work paid. This may be the best gift I've given myself.

I signed a lease on my apartment.. woohooo. This means that while spending so much money (so much). There is a light at the end of the tunnel to sorting my life back out in a healthy balance.

First, I agree with @Ganymede - don't tell someone how to parent their child. You have NO clue what is going on in their world, with their child, etc. Nor do you have a right to know.

Second, it is fucking TERRIFYING raising a child. You are always doing it wrong or not enough. You are too strict or not strict enough. You are surrounded with predators, etc. So as a parent, it is terrifying out there. Completely terrifying. Fight me on this.

Third, no one has to tell you the rules of their household. I'll be honest. Anything with a password, I have that password. If you are my child, I know how to access your shit. You know I will, but I will wait for a reason. Don't give me a reason by showing me that trust can't be given and we are good. I've never had to use a password, but I have them. You don't like that, that's fine. It's not YOUR job to protect my child; it's mine.

My goal as a parent is to have a child that is secure and has the least amount of trauma that I can prevent. I can't prevent it all. They have to make their own choices, but it's my job to guide them. I don't want them in jail and I don't .. let me say this again.. DO NOT want to identify them in a morgue.

So if she needs to protect her child however she feels is right, your job is to shut the fuck up. There isn't abuse. If there was, call a person. Have it checked out. I understand teenagers need space to explore who they are, but they are still very much children. They don't (sorry to any teenagers on here) understand some of the depravity that we do as adults. Honestly, I hope they don't learn about it in an intimate way. I hope they do get their childhood and thank god for people that will protect it.

So TL;DR -- back off of parents just trying to make it so they aren't identifying a body, filing a missing person's, or dealing with a child's trauma at someone else's hands.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts on the matter. I've voiced mine in other areas. I just wanted to touch on the Clique. Now I understand that a lot of times I rose-tint people and things. I also understand that filter goes on for my wrongdoings too. I have many. I am far from sainthood. Many.

However, in all the forums that I have been part of good, bad, ugly, beautiful, etc - they were there for various reasons. Some were to discuss fixes. Some were to vent frustrations. Some were to see if they were wrong in their thought processes. We have all 'dogpiled' at one point or another.

I can only speak from my perception of these things. I have been slut shamed, dogpiled, personally attacked on here and by people here -- but you know what? Also on here, I have been defended by strangers, been vindicated, been protected, been educated, and been told I was not insane by people too.

I don't think this perceived clique is truly there. They were banned before the Discord post went up that they could put their handle. They may be more than welcoming to people to join in - have you asked or are you just assuming you are not invited (you in general)? I'm sure that if I started to use Discord, I could join and I am not part of any cliques I am aware of.

Do I respect the opinions and thoughts and RP storytelling of some of the banned? Yep. Do I agree with all of them? Nope. Am I saddened by the way all of this has unfolded on various sides? Yep. Am I going to ask questions? Yep. I will try to do it respectfully.

My views (and this is my thoughts not the letter of the law) is that admin on games, in a job, in a community, on a BBS, in life, in virtual life, etc all have to be held at a higher standard than the 'masses' that they have authority over. Is that fair? Nope. However, I believe they are setting a standard. I do not believe any admin here is THE EVIL or bad. I believe they are human. Humans make errors. Humans aren't perfect. However, not all humans are the right choices for all things. That is what makes us awesome as people.

I, for one, am awesome if you need some over the top optimism in your life. I will cheerlead for you until I lose my breath. It doesn't make me good. It just makes me who I am. However, I am not the person to come to if you want to talk metrics and stats. I am not the one to come to if you want to find the right code to implement something. I am not the one to handle a coldly logical debate, because I'm not that person. I'm amazed by the people that are. I'm amazed at my coworkers in life that can look at data, blink once and give me the percentage of average to how feasible it is. I am in awe of people who understand the game dynamics of combat, of econ, and of all the moveable parts that are hard for me to understand.

I think there is a perception of cliques because those are the loudest voices. Or maybe I'm rose-tinted here too, but I'm okay with that. We are so quick to call it bullying when there are questions from multiple sources. We are so quick to call it a clique, but I don't think that's factual. I really don't think anyone is on their off time thinking how to make one person's life difficult on this site. I think they are just being human and responding to human feelings and thoughts.

Sorry to ramble.

Don't forget to be kind.

Hi!

I have played (do play?) characters that are 'good' and 'bad' depending on the view. I play characters that I don't mind losing for the story and sometimes the impact on my play. Also, I don't think I'm the protagonist. My 'good' char very clearly could be turned (or has been -insert evil laugh-) in the right situation and I'm totally open to it.

How I see 'IC failure'. It's not the failure, it's the reaction to the failure. If you fail at something you tried for, that does kind of suck. If everyone is cool with it, you get cool with it. Develop a story. Move forwards. HOWEVER - if you are told by the people around you how bad you suck IC all the time because you failed that thing. That's going to hit on an OOC level because the negativity is going to be constant.

