People around me: "So how do you explain then why the kids are able to do the things they like to do but don't have the discipline to do the things that are hard/distasteful for them."
ADHD. Brain chemistry.
It's like asking why a kid with dyslexia is having trouble reading. Grr.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
@ganymede Sure, but this is literally a thing we deal with/dealt with our whole lives. Especially in regards to schoolwork/chores. Doing X when your brain wants to literally anything else turns simple tasks into an endless lists of miniscule agonizingly tedious tasks. Meanwhile when it's something that gives us that dopeamine, its like fucking super powers mang. Even fun things get that way when they lose their 'flavor'. Or relationships. It's almost impossible to explain to people who don't live it. Like pressing the gas pedal when yer transmission something analogy I want to stop typing now.
@ganymede said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
That's not even necessarily brain chemistry.
Kids can be dicks.
That kind of comment is exactly what I deal with on a daily basis by people who judge behavior without understanding the very real underlying neurological challenges often behind that behavior.
I am not saying it cannot be brain chemistry. I'm saying that children can be truculent for no other reason than to be truculent.
If your position is that every child who refuses to do things that are hard or distasteful must suffer from ADD or ADHD, then, yes, citations needed.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
@ganymede Yeah that's really not what I said.
If your kid is struggling with a serious neurological challenge and freaking everyone's immediate response is "well maybe they're just being a jerk" or "maybe they just need more discipline"...
That's harmful.
I totally agree with you.
One of my kids has a serious neurological challenge. We have strategies for dealing with it. Those strategies have been fairly effective.
But I also know when and how she's being a jerk.
And the percentage of people with ODD who have ADHD, is...significantly higher than those who don't have ADHD.
Which I find fascinating.
Thing is, I'm not even talking about oppositional/jerk-ish behavior. This is a kid who is literally in tears over math homework because there's an insurmountable wall of awful in front of them that's keeping them from reaching their goals. Or one who gets so easily overwhelmed by Big Feelings (anxiety, anger, disappointment) that they have constant meltdowns where the rational, thinking part of their brain just goes on walkabout for a little while.
Society - even family - rushes to judgment, because failures of executive functioning and emotional regulation are seen as failures of character and/or parenting. And it drives me nuts.
In other news: https://www.additudemag.com/social-media-makes-me-feel-bad-adhd-hypersensitivity
@faraday So like, you've somehow spied on my childhood through adulthood have you?
@faraday said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
This is a kid who is literally in tears over math homework because there's an insurmountable wall of awful in front of them that's keeping them from reaching their goals.
When I was a kid, my third grade teacher made us do word searches for spelling problems and I hated it. I thought it was pointless and stupid and awful, and complaining to my mother only resulted in her telling me, "Word searches are fun!"
Homework is awful as a child. It's just awful. And while I understand practicing things like speed math and handwriting, for the most part, it's unnecessary.
One of my big coping strategies for dealing with tasks I didn't like was to work with a group. This works better in college, where study groups are more of a thing. If other people are working with purpose, it helps keep me on task. Even if they're not, just having someone there to be a minor distraction helps.
Anecdotal example: When I taught university, I found grading exams to be utterly excruciating. I loathed it. If I had time to do oral one-on-ones for 250 people 4 times a semester, I sure as fuck would have. But no, so it was paper exams. So after every exam, I'd take my friend Jen out to lunch somewhere that would tolerate us taking up a table for 3 hours. And she'd sit and chat and read while I graded, and the work would get done.
Another anecdotal example: One of my students had ADD, and she had an official testing accommodation that said she needed her exams printed on yellow paper. Why? Because she'd basically formed a coping strategy that allowed her to focus on yellow paper as priority. She took her notes on yellow paper. I once left her exam, printed on its yellow paper, on my office printer, and I was so crestfallen when I realized where it was that she just smiled in delight at me for understanding how important it was and told me she'd just take it on white. Because I had, of course, offered to leave a room of 90 other students taking exams to run fetch it.
I have a playlist: http://musoapbox.net/topic/91/tributary-s-playlist
@tributary Yeah, A lot of time just having someone there helps tremendously. I think it's called 'body doubling' or summink.
My boss has me sit with her on Zoom sometimes just to be a person there while she's working, says it makes things eleventy billion times easier for her.
@sunny It does. Back when i staffed and did +jobs on MU's, I was most productive on a skype call with the team just flowing. I try alone and people end up waiting 3 weeks because my brain is shit.
This is so me it hurts.
@wretched I feel this a little too much.
@wretched My therapist handed me a pen and made me write in a blank notebook during a session once.
@ganymede said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
That's not even necessarily brain chemistry.
Kids can be dicks.
That kind of comment is exactly what I deal with on a daily basis by people who judge behavior without understanding the very real underlying neurological challenges often behind that behavior.
