The Apology Thread

Sunny · Nov 21, 2016, 11:38 PM

Dude, look at the question that said dismissiveness was in response to, particularly in context with the post that question is in response to.

WTFE · Nov 22, 2016, 12:31 AM

This thread is the reason why we can't have nice things.

Also, anybody who apologizes in a public forum is practically begging for the ensuing dogpile given the current cultural climate.

Keep your criticisms and your apologies in private where they belong.

Hella · Nov 22, 2016, 12:46 AM

Apologies here should start with "I regret nothing!"

Monogram · Nov 22, 2016, 1:33 AM

This kinda makes me want to start a thread about bread. Something bland and boring as bread and if it erupts into a debate.

Just to see if it happens.

Miss Demeanor · Nov 22, 2016, 1:41 AM

@surreality said in The Apology Thread:

@Miss-Demeanor said in The Apology Thread:

@Misadventure I'm not a millennial pansy that needs a 'safe space' from 'scary words', so no.

Yeah, sorry... I have to agree with @Misadventure on this one, the dismissiveness here is a bit much.

PTSD is a real thing, and if people could control what sets it off, I'm pretty sure 'those millennial pansies' be much happier about it than the people who are in proximity when it's set off and feel the need to look down on them for having a delayed emotional reaction to trauma.

Agree all you want. I will totally answer dismissively when asked if I was 'triggered' by a mean person on the internet. If I couldn't handle someone being a jackass on a game, I would have lost my mind decades ago. And considering I've been gaming RL and online since my early teens... I would say I'm doing okay. Angry? Absolutely. Triggered? ....AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

WTFE · Nov 22, 2016, 1:47 AM

@Monogram said in The Apology Thread:

This kinda makes me want to start a thread about bread. Something bland and boring as bread and if it erupts into a debate.

Just to see if it happens.

If you think bread is bland and boring you are a bad person and you need to be ashamed of yourself. Bread is arguably the most important food innovation in all of history, and given its sheer bewildering variety of forms, flavours, textures, and uses calling it "boring" or "bland" indicates a huge degree of total ignorance.

(How did I do?)

Miss Demeanor · Nov 22, 2016, 1:48 AM

@WTFE said in The Apology Thread:

@Monogram said in The Apology Thread:

This kinda makes me want to start a thread about bread. Something bland and boring as bread and if it erupts into a debate.

Just to see if it happens.

If you think bread is bland and boring you are a bad person and you need to be ashamed of yourself. Bread is arguably the most important food innovation in all of history, and given its sheer bewildering variety of forms, flavours, textures, and uses calling it "boring" or "bland" indicates a huge degree of total ignorance.

(How did I do?)

It was SLICED. SLICED, MAN! ITS CHAOS!

Gilette · Nov 22, 2016, 2:14 AM

@Miss-Demeanor @WTFE

Honestly, it's pretty disgusting to see people espousing the virtues of bread but refusing to mention the benefits of toast. Shameful.

Kanye Qwest · Nov 22, 2016, 2:20 AM

@Gilette Betty White is OLDER THAN SLICED BREAD!!

Monogram · Nov 22, 2016, 2:22 AM

Sourdough or gtfo

saosmash · Nov 22, 2016, 2:36 AM

I'm sick and tired of the war on gluten.

Auspice · Nov 22, 2016, 2:47 AM

And what's this garbage about mixing of the breads?

RYE AND PUMPERNICKEL SHOULD NOT BECOME ONE.

Miss Demeanor · Nov 22, 2016, 2:52 AM

@Monogram said in The Apology Thread:

Sourdough or gtfo

SOURDOUGH 4 LYFE!

GangOfDolls · Nov 22, 2016, 3:03 AM

My only real concern with the dog pile is that it unintentionally shoots in the face the spirit of what's trying to occur here.

Which is, people trying their best to account for past weaknesses of character or personal failings.

