Posts made by RightMeow

I want to start this off by saying I'm actually really sad about this. It's the kind of sad that you just sort of accept it, but you aren't happy about the outcome. I'm not sobbing, but my heart hurts for this.

I first found MSB because I had left MU life for years. I was there on WORA and all the things. I've done amazing things and horrible things in the many years I have invested in this hobby. I left the hobby when a toxic level crossed some of my RL boundaries and I thought it had become unhealthy. I had a bad experience with a bad person and it was just better to leave. However, I freaking adore writing and making small stories with people. I like throwing things out there and seeing the reactions. I appreciate all that have been in this hobby with me.

I don't remember who, but they pointed out MSB and I was like wuh-oh WORA (lol). However, I found it to be more a community. I'm not in any 'in crowds' and I don't think I'm avoided. Or maybe I'm not self-aware enough for that. This site helped me to answer my questions about Arx (which is the only game I play) and helped me when players were creepy to me.

I am a non-reporter. My stories are on here. It exists. However, my style is avoidant and it serves my RL trauma (and internet ones) how it needs to. I was encouraged to talk about my issues with people here. That was amazing. It helped me see I was not in the wrong even when being gaslit. I got on a board that talked about ADHD and realized that some of my 'issues' could link back to that. As someone who's very private about their RL, this was a stretch for me to put things out there. However, the community embraced it. They answered questions I was too nervous to ask. It led me to a RL diagnosis that has helped my life extremely. Those things might not have happened without this board in place.

Then the admin shift happened. The bannings happened. Other boards were created. Posts were made. Comments were made. We know, we've gone through it. I stayed on both boards because I do truly paint the world with rose-tinted optimism and think everyone deserves chances. I believe people are not the situation they are in, they are people. People evolve good and bad and that we just have to understand what they are going through. This is just my belief nothing more. I have checked up on people through here when times were rough. I have continued to watch and my activity has gone down on both boards.

It's because I'm saddened by the aftermath of all things that have transpired. Now, I'm not popular (and I'm okay with this mostly), so my comments aren't going to have an effect. I fully know that and I'm okay with it. My hope is maybe something said sparks something to cause one to be a little more self-aware of perception over intention.

I've watched the debates on this board. I've watched the comments. I've witnessed the upvotes, the 'tone' of the things stated, I've watched the reactions to everything. I've seen the trends. To be honest, I don't think EITHER of the boards or ANY of the people on them are truly malicious in their posts here. I believe they are speaking their versions of everything.

However

I am disheartened that admin here are showing a clear bias towards each other. That they are shutting down comments that are directed at them. That there are a few posters here that are savagely aggressive in their comments. That thoughts, feelings, statements are being brushed aside and painted with an overall us vs them mentality. I'm not going to name names or posters. If you are involved you know. That's good enough.

I am going to step back from this board. I am not deleting myself yet. I am not sure what decisions I'm going to make. I don't believe in making them in the heart of the moment. My absence is not going to be felt, but for me --- I felt a need to make the post stating I'll be stepping back and why.

I do, honestly, wish everyone that reads this the best. I do. However, I don't think anyone is seeing the toxic nature of the posts happening here by those that are staying too. I think they are reacting (which is their right) and not pausing enough to realize how they are being perceived. I fully admit and believe it is not what they intend, but how it is coming across in a text based medium.

Anyways - thank you to the board for the things I needed when I needed them most. I'll take some time to see how I feel, but I do truly and heartfully wish everyone the best. We have so many options in life and we should strive to take the option of kindness.

Thank you for the RP (I play Esme - love her or hate her - primarily). Thank you for the laughter. Thank you for sharing lives and stories and information.

In closing to my very long post --- Please be kind to one another and also, most importantly, to yourselves.

@Derp

I could be wrong, but I think that @TNP meant you would not be banned if you just showed up to a game and acted kindly and decent. No one would be the wiser because everyone is a bit anonymous on the internet.

Those that it normally happens to is because they fail to do this. They show their calling cards.

(You in general sense)

Hi.

Once upon a time I got caught up with a person that was not nice. It's public records on this board. One of the current female characters he was involved with he pit against me. I was not aware of this. I was just confused by icy commentary.

That person made a comment here about how I was trolling for TS and a horrible person, etc. Which hey nothing wrong with TS. Because it was made in a PUBLIC place, other people were quick to jump to defense. One in particular stated they RPed with me on an alt they had that fit the definition and I never once did these things.