Dice are fickle lovers. In WoD a high ranking garou should not lose to a cub. It wouldn't happen in most story telling, but it happens in a game because dice. Then that high ranking garou has some very awkward RP that is usually far from pleasant or loses rank for something that didn't make sense to happen and did not forward a story at all. Other than a cub gets to mouth off and say they beat an elder. Cool story brah. It's all it is for them, but for the other player/char it's a huge hit. I think storyteller's need to look at that weight as well.

Also, games are not static. If you are running a game (admin) you can alter rules/etc. There are four people bidding for Sheriff but there can only be one? Fine. Then make it a house rule that the Sheriff position will rotate every X amount of time unless run uncontested. It gives them time to plot and the other time to figure out how to keep it.

There are a million different story elements that can come good and bad from success or failure. The problem (in my opinion) is the reaction of the rest of the game to a person's loss.

Just my two cents.

I want to start this off by saying I'm actually really sad about this. It's the kind of sad that you just sort of accept it, but you aren't happy about the outcome. I'm not sobbing, but my heart hurts for this.

I first found MSB because I had left MU life for years. I was there on WORA and all the things. I've done amazing things and horrible things in the many years I have invested in this hobby. I left the hobby when a toxic level crossed some of my RL boundaries and I thought it had become unhealthy. I had a bad experience with a bad person and it was just better to leave. However, I freaking adore writing and making small stories with people. I like throwing things out there and seeing the reactions. I appreciate all that have been in this hobby with me.

I don't remember who, but they pointed out MSB and I was like wuh-oh WORA (lol). However, I found it to be more a community. I'm not in any 'in crowds' and I don't think I'm avoided. Or maybe I'm not self-aware enough for that. This site helped me to answer my questions about Arx (which is the only game I play) and helped me when players were creepy to me.

I am a non-reporter. My stories are on here. It exists. However, my style is avoidant and it serves my RL trauma (and internet ones) how it needs to. I was encouraged to talk about my issues with people here. That was amazing. It helped me see I was not in the wrong even when being gaslit. I got on a board that talked about ADHD and realized that some of my 'issues' could link back to that. As someone who's very private about their RL, this was a stretch for me to put things out there. However, the community embraced it. They answered questions I was too nervous to ask. It led me to a RL diagnosis that has helped my life extremely. Those things might not have happened without this board in place.

Then the admin shift happened. The bannings happened. Other boards were created. Posts were made. Comments were made. We know, we've gone through it. I stayed on both boards because I do truly paint the world with rose-tinted optimism and think everyone deserves chances. I believe people are not the situation they are in, they are people. People evolve good and bad and that we just have to understand what they are going through. This is just my belief nothing more. I have checked up on people through here when times were rough. I have continued to watch and my activity has gone down on both boards.

It's because I'm saddened by the aftermath of all things that have transpired. Now, I'm not popular (and I'm okay with this mostly), so my comments aren't going to have an effect. I fully know that and I'm okay with it. My hope is maybe something said sparks something to cause one to be a little more self-aware of perception over intention.

I've watched the debates on this board. I've watched the comments. I've witnessed the upvotes, the 'tone' of the things stated, I've watched the reactions to everything. I've seen the trends. To be honest, I don't think EITHER of the boards or ANY of the people on them are truly malicious in their posts here. I believe they are speaking their versions of everything.

However

I am disheartened that admin here are showing a clear bias towards each other. That they are shutting down comments that are directed at them. That there are a few posters here that are savagely aggressive in their comments. That thoughts, feelings, statements are being brushed aside and painted with an overall us vs them mentality. I'm not going to name names or posters. If you are involved you know. That's good enough.

I am going to step back from this board. I am not deleting myself yet. I am not sure what decisions I'm going to make. I don't believe in making them in the heart of the moment. My absence is not going to be felt, but for me --- I felt a need to make the post stating I'll be stepping back and why.

I do, honestly, wish everyone that reads this the best. I do. However, I don't think anyone is seeing the toxic nature of the posts happening here by those that are staying too. I think they are reacting (which is their right) and not pausing enough to realize how they are being perceived. I fully admit and believe it is not what they intend, but how it is coming across in a text based medium.

Anyways - thank you to the board for the things I needed when I needed them most. I'll take some time to see how I feel, but I do truly and heartfully wish everyone the best. We have so many options in life and we should strive to take the option of kindness.

Thank you for the RP (I play Esme - love her or hate her - primarily). Thank you for the laughter. Thank you for sharing lives and stories and information.

In closing to my very long post --- Please be kind to one another and also, most importantly, to yourselves.

@Derp

I could be wrong, but I think that @TNP meant you would not be banned if you just showed up to a game and acted kindly and decent. No one would be the wiser because everyone is a bit anonymous on the internet.

Those that it normally happens to is because they fail to do this. They show their calling cards.

(You in general sense)

Hi.

Once upon a time I got caught up with a person that was not nice. It's public records on this board. One of the current female characters he was involved with he pit against me. I was not aware of this. I was just confused by icy commentary.

