Wrestling with a sense of feeling wrong for being attracted to a woman who is very clearly trying to attract men, not women, and almost definitely not homoromantic women who exist in some nebulous area between having no libido and just plain being asexual of some kind. I know it's stupid to feel that way because nothing says I'm only allowed to be attracted to women in polo shirts and khaki shorts, but I'm so used to enjoying the hotness of queer folks that finding an exceedingly straight woman attractive is messing with me. Like, that thing I just said about her being exceedingly straight? Yeah, I'm so confused and uncomfortable that I'm deflecting my feelings and trying to justify them by creating insupportable narratives in which she's trying so hard to look straight because she's deep in the closet and some part of my little gay heart can sense that, which then makes it not weird to find a hot woman hot.
I can't tell if sexuality is confusing or if it's only confusing because we have to navigate it in the context of a society that has some truly fucked up preconceptions about how sexuality is supposed to work, but either way, this shit needs to get simplified, please. I don't like how I feel as if I'm betraying my core, fundamental self for feeling this way.