Also, it allowed communication between me and this other person. Where we compared notes and went yeah, nope okay they were lying. If this was not made public; this would not have resolved. I may have believed what I was being told about her. She would have continued to believe what she was being told about me.

I'm all about calling out the bad behaviors when it involves this sort of stuff. It also helps as someone who was on the receiving end to see I'm not insane. -- That's my only thought to share at the moment.

Thank you.

Remember to be kind.

@macha said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

@too-old-for-this My dad was also never home for YEARS after my mother passed (I was 4 when she passed), I honestly think if she'd lived, even just a handful more years, I would have been far better off, in so many ways.

But, as a female, they just wrote me off as lazy when I was a shining star in class, and never did the homework.

I seriously wonder if going back to college classes now on Adderall would be different.

ETA: Stupid spelling mistakes in the wee hours.

I'm late to this comment - sorry.
I was like a 2.5 gpa high school student. I never turned in my daily work because I'd forget. I tested off the charts. I was intelligent, I was just bored.

In college I found things I adored doing and other classes that I had to force focus, but I was a 4.0 college student. I have full faith if you want to go back, you'd be a rockstar at it. With the added help of medicine to help you think and concentrate better, even more. So good vibes to you if you are going back.

I feel this.

Once upon a time on a game far, far, away... I had a RPing partner on a MU*. They were giving off all the indications of something being off about their patterns. They were partying harder, they were depressed, they were angry, etc. We would touch on it. I wasn't sure what to do for the longest time for many of the reasons already listed here. Then I just one day went -- Hey, are you really okay? Seriously? -- Then I went through and talked about medication and how I don't view it as something that had to be hidden. I shared a bit of my own personal story and that person ended up seeking help.

Now, it is not your JOB to do this. Please understand that. Not everyone is the same. -- My thought on it (which is personal) is that if someone is put upon my heart, then I should reach out. I would rather lose a friend with a show of concern then stay silent. HOWEVER that is just my thoughts and your choices are valid how you end up handling it.

I'm sorry that you are in the situation though.

Hi!

I have played (do play?) characters that are 'good' and 'bad' depending on the view. I play characters that I don't mind losing for the story and sometimes the impact on my play. Also, I don't think I'm the protagonist. My 'good' char very clearly could be turned (or has been -insert evil laugh-) in the right situation and I'm totally open to it.

How I see 'IC failure'. It's not the failure, it's the reaction to the failure. If you fail at something you tried for, that does kind of suck. If everyone is cool with it, you get cool with it. Develop a story. Move forwards. HOWEVER - if you are told by the people around you how bad you suck IC all the time because you failed that thing. That's going to hit on an OOC level because the negativity is going to be constant.

Dice are fickle lovers. In WoD a high ranking garou should not lose to a cub. It wouldn't happen in most story telling, but it happens in a game because dice. Then that high ranking garou has some very awkward RP that is usually far from pleasant or loses rank for something that didn't make sense to happen and did not forward a story at all. Other than a cub gets to mouth off and say they beat an elder. Cool story brah. It's all it is for them, but for the other player/char it's a huge hit. I think storyteller's need to look at that weight as well.

Also, games are not static. If you are running a game (admin) you can alter rules/etc. There are four people bidding for Sheriff but there can only be one? Fine. Then make it a house rule that the Sheriff position will rotate every X amount of time unless run uncontested. It gives them time to plot and the other time to figure out how to keep it.

There are a million different story elements that can come good and bad from success or failure. The problem (in my opinion) is the reaction of the rest of the game to a person's loss.

Just my two cents.

@ganymede

I mean I'm still glad

Also - less political/etc.

Tamales. I am very thankful for tamales

I love that I put a rainbow in my hair and now people are secretly questioning my sexuality. Why do I love this? Because it's how it should be. They don't know. It's none of their business and look, they can't tell just by looking.

Also, I am a huge human rights person. Regardless of identity. I believe people should have rights. I love that the people in my circle that use to be on the fence are coming over to my way of thinking that labels don't matter. It might not be the world, but I adore that I'm at least having an effect (affect?) on those around me

Also to anyone out there reading this. I don't care who you are attracted to (as long as they are adults capable of giving consent) or what you are into. I don't care how you define yourself. I don't care your religion, your sexuality (or lack there of - that is valid too), your preferences, etc. I want each of you to know -- I adore each of you. I appreciate that you exist. I appreciate that you take space. I'm more than happy to share mine with you.

