@groth I think, until this awareness of my being on the spectrum, my go-to was always to try fit in and fake everything and hope no one would notice. So while at home I might stick to wearing the same things (usually boot-leg jeans + random geek inspired shirt + cute printed bamboo socks), I would be hyper aware of what I wore out last time I saw person x and I try not to wear the same thing, in case I get 'caught out'.
Now I'm slowly starting to be more me. But it's just also being aware of where I can do that and where I can't. And that can be anxiety inducing trying to figure that out. I know in an ideal world that would be everywhere. I'm still slowly figuring it all out.
It's scary though, sometimes. With all this masking, for so long, trying to delve beneath that to work out how who I am.