There are ways to apologize properly but often the circumstances that allow for that have to be optimal. In the case of things that happened online and especially a long time ago on a game, the ability to find the people involved is probably slim to none unless you're still in contact with them and chances are, you've already hashed out the issue enough to continue speaking to one another.

Or one hopes.

Will people be bad actors? Sometimes.
Will people use this as a way to preen? Sometimes probably from time to time.
Will people use language that's imprecise in their fumbling attempt to apologize? Yes.

But I maintain that the spirit vs. the letter of the law of what's trying to occur here is perhaps more important than the crafts of verse. Sure, yes, its fine to take issue but I would also consider being generous in spirit enough lest you scare someone off who intends to use this forum to make amends or privately contact someone to make an attempt.

Miss Demeanor · Nov 22, 2016, 3:17 AM

@GangOfDolls There was no dogpile. If you'll look back, its mostly me condemning the 'apology', and two others defending it and/or dissecting my responses. Dogpile infers a group of people all rushing to agree on the same conclusion. And again, given that I'm one of the people treated poorly by said original poster, I believe its well within my rights to call him out when I believe that apology to be insincere. I'm not going to 'cut him slack' just because he made it public. I don't believe his intentions were even good, I believe they were entirely self-serving, as he has shown himself to be across many years. It was the spirit and the letter of the law that I was calling out.

GangOfDolls · Nov 22, 2016, 3:27 AM

@Miss-Demeanor

Uhhh.... okay?

I was referring to someone else's use of the word 'dogpile' in this thread. I read what you wrote, what others wrote, and shared a thought I had about the general thing of it.

Ghost · Nov 22, 2016, 3:42 AM

I wrote and backspaced a response 2-3 times because I wanted to make very clear what I am saying in this response. So please, read clearly and try not to nitpick or over-analyze what you're reading right now.

I opened this thread, specifically in the "Shout in the Dark" section, to provide what I thought would be a positive platform for people to air out those occasional regrets about how they handled something. My intention was a rather hippy-type "It never hurts to come clean, and you never know who might appreciate it"
Any statements I made concerning regrets or apologies were never intended for community approval. These apologies were not for you. I find it very selfish and ugly that some people couldn't resist the urge to sour something meant to be sincere.
In my post that people are going back and forth on about whether or not I was being sincere? I worded it, perhaps ineloquently, but I was careful with my wording because giving specifics on the triggering involved would have made it seem like I was parading whatever damage or hurt was displayed my way, and I felt that wouldn't be proper. I was apologizing, and not that I was inconvenienced in any way, but because when I look back, I feel as if my shutting off of my empathy, from a certain point of view, was cruelty. When one person hurts, for whatever reason or however valid or invalid, and the person they are reaching or displaying their hurt to cuts off their empathy and says "fuck it", a sort of cruelty happens. I regret that. Someone hurt because of my involvement, and that sucks.
There was a thread a while back on the hog pit about what is and isn't an apology. It seems the people that had a few days of enjoyment mudslinging have resumed their arguments on what constitutes as a proper apology to this thread. I very much so wish you could have gotten over yourselves and appreciated the attempt myself and some others made to do something positive without the need for venom and trolling.
I have nothing more to say about how anyone feels about my "shout in the dark" apologies and unloading of old ShouldaWouldaCoulda before exiting the community. I don't care what any of you think about them, even my good friends like @Auspice and @surreality. This isn't for them. This isn't for props or to be the most charming or charitable person in the room for five minutes. This was, and was genuinely, about setting out a few regrets and hoping that perhaps just one or two of those people would skim the topic, nod their heads, smile, and have a better day tomorrow than they did back then.

Knock off the witch hunt and let something be nice for a change, please.

I will not be responding to this thread any more unless it is another "shout in the dark" type apology.

surreality · Nov 22, 2016, 3:55 AM

@Miss-Demeanor said in The Apology Thread:

@surreality said in The Apology Thread:

@Miss-Demeanor said in The Apology Thread:

@Misadventure I'm not a millennial pansy that needs a 'safe space' from 'scary words', so no.

