The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves)

[faraday]

@macha Right? And on the other end of the extreme, my son's school has lunch at 12:50 and refuses to give him a mid-morning snack. (Currently fighting them for accommodations.) He also gets hangry easily so this is a real problem.

[Ganymede]

@faraday said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

And on the other end of the extreme, my son's school has lunch at 12:50 and refuses to give him a mid-morning snack.

Why on God's green Earth would anyone deny a mid-morning snack? I'm a fucking adult who runs a law firm, and I happily let my staff eat wherever and whenever they want.

If one of the goals of school is to prepare children for the real world, then here's a tip: let kids eat when they want to. Because studies in weight-loss have shown that restricting eating times can lead to bad eating habits, like over-eating.

[Too Old For This]

@ganymede Yes but the school system isn't actually set up to prepare children for life after school. It's still set up the way it was originally created, when the 'real world' they were being prepared for was working at a factory or sweatshop. So the things that are prized above education are teaching children to sit quietly, raise their hands when they need something, and not argue with authority figures. As education became 'more important' to the US, standardized testing got thrown in there with the 'be seen, not heard' trifecta, which has helped nobody ever be prepared for the real world. School does not prepare you for the real world (at least not public school), and high school doesn't even prepare you for college. It prepares you to be a cog in a wheel in a giant industrial machine.

Quick note: For sciences in high school... in order of ease of learning/teaching? Physics is generally the easiest. Next is Chemistry. Then Biology being the more difficult. The reason they teach it in the opposite direction? Because its alphabetical. At no point has the rules, regulations, and laws governing the educational system ACTUALLY been about preparing children for adult life.

Edit
Extra Fun Fact: My youngest is 18 years old. I blew his mind last week by telling him that if he wants pork chops for breakfast and cereal for dinner, that's totally his prerogative.

[faraday]

@ganymede said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

Why on God's green Earth would anyone deny a mid-morning snack? I'm a fucking adult who runs a law firm, and I happily let my staff eat wherever and whenever they want.

The dropped the mid-morning snacks because they didn't want the kids taking their masks off while eating, and apparently it's too much trouble to coordinate taking them to the cafeteria or auditorium or whatever where they can space out more.

And however lame that is, whatever, but MY KID NEEDS A SNACK TO FUNCTION. I asked that they send him to the nurse's office or whatever to get a snack, but they refused. Because having him sit there starving and unable to concentrate is somehow preferable to him missing 15 minutes of English.

RAGE.

[Ganymede]

@too-old-for-this said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

Yes but the school system isn't actually set up to prepare children for life after school.

I concur, and that's why I qualified the statement by saying: "[i]f one of the goals of school is to prepare children for the real world ... ."

---

@faraday said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

The dropped the mid-morning snacks because they didn't want the kids taking their masks off while eating, and apparently it's too much trouble to coordinate taking them to the cafeteria or auditorium or whatever where they can space out more.

My kids go to a Catholic School, and they have a mid-morning snack. If the fucking Catholic Church can do it, with how archaic it is, then I'd like to think that a public school system can get it done too. Then again, where I live, masks are only recommended.

My kids wear them anyway because if they don't I will beat the fuck out of them.

(Actually, I wouldn't, and don't, but if you ask my girl whether she'd rather lose dessert or get a spanking, she'll take the spanking.)

(That said, I guess I'd better make sure she doesn't make an OnlyFans site or something in ten years, what with how much she likes spankings.)

[Macha]

@too-old-for-this See, easiest for me? Biology - Physics- Chemistry.

Of course, My chemistry teacher in high school had zero variable voice tone, and it was first period. Snoooooooooze.

[Derp]

@ganymede said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

(That said, I guess I'd better make sure she doesn't make an OnlyFans site or something in ten years, what with how much she likes spankings.)

Look.

Look.

Student loans are a thing, ok?

And if it comes to slave labor at entry level for years or a few smutty videos -- I mean, that one's a no brainer.

If I have kids, of whatever junk, that's the rule. If you're gonna do the smutty stuff, that's fine, but invest that shit wisely.

[faraday]

@ganymede said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

My kids go to a Catholic School, and they have a mid-morning snack. If the fucking Catholic Church can do it, with how archaic it is, then I'd like to think that a public school system can get it done too. Then again, where I live, masks are only recommended.

