Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.

Derp

Handful of white chocolate ones + handful of caramel ones.

As someone with a pseudo-allergy to chocolate, it's worth the pain.

Auspice

@Derp said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

Handful of white chocolate ones + handful of caramel ones.

As someone with a pseudo-allergy to chocolate, it's worth the pain.

Keep it.
I am not a fan of white "chocolate." Blech.

Auspice

Currently within arm's reach on the coworker's desk:

Peanut Butter
Classic M&Ms
Peanut
White Chocolate Peanut
Crispy
English Toffee Peanut

;.;

Darren

@Auspice said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

Currently within arm's reach on the coworker's desk:

Peanut Butter
Classic M&Ms
Peanut
White Chocolate Peanut
Crispy
English Toffee Peanut

;.;

Wow that's... a hell of a lot of candy to have on your desk.

Auspice

@Darren said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

@Auspice said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

Currently within arm's reach on the coworker's desk:

Peanut Butter
Classic M&Ms
Peanut
White Chocolate Peanut
Crispy
English Toffee Peanut

;.;

Wow that's... a hell of a lot of candy to have on your desk.

That's just the M&Ms. There's also...

a big jar of random candy
a jar of Starburst
a jar of lollipops
a jar of pixie sticks

And a few misc. things here and there.

My coworker just finds joy in providing snacks for people. And people from all over the building will stop by to get their 'fix.'

....and they all ask me how I manage to sit here and not just eat candy all day and I cry a little because some days I do just graze.

ETA: forgot to add the big drawer full of bags of candy to refill the jars.

silverfox

This dearest child spent all winter break with her mother telling her that everything she did was correct.

Now she is back in the class and OCCASIONALLY (seriously, it's not often, this child is brilliant) she gets things wrong.

Guys. 6x4 is 24. Not 23. It really doesn't matter how many times you could it on your fingers incorrectly.

It's 24.

This was not worth her tears right in front of my principal observing me. >.>

Pandora

Cancel Culture is trendy but so damn uncool, man. It's the pastime of people who desperately need to belong to something, anything. If people spent more time 'cancelling' the people in their real, actual lives that ain't worth shit instead of internet-proselytizing about people that don't give a damn about their raggedy ass, the world would be a happier place.

I said what I said

eye8urcake

Hot sauce in my NOSE.

I could have Captain Trips incubating in my sinuses and I bet this OMG MY FACE IS ON FIRE burn would probably kill it.

Auspice

In 'people can be shitty Admin IRL, too':

I'm part of a local lady geeks group. I've met some p awesome people through it (and a couple less-than, but w/e! Out of hundreds of people not everyone will be a winner). The best group, however, has been those of us who do needlework. And the mod of the geeks group who oversaw our steotch team decided to launch her own local group just for needlework, that way those who aren't into the geeky stuff and guys can join too (we have a couple male members already!).

While out with them last night, we found out one of our members was BANNED from the geek group, but she's really cool and nice, so it was a ??? WHY WOULD SHE BE BANNED?

Well, turns out the person who runs the geek group, about a year or so ago, removed moderator status (in Discord/FB) from most of the moderators. Without warning. Without word. And when they (understandably) got back to her to be like 'Hey, what gives? Why did you remove us???'

...she banned them.

And before the 'well that's just one side-' stuff: this was corroborated by someone who was a mod at the time and still is. Who says she found herself on thin ice for a bit because she stood up for them and the fact that they were due, at least, an explanation.

But I'm over here like man, I'm really glad I've resisted every urge to 'step up' in the group. No mod. No organizing a group (I almost began organizing the writer's group but held my tongue long enough that someone else jumped up to do it). I'll happily stick to hanging out and organizing the rare outing (like I'm gonna run an Ultimate Werewolf next week).

RightMeow

My feet are cold. Like COLD cold. That is all.

silverfox

Excuse me, I am going to rant for just a moment about a fad in the United States education system for a bit. It is a concept called "self-care".

(I tried to hide this behind a spoiler tag, but I can't seem to figure it out. If someone wants to PM me how to do that I'll fix it. Highlighting and hitting the little eye-crossed-out icon doesn't seem to work.)

Background:
My school is going through a process called "High Reliability Schools" (HRS). We want the label for advertising purposes, and honestly, the process requires a really deep look at systems and compares them to some of the best research about what makes an effective school. All good stuff. A good chunk of it relies upon survey data from students and staff around various topics.

One such topic was teacher overall satisfaction and stress levels. As a school we rated ourselves moderately to well satisfied in our jobs and roles. However, on the question of stress every single staff member indicated a high to extreme level. Pretty alarming data tbh. Honesty, it is to he expected. We hire passionate people who are generally perfectionists. We place a high level of rigor and demand on our students and we put in the work to make sure they are successful. There isn't a single person on staff who doesn't stat 2-3 hours late at least once a week, and most of us are here an hour to 45 minutes before our contractual start time. We regularly give up our plan time for students in crisis and to support one another however we can.