@macha

Call your doctor. That is what they are there for. If you don't tell them, it might get worse not better. I had to go through eight migraine medications until one finally took.

@Ribbon

Brain weasels? I over think/hyper focus when I think I've hurt someone. @Ganymede can attest as I know she's okay with RP with me and I still apologize if I think I'm being too wordy or if I make a joke and panic.

I posted something similar on the other board (BMD?) and thought I'd put a version here. Not all of you are over there and I want to put it out to the community.

I've been upfront with my ADHD diagnosis, but as my meds are regulating I didn't realize I was de-regulated. So, in the past if I have said some inappropriate joke, did something, spun up and off the handle, etc. I'm sorry. I legit did not know how much my ADHD tied into the other things in my body.

That's it. Just I'm sorry. Thanks!

The number in a scene that overwhelms me is conditional. If I'm work stressed, I can't do large scenes. if I'm having a focus issue RL - can't do it.

I also tend to have a very energetic character and that expends a lot of OOC energy to play. Also, I get super self-conscious that I'm boring people, or I worry about my posing style, or my pose size. That's not a please give me compliments, it's a I probably have social anxiety/imposter syndrome.

I think a good scene is 3-4, although for deep char development I find 2 is good. You can really focus on the other person and in turn be focused on.

I'm not going to lie (I rarely do too ADHD to keep up with fake bs), I didn't want to read the comments here after my post. It was fine though.

It is not my 'friendships' on either side that cause my view. My view is on my perspective that I see and my reality as I define it. I agree a lot with the gray areas that faraday is talking about and the areas of grace she mentioned.

I'm sad because it could have gone down so differently on all sides. I'm sad because I'm reading on these boards that banned people are still being bashed and 'the other board' being put down. Then in the same breath saying they would never do something like that 'unlike them'. It makes me sad.

I'm disappointed by how things went down. Not on one side over the other. Just in general disappointment. I can only speak to my actions, but I feel I've been respectful and listened. Maybe not though. As humans we intend one thing and it can be perceived the other.

As it stands, decisions have been made. It is what it is. It will be what it will be. I'm still allowed to feel sad that it seems the community has been ripped apart.

Also, I don't think (I could be wrong) that anyone called for Gany to be removed but Gany. As Derp goes. I don't really have too much a personal feeling other than I think his posts could go with more empathy, but that's my opinion.

I also stay out of politics boards because they tend to make me blah, so I'm not fully invested in the OMG EVIL that came from it.

It is what it is. We can't move backwards or we'd live life in reverse. We only strive forwards. I guess I'm just saying, no matter who said what; remember they are still people. They still have feelings even if they aren't showing it. People can be total tools online while they are crying offline. I try (and I'm probably unsuccessful at it) to ask if something is going to be empowering or demoralizing when I say it or type it. If it's going to be demoralizing or can be seen that way - I ask myself why I'm saying it?

I don't know. I don't have a dog in this fight or that fight or most fights. I'm just a person who posts from time to time, I don't have impact, influence or such. I'm also okay with this. I'm just really to the sad sort of shrug area of my life now in regards to all of this.

Anyways, I said my piece - thanks for reading.

@derp

1. I think your post is bait as you are very very very personally involved in all of this - however - I will take it.

2. I don't really agree with all the people that were banned. The same as I don't agree with all the ones that were never banned. None of you (or them) are in my RL - so I'm not going to say I like or dislike anyone. I don't think I have deep personal connections to anyone, mainly as I'm pretty private about those things as well. So even stating that my reasoning would be because 'I like them' is rather without any form of understanding. I do not believe (I could be wrong) that I have ever jumped on someone or just stuck up for someone 'just because' that was not needed.

3. The reasons that I think they shouldn't have been banned, and remember you asked, is because I think it makes those in the deciding force look like hypocrites. I'll expand -- first I'm not insulting you personally as I don't know you personally -- however, I have been in this community for years. I know that moderators here have made decisions/comments in the heat of the moment that did not go over well. They have been forgiven and sometimes embraced by that - but are unwilling to do the same? It's not a good look. I expected better, but that was my expectation, not an agreed upon thing.

