Retail "Horror" Stories

Thenomain · Jun 9, 2016, 2:03 AM

Regarding #3, be bold enough to smile and wave back and get back to work, or wave them to you, or look at them as if they are crazy and call out without moving, "Can I help you?" Take your time getting to them. Assert your humanity. Passive resistance works wonders and gives you time to calm yourself down before the next inevitable words come out of your mouth.

Taika · Jun 9, 2016, 2:44 AM

Since there are no objections:

Yes, lets use our foot to push a skid with several hundreds pounds on it. Then be surprised when a second skid comes down and shatters your leg from the knee down. And nevermind the special pallet pushing tool that much money was spent on developing.
3 heart attacks and a dead body in 3 weeks. One of the heart attacks was a 100% blockage that second shift kept from trying to go home. He was airlifted out Friday 30 mins after EMS took him and walked in Monday to shake hands.
A casual wind storm that knocked over an empty 53' trailer and damaged another.
2 tons of soy powder mixed with water makes instant cement that took a crew 8 hours to clean with pickaxes and high pressure hoses.
The Phantom Phapper. Guy routinely goes into the men's room, neatly folds a paper towel into a square and jerks off on it. Then leaves this biohazardous mess for the female day shift cleaners to find atop the tp dispenser.
Suicidal Shithead. Another guy. He wrote 'Kill Me' on the wall of the bathroom in his own feces. Well. We hope it was his own.

There's more, but those are the interesting ones.

Bonus Round: Since I had to typo fix, here's this...

I work in a facility that routinely houses $250,000,000 in finished product at any given time.

Cobalt · Jun 9, 2016, 2:59 AM

For the love of god, empty out your hand basket onto the conveyor belt! Especially when its so full its overflowing! You wouldn't expect me to unload your cart, why do you expect me to do it with your handbasket?!

Miss Demeanor · Jun 9, 2016, 3:08 AM

And stop using 800 handwipes on ONE cart handle! They're soaked in disinfectant, you only need one, dammit! Tired of having someone pull me aside every five goddamn minutes to bitch about the sanitizing wipes being empty.

silentsophia · Jun 9, 2016, 3:43 AM

Also, the fork lift machine WILL tip over on a zip tie on the floor.

And one of our high school aged workers made a metal tub do a 180 flip due to odd loading.

Tinuviel · Jun 9, 2016, 5:31 AM

No, madame, the fact that I am still at the school office three hours after school hours does not mean that you can just assume I'm looking after your child if you fail to pick them up after school.

Also, your child is seventeen. You know perfectly well that they won't stick around after school to hang out with me, so don't pretend your child coming home high is my fault.

Cobalt · Jun 9, 2016, 6:09 AM

@Tinuviel I'll never go back to a school office again. Ever.

Well. I'd have to be in very dire straits to do it. I HATE working in offices, but there's something about working in a school office that is just the worst. Oh god. I hate being an administrative assistant.

Tinuviel · Jun 9, 2016, 6:17 AM

@Cobaltasaurus I'm lucky to generally avoid office-related BS at school, But I happened to be there, doing some paperwork, and thus I'm apparently at fault. Bleh.

Ganymede · Jun 9, 2016, 2:01 PM

@Cobaltasaurus said in Retail "Horror" Stories:

I hate being an administrative assistant.

You can be mine, if you want. I'm thinking of getting a replacement.

All I ask is that you be there during business hours, and tell me when I need to take the fall for you.

Cobalt · Jun 9, 2016, 5:24 PM

@Ganymede said in Retail "Horror" Stories:

@Cobaltasaurus said in Retail "Horror" Stories:

I hate being an administrative assistant.

You can be mine, if you want. I'm thinking of getting a replacement.

All I ask is that you be there during business hours, and tell me when I need to take the fall for you.

unless i can telecommute everyday thats ano go.

Cobalt · Jun 20, 2016, 12:02 AM

I'm beginning to miss being an administrative assistant. Jesus, I never thought anything could be worse. 8-hours of cashiering is worse.

Also, if you want me to put something on the bottom of the bag MAKE SURE IT ISN'T THE LAST FUCKING ITEM. What the fuck.

Also apparently I need to be faster but bag things the way they want, perfectly. And be friendlier but not talk to people. I'm not even upset anymore, just fucking confused. Do these people know the meaning of the word 'friendly'? I don't think so.

tce · Jun 20, 2016, 2:11 AM

@Cobaltasaurus Heh, when I was a kid my dad would always obsess over putting the items on the belt in the order he wanted them in the bags. I still do it today, I can't not.