That said, our stress does not come from that extra time at work. We give that time because we LOVE our students. We do it because we're excited and passionate about what we do. I don't MIND the extra time I spend planning if I know it'll help a kid in their life. Moreover, I have an AMAZING principal. She puts family first every single time. When a teacher won tickets to Disneyland that also happened to fall on a Parent Teacher Conference night, she worked to reschedule all of that time for another night so he could go. The calendar committee this year chose to not give our school the Rocky's home opener as a day off, but she is STILL letting whomever wants to take the day off to take it, and organizing an alternative schedule so the kids who DO come to school that day are supervised and have fun. I work in an AMAZING PLACE.

However it pisses me off to no end when people start saying, "Well what are you doing for yourself? How are you managing your stress? What else can you be doing for "self care?" Because it's a bullshit question. My stress doesn't come from the basics of my job, the hours, the pay, etc. It comes from everything I have to do that IS NOT GOOD FOR KIDS and shows that society doesn't TRUST that I will do my job.

I have to get 23/26 students ready for a test in April that is:

Not developmentally appropriate.
Includes texts that time after time have been shown to be above grade level.
Lasts for HOURS. Within two weeks in April my 3rd graders will have to sit though 435 minutes of testing in COMPLETE SILENCE. (I can't fucking do that!)
They have to be able to read texts (see above level) and answer multiple choice questions that are often ambiguous to educators (aka, us, because we pour over the stupid practice tests exhaustively every year to tease out 'what else we can be doing'.) as well as write multi-paragraph literary analysis essays on those texts.

Let me be clear, my students will be 9 and 10 years old when they sit for these tests. 9 and 10. They're not high school or college students. They are still BABIES.

I have to force these assessments down my student's throats because no one trusts me to evaluate if my kids have learned the material that I've been asked to teach.

I am stressed because I am not trusted by the wider educational field. I am stressed because I honestly think these demands are hurting kids, and so much of that "extra" time I'm spending is to try to mitigate the harm.

I am stressed because the backstories of some of my students are heartbreaking. Homelessness, food insecurity, family health issues, divorce, not feeling safe at school (the most recent Colorado school shooting is the school mine branched off of about 6 years ago - not feeling safe is fucking real and there is NOTHING that can be done to ever make me feel completely safe in my classroom again) - it goes on an on and on. There are days my kids aren't here to learn but to be loved, and if they pick up and throw a fucking chair, there is usually a damned good reason why they did it.

I'm stressed because in many ways I'm acting as a social worker and psychologist. The fucking district (which, tbh, I generally love, but there are policies that drive me insane) pulls our mental health provider for at least two hours weekly for "district meetings" and this next week she'll be gone FOR A WEEK. I'm not trained for this, nor am I given anything extra to deal with the second hand trauma.

I'm a teacher of the year, master degree educated, ten year veteran professional. I love my students, I love my career. I take anxiety medications and it's probably time for me to up them again because damn.

Last weekend I spent hours looking at alternate careers for teachers because I'm burning out badly right now. (I don't think I'll ever really leave - I'm terrified of losing the stability that comes with teaching. It would take a lot for me to lose this job, but my husband has gone through the private sector fire-hire roller coaster enough for me to want to engage in it.)

Don't fucking tell me that the "answer" to my stress is to take a bath at night, or read a book I enjoy, or do something "fun".

My stress comes because of the system and telling me that "self-care" is going to somehow fix it is insulting as fuck. The only thing that can lower my stress levels at this point is, "Here is x time, go work to figure out how to make it all fit."

That's never going to happen though.

Auspice

@silverfox Like the spoon theory, 'self-care' began as a good concept and got warped. Badly.

Self care is doing what needs to be done for your greater good. Sometimes it means doing very hard things that must be done because they're in your best interest. Unfortunately, it's been twisted to mean 'Fuck everyone I'm doing something selfish for me!' and has been used to enable people to actually be worse to themselves and others. 'I'm not gonna make that important phone call cuz self-care'. And because it's so buzz word-y, many industries are using it as a means to avoid actual assistance to their employees.

ETA: and I'm,also not saying that things like a bubble bath and a night off are never self-care. I mean they aren't the end all be all of it. In MU examples: taking a night off from that person stressing you out might help. For that night. Talking to them (or staff if it's egregious) would be hard, but would solve the issue going forward.

Groth

@silverfox said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

(I tried to hide this behind a spoiler tag, but I can't seem to figure it out. If someone wants to PM me how to do that I'll fix it. Highlighting and hitting the little eye-crossed-out icon doesn't seem to work.)

The way the spoiler tag seems to work is that your text must start on the immediate line after the spoiler tag and there can't be any blank lines or other formating tags inside the spoiler.

My stress comes because of the system and telling me that "self-care" is going to somehow fix it is insulting as fuck. The only thing that can lower my stress levels at this point is, "Here is x time, go work to figure out how to make it all fit."