4. Why should they be unbanned? Because they were reacting in the heat of the moment that happened over multiple days. They were reacting to something that they felt passionate about. Not everyone is clear thinking in those moments especially when they are being told to shut up and sit down when they are very impassioned about it. I'm not going to say they were right or wrong, but the actions taken to ban them were not the correct move. It could have gone down so much differently. We have admin on this board saying it was their fault and apologizing (not that I'm saying it was) but then that means they see there are two sides to this. I think both sides should be given the white flag in this to both come out of this with clearer heads and then see what happens moving forwards. If they choose to move in a horrible way after the bans are lifted --- well then that speaks on them NOT in a rather intense moment. It will speak to the community at that point too. I think they deserve a reset when you are asking for one. It's only fair. And I know life isn't fair, but when you are in a position to make it fair -- you try to make it fair.

5. This isn't peace. I know that I feel I am UNABLE to talk because you, Derp, will jump on me. Or Gany will decide to ban me. Or countless other reasons. You are not seeing peace, you are seeing fear. Which is perhaps what you wanted. I speak for myself, even if I've spoken to others, because my voice is the only one I can speak to. This peace you think you have is a community dying. I'm sad by this. I'm sad that you can't see through your objective to see it objectively. Seriously, I'm not angry. I'm sad. There have been people here that I've shared life things with, RP things with, and just shared. The silence is not peace. Look at who you have posting. You now have the minority and you don't see this and worse, you don't see the problem with it; you see it as a win. This isn't supposed to be Derp/Gany board - it is supposed to be the community board and you've effectively silence the community and don't see it.

6. Your statement on kindness? It shows your lack of empathy for it. You shouldn't be kind because in the heat of the moment they were not kind to you? Do you think that makes you a good admin? You are taking an example of one thing not an example of years of things, it's a very microscopic view and that hurts my heart in a different way. Kindness is not about holding a tally board of wrong doings and showing who hurt you more or who hurt you in general. Over the years? Most of these that have been banned have been overly supportive to those in the admin role. Did they react when they were already angry and told to stop? Yep. Same way as if I'm in a RL argument with you and you tell me I need to calm down, I'm probably not going to calm down. Was it kind to decide for the entire community who stays and goes between TWO people who were personally involved? I didn't see a poll go up. I was part of the community and not on either side, I wasn't asked. So what happened was that people said mean things to you and Gany in one moment on a topic that was a trashfire of a topic and then you decided who hurt your feelings the least could come back. That's not kind and that's not responsible admin.

7. I think both sides were wrong. I think how the entire topic and situation went down was wrong on both sides. Completely. I say this as one really trying to remain neutral to it. I shut up when I was told to shut up. I questioned meekly and respectfully. I waited for answers. They came and now I have opinions. This is one of mine. Are you going to ban those in this thread that have recently personally attacked people that were banned? That's against the rules right? Is that fair? Is that right? I think everyone should have stepped away. Which happened. We would leave games if the admin just started banning people for disagreeing. The game would die afterwards. We've all seen it happen. Maybe in this moment, they needed a ban to take a breath. Maybe. I don't think that was the right action, but the action was taken. Great. Now it's been a moment. They might not want to come back, but the fact that you can't show the empathy to them, that's not really right.

8. Also, I would like to point out that I'm a reader in this situation that is not involved. That I'm not engaged in that activity and I haven't engaged in that activity and you know, I'm okay with all the bans being lifted. Admin should not have made the decision without a third party that was unbiased to it. A million years ago when i was admin on a game - if it involved me - I did not make the decision. That's how this should have rolled out.

9. Of course, you are going to say you see it as good and warranted. You made the decision. You are bias to it. You are quick to say how the friends of the ban and their little party is, but I've been on this board for years. I've been pretty neutral for the most part, even when people were screaming at me or about me. Right now, it is coming off as the people that always come to your defense (not saying they shouldn't) are the same posting and upvoting. That's sort of a 'grouping' of it's own. It's now just that one on this forum. -- Now, that is my perception. That doesn't mean it's the God's honest truth, but you asked me for my opinion and why, so that's what I'm giving.

10. Constructive? I think (again my thoughts) it would be the fair thing to lift all the bans. Also, as a member of the community, I want to see the reasoning. I do not.. DO NOT.. like the cloak and dagger decisions that are going on. Even on games there is a level of transparency given to decisions. The reasoning of XYZ. That way the community can see and understand. That is not happening here and frankly that is a little concerning as well. Things should not be put in DM's. Decisions should not just be made by the two people that felt attacked in it. It is a bad perception. Again. Perception is not intention. If people are going to be banned, I want all their behaviors looked at and explained as this is why it was happening; not just one situation that got out of hand. I don't think it exists for most of them if you really honestly look at it -- or why were they not banned before that in the many, many years that some of them have been in the community?