Ganymede · Jun 20, 2016, 2:11 AM

@tce said in Retail "Horror" Stories:

Heh, when I was a kid my dad would always obsess over putting the items on the belt in the order he wanted them in the bags. I still do it today, I can't not.

I like to control this too, so I go to the self-checkout area.

I fucking hate people that do the same to a cashier or bag boy. Fuck you.

silentsophia · Jun 20, 2016, 3:28 AM

Please do not snap your fingers, whistle and point in front of you like I am a dog. Thank you.
Please do not let your child chew on the nozzle of a can of pesticide. Thank you.
I realize it's fun to have pizza, Starbucks, etc. at our store, but I swear to god 2/3rds of people ignore the trash cans every 3 aisles in favor of stuffing trash somewhere.
Fuck you, people who leave ice cream hidden in non-freezer shelves. We have to throw it and the stuff that ice cream melted all over away. So damn wasteful!
Stop opening things outside of Guest Service. We often have to defect it out if we can't repackage and sell. So, so wasteful.
Groups of teenagers are the worst.

Miss Demeanor · Jun 20, 2016, 3:46 AM

Do not fish receipts from the trash cans and try to use them to 'bring things back for return'. WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. Stop it.
If I tell you store policy prevents me from using your friend/girlfriend/wife's ID because you 'left yours at home'? My manager will tell you the same goddamn thing. Knock it off, you aren't special and we aren't risking our jobs for your laziness!
If I tell you that you cannot return an item WITHOUT RECEIPT because it does not show up in our system? My manager cannot magically make it appear there! Idiots.
IF YOUR PAPERWORK CLEARLY TELLS YOU TO NOT BRING THE ITEM TO A STORE FOR RETURN, DO NOT BRING THE ITEM TO THE STORE FOR RETURN. WE CANNOT HELP YOU.

Auspice · Jun 20, 2016, 5:37 AM

It's not retail, but it is customer support:

If I tell you your system is too old to run the game, based on the very clearly defined minimum requirements... Do not send all caps curse-ridden emails demanding we 'fix the bug.' It's not a bug. You just need to stop trying to punish your decade old Dell laptop.

Thenomain · Jun 20, 2016, 6:22 AM

@silentsophia said in Retail "Horror" Stories:

Please do not snap your fingers, whistle and point in front of you like I am a dog. Thank you.

Smile and nod, nod and smile, and do not move one inch. A cup of the ear, a confused shrug and raise of the eyebrow, a polite, "Did you need something?", most of the time leads the person over to you. For those that don't, take your time. Nobody could need paper towels that quickly.

I swear, I almost cuffed a friend of mine who snapped his fingers at a waiter, once. We were seventeen, and it was a T.G.I. Friday's, for fuck's sake.

Privilege isn't a factor of money; it's a factor of conceit.

Cobalt · Jun 20, 2016, 6:30 AM

@silentsophia said in Retail "Horror" Stories:

Please do not snap your fingers, whistle and point in front of you like I am a dog. Thank you.

Where the fuck do you work that people act like this? I mean, jesus. I work at a walmart and people aren't that much of an asshole to me.

silentsophia · Jun 20, 2016, 7:39 AM

@Cobaltasaurus Target. We get a lot of the upper middle class types who assume we're subhuman or something. Or people who are convinced they are above those of us who work there. I can't afford a lot of stuff while I work there - I'm focusing on debt management, and I am only a part time worker, that much is true. But I can make enough to work on things, squish some savings and have a bit for funsies, like PC parts or a loot crate now and then.

Honestly, most people who go into Target are awesome. It's just easier to complain about the outright assholes, than to type up how you get worn down from people constantly asking where (popular thing) is. We've been hit kind of hard by the boycott (whee), and we do get the odd protester. We still get people harassing employees about that policy, but fuck 'em. Corporate made the policy, it's a good one and people need to not be assholes.

@Thenomain I will admit I was a bit stunned to move for a moment. I just asked if I could help him find something. He sighed, beckoned over. And it turns out he was one aisle away from thing he wanted. I really just don't know sometimes.

thebird · Jun 20, 2016, 9:18 AM

@silentsophia said in Retail "Horror" Stories:

Please do not snap your fingers, whistle and point in front of you like I am a dog. Thank you.

So much this, omg...

Also, as a mild aside - Fuck you, people who walk up to our pastry case and ask for a sub sandwich... "Half an italian on white, lettuce". First, that should not be you're opening statement when approaching another human being. Second, do you know where you are? Because I'm pretty sure you're a lost idiot. The Deli is another half-store-length to your left. Hard to miss the giant sign.