From what I've read on the state of workplace psychology. The professional consensus is that workplace stress is almost always caused by the structure of the work and practically never caused by the specific worker that is stressed out. It's not a popular conclusion among employers though since it means they have to put actual money and organisational effort into doing something about it.

JinShei

We have the same with resilience in the NHS - suddenly, if the stress of the 10% missing nurses and the awfulness of the cases you see day in and day out is getting to you, you get to go on resilience training...

I hate it. There is resilience - the ability to bounce back after awful stress - and resilience - it is your fault you aren't coping with this and if you were better, you would be...

Auspice

A large (very large) part of why I am going to miss working at WF once my contract is up end of this month (plz renew again plz plz plz plz plz) is the culture.

There is a lot of stress, but the majority of the time I'd categorize it as productive stress. Yes you have big projects and looming deadlines, but you also have people who are happy to step in and help. You have people who readily collaborate with each other. And if you get hit with a terrible bout of the flu in the middle of a huge deadline (me, this was me) and have to take days off........ no one gets upset. All I heard, even, when I got back, was well-wishes.

WF acknowledges that the job can be stressful, so they do whatever is needed to mitigate it. From freedom to take time off to the policy that went in this past summer to allow dogs at the office (it's such a small thing, but f'real, being able to sit down and play with someone's puppy when you're feeling overwhelmed is SO good) to simply encouraging a cooperative, supportive environment.

I look back at my past jobs, like the one where I was so sick I could barely keep my feet, but was told that they needed people so I'd be written up if I left. Or the one where the bus was insanely late one day and instead of my usual 15min early, I was almost an hour late and I got told I was being written up and I should 'plan better' in the future.

Alamias

@silverfox If I didn't know any better, I would say you were my wife. Tack on chronic migraines, and you pretty much describe my wife perfectly with your description of yourself and what you are going through. Being the husband of someone who goes through the exact same thing, I have an understanding of your plight and I am sorry.

Ganymede

@silverfox said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

"Well what are you doing for yourself? How are you managing your stress? What else can you be doing for "self care?" Because it's a bullshit question.

It's your peeve. I concur with you on all of your points as it relates to work. That said, "self-care" is an issue for professionals because some, if not most, are notoriously bad at it.

Like my partner, for example. She's a physician's assistant. She's a former lawyer. She's a SCL graduate from one of the best schools in Ohio. But for all of those brains, she also neglects to set appointments to check her electrolyte levels periodically, and that neglect has put her into the hospital at least twice in the past two years. It is a point of constant frustration for me because bitch you a medical professional and don't check yo own damn levels, but lecture people on how they need to take better care of themselves?

I mean, ahem, physician heal thyself or some other pusillanimous shit.

Purportedly us lawyers suffer from heavy compassion fatigue. We have a high suicide rate and rate of substance abuse and/or compulsive behavior. My self-care for stress may be more damaging than the stress itself.

But, you're right. Self-care isn't always the solution, unless self-care includes firebombing government agencies, politicians, and other folks that seem bent on fucking the education system as hard as possible.

Auspice

@Ganymede said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

But for all of those brains, she also neglects to set appointments to check her electrolyte levels periodically, and that neglect has put her into the hospital at least twice in the past two years

And unfortunately, the new hippy definition of 'self-care' would support her behavior. 'Oh you get stressed out by doing this? Then don't do it! Do something relaxing and fun! #treatyoself'

It's why I get an eye-tic when I see it used in like, corporate context. No. Self-care is doing the bullshit. I'm failing self-care IRL rn because that pain in my chest has gotten worse and the steam when I take a shower isn't helping anymore but haha no doctor appt yet because I'm stressed about could it be bad? could it be something I just have to suffer through and would end up spending money I NEED to be told #dealwithit? BOTH ARE UNAPPEALING OUTCOMES. But it's worse and I should go but I'm not

and the 'new' meaning of self-care would support me doing this. It'd be like 'oh don't fret over that just go home and have a bubble bath'

Ganymede

@Auspice said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

And unfortunately, the new hippy definition of 'self-care' would support her behavior. 'Oh you get stressed out by doing this? Then don't do it! Do something relaxing and fun! #treatyoself'

It's a good thing she's not that fucking stupid.

Caggles

@silverfox said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:

Last weekend I spent hours looking at alternate careers for teachers because I'm burning out badly right now. (I don't think I'll ever really leave - I'm terrified of losing the stability that comes with teaching. It would take a lot for me to lose this job, but my husband has gone through the private sector fire-hire roller coaster enough for me to want to engage in it.)

This is why the UCU (University and College Union) over here went on strike last year, and it looks like we're back on strike again end of February.

These workloads are not sustainable. It's not good for us, and it's definitely not good for our students. How can we give our best to them when we're working 60, 70, 80 hour weeks on a regular basis?

Fuck your 'wellbeing' and tai-chi and painting a fucking rock for self help.