Yes, it's ridiculous. And believe it or not, it is currently the LEAST ridiculous thing they have done regarding the accommodations he deserves as a result of his ADHD and other issues.

Logically I get that there are limited budgets, staffing issues, etc. It just drives me so nuts that the default public school position is "prove to me that you absolutely NEED services" rather than "what can we do to help you succeed." And we're pretty fortunate to be in a good school district. I shudder to think what it must be like elsewhere.

[Too Old For This]

@faraday I can tell you the difference. My oldest son went through a very low-budget, no-care district. They treated kids like criminals, it was ridiculous. And God help you if you have special needs in that district. My son spent 3 of his 4 high school years in one of those shitty little 'built overnight' trailers that's only meant to be used for like... temporary emergency needs. They made it a full time structure, then stuck all the special needs kids into them (there were three total). He was tormented by the 'normal' kids... and treated like he just wasn't 'applying himself enough' by the faculty. I literally had one of his teachers roll her eyes at me when I mentioned that he has multiple disorders, as listed in his IEP, and that she did not seem to be providing any of the accommodations he required. (Thankfully, she was let go by the school system within a month. Apparently she was of the belief that all of these learning disabilities were just laziness on the part of the students and parents, and that she was going to prove it by showing how they could get through just fine without any help. It went over about as well as you could expect.) My son barely scraped through high school and largely just because the school was uninterested in holding him back so they kept pushing him forward regardless of his grades. He was given no options, no control, and no voice. He now struggles to find work because he couldn't get into college, and he hit the job market the year before COVID hit. So he has very little work history to recommend him.

My youngest is currently having his senior year schedule tailored to his individual needs, he has accommodations in all his classrooms, his teachers are communicative in their needs. The school is communicative in any issues that arise. He's got C's and B's (and one D, he's struggling with Earth Science). He is not on the normal diploma track because he has decided he doesn't want to go into college from high school. He wants to get a job for awhile and look at his options and take some time to figure out what he REALLY wants to do. So the school is tailoring his educational plan to get him a 'completion diploma' rather than a normal diploma. In every way that counts, it will act as a high school diploma. But if he tries to register for college it will tell them that he is missing core curriculum classes (geometry and chemistry) that he will have to make up before he can enroll. This was his decision. They asked him what he wanted. His IEP meeting is next week, he will be attending, and he will be helping to select the classes that will be best for him for the remainder of the school year. He is much happier, much less stressed, and has a far more positive outlook on his future.

[Wretched]

@too-old-for-this Can you go back in time and be my mom?

[thhppbbbt]

@macha I absolutely agree, it's not a coherent lunchtime. The issue is that the school started one size, built an addition, but didn't change the size of the lunch room - they had to move kids through the lunch room in groups (well, pre-COVID, my kids haven't attended in-person school since the start of the pandemic) and the very first cohort was 9:45am. (The last was something else ridiculous like 1:45pm.) The principal told me the kindergartners went first because the school day started so early (7:30am) they knew that many of the kids weren't getting breakfast, and they worried about tiny kindergarten tummies being empty any longer than necessary. I get why they made the choices they did, but that doesn't make the end result any better for the kids.

[Too Old For This]

@wretched If I can figure out time travel? Sure. XD

[boneghazi]

I got really lucky with my son.

Last year (Kindergarten) in 2020, I homeschooled him. So I know first hand what it's like to get him to sit and concentrate. (Impossible. It's impossible).

And this year, we were blessed with the covid restrictions where half his class would go one day and the other half the next. This was ok for about half the year but his teacher started taking him every day because it takes him twice the time to finish his assignments.

He isn't incapable of doing the work. He does math and reading at a 3rd or 4th grade level. When it comes to writing, however, and concentrating on it? Nope. He almost outright refuses to write anything. And his handwriting is bad. Because he loses focus after every single letter. Every single one.

Even tying his shoes is such a chore he loses focus during it.

Anyway his teacher has made accommodations to give him extra time. We do communicate. We have meetings at least twice a semester. For example, this meeting we decided his pencil bag is a huge distraction, so she needs keep his crayons and other things for him and I have to send him to school with a restricted amount of items. I give him 2 pencils, a glue stick, and a sharpener and that is all he is allowed. Otherwise he spends 45 minutes "looking" for whatever item it is he needs.

