I watched Aquaman. It was okay.
Jason Momoa remains charming. He has great screen presence. And he looks like he's having a good time doing this superhero thing, which is at least a nice change from, to pick a name out of a hat, Henry Cavill.
There are some great visuals. A soul-crushing amount of work must have been expended on creating the undersea kingdoms and the "make people look like they're underwater" effects, and a good thing, too, because probably 75%+ of the movie's run time happens there.
But Aquaman has, to my way of thinking, three major flaws to go along with some little ones.
One is that it had the bad luck to come out less than a year after Black Panther, another movie about a man born heir to an isolated kingdom of amazing and wondrous technology, who has to overcome the machinations of an evil relative in order to become the leader he was always destined to be. And, unfortunately, Black Panther is the better movie. That in itself is not the kiss of death, because Black Panther was itself pretty darn good, but it doesn't help. And ... look, call me a humorless scold if you must, but "divine right of kings" movies set in the present day make my hackles rise. Do we really want to be telling people that superhuman power and rulership over millions comes from being born to the right parents?
Problem number two is that the movie is so stuffed full of exposition, and moves along at such a breakneck pace, that I really have no idea what the stakes are. Maybe this is not a problem for fans of the comic, but it's hard to empathize with anybody when everyone is mostly interchangeable. They tried to help me by casting a blond Aryan-looking fellow as the bad guy, so thanks for that, but there are still seven different undersea kingdoms and neither the fishtailed folk nor the crab people nor the Deep Ones nor, for that matter, the differences between the two mostly human-looking realms are explored enough for me to know what the heck. It's just exhausting trying to keep up with the prophecies and laws of Atlantis and rules of the universe and I guess what I'm saying here is that the movie would have benefited from focusing more tightly on a smaller portion of the underwater world rather than trying to show it all at once.
Problem number three is the schizophrenic tone. Is this a serious drama about the costs of broken-up families or a lighthearted rom-com? Is it Game of Thrones or Camelot? Aquaman can't make up its mind and wants to be all things to all people. Toward the end of the movie, thousands -- maybe tens of thousands -- of Atlanteans die in an elaborate CGI battle in which we don't really know who outnumbers who or what either side's capabilities are or much of anything about the people being attacked. And then good triumphs and the good guys make a couple of wisecracks and it's happily ever after. Pardon my language, but what the fuck? Are you trying to make us think your protagonists are careless self-absorbed narcissists? You just showed us the underwater Battle of the Somme and now it's back to smug one-liners! If even the people ruling Atlantis don't care about the vast numbers of lives lost, I can't really be arsed to care about them either, and that fatally undermines my ability to take what's happening seriously.
I'm making out like I hated this movie and I really didn't. Yes, it was overstuffed with so much CGI that it might as well have been an animated film, and yes, it was a little repetitive, and yes, my interest in comic-book action setpieces has been mostly exhausted by the past decade. But it's not bad. I'd rather watch Aquaman than, let's say, Dawn of Justice, or Man of Steel, because for all its faults at least it doesn't completely shit on the character it's trying to build up. If you aren't tired of superhero movies yet then this is a perfectly acceptable example of the genre. If you're looking for something beyond that, though, this ... isn't it.