In closing, I think this just needs to be done better. It doesn't make me right because I have a thought, but as a member of this community - I have a right to my opinion. I have a right to speak up when I've tried very hard to see all the sides for years. It doesn't mean it matters to you, or that you will change your mind and reflect on it. Frankly, I don't think you will. I think you will post another saying how my opinion is not a valid opinion. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I just know that I'm very very sad about how this has gone down in a community I cared about and with people I enjoy interacting with (Banned and Unbanned). I don't know if I know the solution and even if I did if it's one admin want to take.

Just life is hard - try to be kind.

I know my opinions hold no weight. I had a lot to say on this and really, I'm disappointed in the mods of this board.

I'm completely disappointed in the words posted here, in the decisions made, and the way it is coming down. I've respected everyone in this and I don't respect this. It is wrong.

It is not good.
It is NOT kind
It is not warranted.

Be better

Decisions have been made. I'm reading this as it's okay to talk about this again.

What was decided with everyone being banned from farfella to whomever the last one was?

Thank you.

I'm not involved in this, but I am. I'm not involved because I don't read the politics board. I just mark it read and move on. I didn't post on either side. I think for the most part, I have tried to be mid-ground on most things. I can see both sides of this, in truth.

As people go, I like them on the banned side, on the admin side, and on the unbanned/unadmin side. I tend to just like people as people for the most part. I am old. I get that we react out of haste. I get we say things out of haste.

My issues (not that anyone cares) are three main ones.

1. All the bans. Not just one, but all of them. I log in one day to a list of people not just a few, but a list of them that are now banned because they would not listen. --- This should not have gone down this way. I'm not saying I agree with what they were saying or I disagree. What I am saying is it should not have come down this way. Here is why I think that --- Most of us have a MU* history of games that had admins that should not have been admins. A LOT in this hobby have been hurt by this -- It read as a we are admin and what we say must at all times be obeyed or we will silence you. --- If there was a game and the admin did this exact thing and just banned everyone who didn't listen, we'd have a topic dedicated to them. It was handled incorrectly. It's done. No one can go back, but it is done and we just move forwards to what happens.

2. Concerns may only be addressed in PM. Nope. I cannot in clear conscience think this was a good tactic when admin integrity was the issue being debated. Now, I UNDERSTAND the reason. The reason was to my assumption, funnel it in one area and to try to regain control of a forest fire by offering a controlled burn of some sort. I get that. I understand that one wants it directed to them not to everyone. The perception was that it became cloak and dagger. Part of the reason the forum is here is to do away with that in the community. We are good and bad supposed to be able to air it all out. We should use the right boards in the right places, but that's part of the community. When it starts saying that 'receipts' should not be posted and comments need to be through only these private means - it comes across as it's going to be media'ed -- which by that I mean censored and offered up in justification of the 'winning' party.

3. The name calling of the banned or the what they did wrong continuation saga. We have opinions and they are ours to have. I don't actually appreciate it being pointed out that they could read it if they wanted, but couldn't respond. In truth, that seems worse. However, this is just my opinion, it doesn't make it right. The ones that are banned for whatever reason are now being talked about here and their intentions talked about when what we are really talking about is our perceptions of what they did. Which got them banned, but it's okay because we are still here?

Anyways, this isn't my leaving post. This isn't my staying post. This is just my opinion post. I think a lot of damage has been done on all sides to this board. It will repair. It will move on no matter what happens. Just don't forget there are people involved. They have feelings on the other side of these screens. Some are in the community here still and watching to see what happens. Some are banned and coming back to read because they are also invested at some level. We have all fucked up. It's just what we do when it happens. Hard decisions have been made and will continue to be made. We can just try to do best as we can for all and to show empathy where it allows.

@reimesu I'm not stating it was you in a specific sense, that's why I generalized.

@jomomomo

Be kind. That was not kind or needed.

Okay...

Can I point out the irony here, or am I the only one that sees it as irony?

Of the banned, You are saying a lot about their behaviors on a forum they are banned from. So in effect, you (general you) are talking behind their backs too. You are just doing it here instead of Discord.

Can we move on from what people did that can't defend themselves? Isn't that a dogpile as well?

I'm not involved in the whole debate that started. I did state my opinion. I did ask questions. That's all I can be responsible for is myself. I'm just sort of waiting and watching at present. I don't hold any in ill will on either side of this discussion.

Edit: I cannot spell a word correctly to save my life right now. So to the edit button.