I guess I'm also blessed not to live in the USA anymore. I was born there, and lived there until I was 17, so I know how BS the school system is but I'm in South Africa now. We have a lot more holidays than the USA, as well as shorter days. And I think their lunch is satisfactorily round about 11:00 as he starts at 8, then gets out at 1 most days, 12 on Friday. I'm also thankful they do uniforms. It makes dealing with mornings a LOT easier. There's no wiggle room or negotiating or fighting about what he's going to wear.

His teacher, while very understanding, has been giving a lot of homework. We are so behind. But, I think she understands and has never complained about his homework not being done on time. To be fair this is the first time this year we are behind. But. It took us 45 mins to an hour to complete one page where he had to write 4 sentences and draw a small picture and write his name. It was like pulling teeth.

He also doesn't seem to have any sensitivities to stimuli. Though I have barred the rest of the family from being anywhere near the living room while we do homework because they will laugh at him (because he's cute, not maliciously) or have their own things to say.

I have tried studying with and without music. it doesn't seem to affect him. Though he does HATE the music I play (lofi homework music on youtube type stuff) and wants to force me to play terrible minecraft dance remixes.

Minecraft is where his mind goes. It's where he lives in his head. He's thinking about it constantly, 24/7. When he goes to sleep at night. When he wakes up. When he's on the toilet. When he's eating. All the damn time. You would think it's a good thing to motivate him with, right? But no.

Potty training was also a fun ride. Boy howdy, let me tell you x_x

I thought I had a point and questions to add to this post but I'm exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally and I lost track.

Shit.

[Too Old For This]

@boneghazi Just as a thought, if you can, you may want to see if his issues with writing and shoelace-tying are fully a focus thing. My youngest still won't get 'lace up' shoes because he has fine motor control issues as part of his suite of diagnoses. When he was younger he would patently refuse to write by hand, and even today his handwriting is considered 'childish'. One of his accommodations is that any sort of essay or writing assignment can by done via computer. He's gotten better about writing by hand (he actually writes short stories these days), but we had to let him do it at his own pace. Obviously, using a computer is not always a possibility, but there are other accommodations that can be made as well.

And as a heads up, my son's 'vibe' was Disney. Still is! He knows more about Disney than any other person I know, including people that work for the company. He's started to branch out from just Disney in the past year or two, but Disney ruled his life from age 6 to 16.

[Carma]

This post is deleted!

[Sunny]

My kiddo had an accommodation for writing because he too had the issue of not being able to do it no matter what executive dysfunction say NO WRITE. They ended up having him use this thing that was sort of like a Chromebook in size and literally all it did was type what he would be writing.

Find out if they can get one for him to try. It was like night and day for us.

[Macha]

@carma Constantly. All the time. And if something is said to me? There is a song, somewhere, that has some of those words in the lyrics, and the song changes. My poor roommate is coming to realize my coin purse that says "80% of my brain is song lyrics" is NOT a joke.

I have the D&D Bard shirt. "Because everything is better with an awesome soundtrack" ...you just can't always hear mine.

[Groth]

@too-old-for-this said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):

@boneghazi Just as a thought, if you can, you may want to see if his issues with writing and shoelace-tying are fully a focus thing. My youngest still won't get 'lace up' shoes because he has fine motor control issues as part of his suite of diagnoses. When he was younger he would patently refuse to write by hand, and even today his handwriting is considered 'childish'.

When I was in school I was assigned an extra 2 hours a week of handwriting class and given special tools to help with handwriting and it did absolutely nothing for me.

It also became routine for most of my time in school for the girls in my class to fix my shoelaces for me because I never managed to tie them properly.

Now I buy shoes without shoelaces and never write anything by hand if I can help it. If technology hadnt caught up and allowed homework to be done on computer and printed by the time I hit high school I have no idea how I would have managed. Writing a single page gave me cramp.

[Too Old For This]

@groth Yeah, my youngest has a host of issues, and fine motor control is one that plagues him even today. Thank God fashion caught up and there are a TON more options for laceless shoes now (tech was already a thing for him, thankfully). Like, for awhile he struggled because the only real 'sneakers' available were those velcro sneakers that tend to cause kids to tease unmercifully. But things have gotten a lot better and now he has slip on sneakers and I replaced the laces on his winter boots with stretchy no-tie laces. So he can just step in and out of them.

[Groth]

Replacing my winter boots with these are one of the biggest quality of life upgrades I have ever done.

My slip on sneakers are almost as nice but do require a shoe horn to get into comfortably.