That person made a comment here about how I was trolling for TS and a horrible person, etc. Which hey nothing wrong with TS. Because it was made in a PUBLIC place, other people were quick to jump to defense. One in particular stated they RPed with me on an alt they had that fit the definition and I never once did these things.

Also, it allowed communication between me and this other person. Where we compared notes and went yeah, nope okay they were lying. If this was not made public; this would not have resolved. I may have believed what I was being told about her. She would have continued to believe what she was being told about me.

I'm all about calling out the bad behaviors when it involves this sort of stuff. It also helps as someone who was on the receiving end to see I'm not insane. -- That's my only thought to share at the moment.

Thank you.

Remember to be kind.

@macha said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

@too-old-for-this My dad was also never home for YEARS after my mother passed (I was 4 when she passed), I honestly think if she'd lived, even just a handful more years, I would have been far better off, in so many ways.

But, as a female, they just wrote me off as lazy when I was a shining star in class, and never did the homework.

I seriously wonder if going back to college classes now on Adderall would be different.

ETA: Stupid spelling mistakes in the wee hours.

I'm late to this comment - sorry.
I was like a 2.5 gpa high school student. I never turned in my daily work because I'd forget. I tested off the charts. I was intelligent, I was just bored.

In college I found things I adored doing and other classes that I had to force focus, but I was a 4.0 college student. I have full faith if you want to go back, you'd be a rockstar at it. With the added help of medicine to help you think and concentrate better, even more. So good vibes to you if you are going back.

I feel this.

Once upon a time on a game far, far, away... I had a RPing partner on a MU*. They were giving off all the indications of something being off about their patterns. They were partying harder, they were depressed, they were angry, etc. We would touch on it. I wasn't sure what to do for the longest time for many of the reasons already listed here. Then I just one day went -- Hey, are you really okay? Seriously? -- Then I went through and talked about medication and how I don't view it as something that had to be hidden. I shared a bit of my own personal story and that person ended up seeking help.

Now, it is not your JOB to do this. Please understand that. Not everyone is the same. -- My thought on it (which is personal) is that if someone is put upon my heart, then I should reach out. I would rather lose a friend with a show of concern then stay silent. HOWEVER that is just my thoughts and your choices are valid how you end up handling it.

I'm sorry that you are in the situation though.

Hi!

I have played (do play?) characters that are 'good' and 'bad' depending on the view. I play characters that I don't mind losing for the story and sometimes the impact on my play. Also, I don't think I'm the protagonist. My 'good' char very clearly could be turned (or has been -insert evil laugh-) in the right situation and I'm totally open to it.

How I see 'IC failure'. It's not the failure, it's the reaction to the failure. If you fail at something you tried for, that does kind of suck. If everyone is cool with it, you get cool with it. Develop a story. Move forwards. HOWEVER - if you are told by the people around you how bad you suck IC all the time because you failed that thing. That's going to hit on an OOC level because the negativity is going to be constant.

Dice are fickle lovers. In WoD a high ranking garou should not lose to a cub. It wouldn't happen in most story telling, but it happens in a game because dice. Then that high ranking garou has some very awkward RP that is usually far from pleasant or loses rank for something that didn't make sense to happen and did not forward a story at all. Other than a cub gets to mouth off and say they beat an elder. Cool story brah. It's all it is for them, but for the other player/char it's a huge hit. I think storyteller's need to look at that weight as well.

Also, games are not static. If you are running a game (admin) you can alter rules/etc. There are four people bidding for Sheriff but there can only be one? Fine. Then make it a house rule that the Sheriff position will rotate every X amount of time unless run uncontested. It gives them time to plot and the other time to figure out how to keep it.

There are a million different story elements that can come good and bad from success or failure. The problem (in my opinion) is the reaction of the rest of the game to a person's loss.

Just my two cents.

@ganymede

I mean I'm still glad

Also - less political/etc.

Tamales. I am very thankful for tamales

I love that I put a rainbow in my hair and now people are secretly questioning my sexuality. Why do I love this? Because it's how it should be. They don't know. It's none of their business and look, they can't tell just by looking.

Also, I am a huge human rights person. Regardless of identity. I believe people should have rights. I love that the people in my circle that use to be on the fence are coming over to my way of thinking that labels don't matter. It might not be the world, but I adore that I'm at least having an effect (affect?) on those around me

Also to anyone out there reading this. I don't care who you are attracted to (as long as they are adults capable of giving consent) or what you are into. I don't care how you define yourself. I don't care your religion, your sexuality (or lack there of - that is valid too), your preferences, etc. I want each of you to know -- I adore each of you. I appreciate that you exist. I appreciate that you take space. I'm more than happy to share mine with you.

@macha

Call your doctor. That is what they are there for. If you don't tell them, it might get worse not better. I had to go through eight migraine medications until one finally took.

@Ribbon

Brain weasels? I over think/hyper focus when I think I've hurt someone. @Ganymede can attest as I know she's okay with RP with me and I still apologize if I think I'm being too wordy or if I make a joke and panic.