@SG Oh crap. OK. Is this on digitalocean? Because their latest install does this. And it is a pain in the ass.
What you are going to need to do:
ssh into your account and edit your local settings file (LocalSettings.php)
You are going to want to do something that you never want to ever, ever, EVER do under any other circumstances.
Add this line:
$wgGroupPermissions['user']['userrights'] = true;
Save your work to LocalSettings.php and go back to your wiki immediately. You will now be able to change your account to the proper administrator/bureaucrat options.
THE MOMENT YOU DO SO, GO BACK TO LOCALSETTINGS.PHP ON YOUR SERVER AND DELETE THAT LINE OF CODE YOU ADDED ABOVE.
Save LocalSettings.php again (without that line in it), and you should be fixed.
Is this a crappy workaround? Ayep. Still have had to do it twice now. Which is a giant pain in the arse, but it works.
I don't know kitty, either, to give you the specifics you need for the editing, but you'd do those edits however you've been editing your LocalSettings.php file any other time.