Yeah, sorry... I have to agree with @Misadventure on this one, the dismissiveness here is a bit much.

PTSD is a real thing, and if people could control what sets it off, I'm pretty sure 'those millennial pansies' be much happier about it than the people who are in proximity when it's set off and feel the need to look down on them for having a delayed emotional reaction to trauma.

Agree all you want. I will totally answer dismissively when asked if I was 'triggered' by a mean person on the internet. If I couldn't handle someone being a jackass on a game, I would have lost my mind decades ago. And considering I've been gaming RL and online since my early teens... I would say I'm doing okay. Angry? Absolutely. Triggered? ....AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The fucking problem is, it's not him you're being dismissive of. It's people who have a real fucking issue.

Be as snarky about him as you want -- but doing it by categorizing anyone who has ever had their PTSD fire off on a game is not insulting him, it's insulting them.

There is absolutely a motherfucking difference between the two.

Miss Demeanor · Nov 22, 2016, 4:14 AM

@surreality said in The Apology Thread:

@Miss-Demeanor said in The Apology Thread:

@surreality said in The Apology Thread:

@Miss-Demeanor said in The Apology Thread:

@Misadventure I'm not a millennial pansy that needs a 'safe space' from 'scary words', so no.

Yeah, sorry... I have to agree with @Misadventure on this one, the dismissiveness here is a bit much.

PTSD is a real thing, and if people could control what sets it off, I'm pretty sure 'those millennial pansies' be much happier about it than the people who are in proximity when it's set off and feel the need to look down on them for having a delayed emotional reaction to trauma.

Agree all you want. I will totally answer dismissively when asked if I was 'triggered' by a mean person on the internet. If I couldn't handle someone being a jackass on a game, I would have lost my mind decades ago. And considering I've been gaming RL and online since my early teens... I would say I'm doing okay. Angry? Absolutely. Triggered? ....AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The fucking problem is, it's not him you're being dismissive of. It's people who have a real fucking issue.

Be as snarky about him as you want -- but doing it by categorizing anyone who has ever had their PTSD fire off on a game is not insulting him, it's insulting them.

There is absolutely a motherfucking difference between the two.

Oh, because I mentioned a group of people that abuse the 'triggered' thing so they can be over-sensitive twatwaffles? Why don't you stop being offended for everyone preemptively and chill the fuck out. If you're just going to nitpick shit so you have something to be up in arms about? Go tweet about how horribly the mean girl on the internet treated you. Gather up your army of followers and call for my blood because I dared make fun of a group of entitled, selfish brats that never got told to 'get over it' by their parents. Because that was very clearly the group I made fun of. Not people who've been raped, or abused, or grew up bad. Idiot college kids that think that because the professor isn't treating them like a special snowflake by talking about Hitler they deserve to be coddled and pampered because the bad man said horrible things happened and they can't handle that. So if you're just reading every comment looking for something to get pissy and high-horse about? Maybe you need to learn the difference, because I damn sure was being fucking clear in the ones I was talking about.

surreality · Nov 22, 2016, 4:24 AM

@Miss-Demeanor I like both of you. Genuinely. I'm not trying to defend him. I'm not trying to attack you. I know just enough about the situation (I think) you're upset about to think that both of the people I like just fine probably owe each other an apology for their respective parts in the conflict, but also that that wasn't the situation he was posting about. Neither of you thinks you're wrong about any of that, and you're both stubborn enough (I empathize, not criticize here, 'cause I'm the same goddamn way) that I don't think either of you will ever budge about it, or change perspective on it. Which sucks, because neither of you suck.

This is the snarkiest thing I'm going to say in this thread, and then I'm going to leave it there: When nitpicking someone else's wording, be more careful of your own.