How to put an end to whisper game attacks?

[thesuntsar]

Amazingly @Ghost didn't have their name mentioned at all and here we are with a rambling post.

[Tinuviel]

@thesuntsar Except he did.

[Ghost]

@thesuntsar the purpose of my post wasnt to rant, but the reality is that by making this some huge public spectacle they're risking their reputation on a forum they seem to care more about their standing on than I do. It's unfortunate and entirely unnecessary.

However, it was one of the few ways that I could (or was willing to) do what I thought was ethical to try assuage whatever fear of reprisal is driving this episode, which is clearly causing a RL impact.

I may dislike people for specific reasons, but they're real people and I'm not into live action suffering.

[Auspice]

Months ago, a friend came to me to tell me (paraphrased) 'hey, this is awks, but I don't feel comfortable talking to you regularly while knowing it... but surr told me this stuff about your personal life and I thought you should know that I know <insert accurate details here.>'
One example of someone knowing about my sex life.

Last winter, the person I slept with reached out to me to check on me and ask how I was doing because lo and behold screenshots of my conversation with surr (as in something only she or I could have handed out and I'm sorry but why would I have done so?) had gotten to him. I mean, major props to him for being more concerned about my well-being than upset about them going around, but.
I don't know who gave them to him, but it means that surreality shared them with at least one person.

So, yes, fucking yes. My personal life got shared by someone who is going around claiming she's not and the only way she's allowing me to prove it is to share my personal life?

It was rubbing salt in the wound when she PM'd me yesterday to insist that it wasn't her, that she doesn't engage in talking about peoples' personal lives and that other people knew about it at the time (which I can believe for reasons I won't go into here, but also doesn't negate the about two scenarios and also)... I didn't reply to the PM, because what was I going to do? Say 'OK' and ... absolve her? Or refute it and... well, likely end up with this very thread. So I decided to simply say nothing because I felt trapped.

I am posting this largely because I feel the initial demand, to 'disclose' if people had personal info shared with them is horrifying. Because it proposes this scenario of having to disclose other peoples' lives publicly to prove guilt. And even in my doing so here, without screenshots (aka 'the sordid details,') someone can come in and just wave it off as 'well you have no proof) and it's distressing.

[Tinuviel]

I'm somewhat confused as to how this is, at all, constructive. The overall idea of ending "whisper game attacks" is a fine discussion to have, but it has simply descended into accusations and counter-accusations.

[tek]

@Tinuviel OP wanted attention. OP got attention.

[Meg]

It would really suck to have your personal life spread around by other people. I do believe you that your sex life was spread around to people. Idk who, definitely not to me. But, let's be honest, you have engaged in whisper attacks before, Auspice. So do I believe that you have retaliated in return by launching your own whisper attack about surreality? Sure, I can believe that, too.

Mostly, I just wish you and surreality would put each other on block and not engage with each other. Because this seems like Some Shit.

[Ghost]

The logical problem with this situation is that the response to being told (in private) that their retaliatory behavior and sharing of other people's private life details was not liked... is a highly public MSB thread about how character assassination and sharing people's private life details is so wrong that it warranted retaliatory character assassination and making these private details public as a means to get in front of it just in case.

Fucking bullshit that you felt the need to share that to defend yourself, @Auspice. Well. Guess it's everyone's business now.

[Tinuviel]

I'm sort of curious, now, as to what a whisper attack actually is. Is every single instance of talking about someone without them being involved a whisper attack, now? Do such things have to meet the broad definition of libel or slander? Do they absolutely have to be untrue to be an attack?

[Meg]

@Tinuviel idk. i just work here, man. i don't want to debate philosophy.

[Tinuviel]

@Meg It's okay, I'll debate philosophy with this super secret attacky cabal I'm apparently part of.

[tek]

@Tinuviel is the cabal the same as the clique?

[Tinuviel]

@tek There Is No Cabal.

Gods, I wonder how many folks even remember that joke...

[Tinuviel]

All that said, some seriousness.

If people are annoying you, or whatever, and you block them - that is cool. Shouting how you've blocked them like they've won a prize - that is not cool.

Block, and disengage. Don't talk to them, about them, around them, or interact with or to them in any way.

If you block me, I don't care. I honestly don't. You do you, be the bigger person, whatever. Don't make a fuss about it, and don't constantly fucking remind everyone "oh you're blocked I'm not going to read your replies." It makes you look like a fuckstick.

[Ghost]

@Meg said in How to put an end to whisper game attacks?:

I do believe you that your sex life was spread around to people. Idk who, definitely not to me. But, let's be honest, you have engaged in whisper attacks before, Auspice. So do I believe that you have retaliated in return by launching your own whisper attack about surreality? Sure, I can believe that, too.

Take this as you will, but I can assure you Auspice isn't launching a whisper attack.

The other day Aus and I mentioned on a thread about some of her private info being dished and I supported it by stating that I'd heard the same from the same person. No names were mentioned.

We were each privately reached out to with defensive PMs, it seems. In mine I decided to take the "I dont like that you do this, please just go away" approach. What we have now is a preemptive strike in what appears to be concern that team B was going to strike first, or something. There was a lot of artistic license taken in that original post.

So while it may be within the realm of possibility that Auspice could whisper campaign about this (throw a rock and you'll hit a gossipper in this hobby), the accusation here is that Aus and I are privately amassing some whisper campaign army to turn people against her, which simply isn't reality.

But now, I suppose, people are well and free to choose to partake in whisper campaigns of their own as residual fallout of this highly public dumpster fire.

[Tinuviel]

@Ghost said in How to put an end to whisper game attacks?:

But now, I suppose, people are well and free to choose to partake in whisper campaigns of their own as residual fallout of this highly public dumpster fire.

I think a whisper campaign about whisper campaigns would be a bit too meta for me.

[Herja]

The easiest way to stop whisper campaigns is to stop sharing details about your personal life with those who have no significantly earned your trust. A person can be a damn fine roleplayer, but not be someone you want knowing your life's secrets, you know? What we do creates this amazing feeling of intimacy. Sharing creativity with someone often does. Yet, I think in many ways, it is an illusion. People are people when they are out of character. People who gossip. People who lie. People who don't respect boundaries. Most of us wouldn't tell someone our secrets on the first meeting or even at the fourth. Yet, there is this safety and comfort with doing it online.

I don't say this in effort to 'victim blame' anyone. I say this as someone who has been heart broken and hurt by people I thought I could trust just because we had a super fun time roleplaying together. Just because someone plays your friend in a MUSH doesn't mean they are your actual friend. I think that roleplayers, as a community, have a really difficult time telling the difference in general.

[Roz]

@surreality said in How to put an end to whisper game attacks?:

I do remember what you're talking about, too, Roz -- and it's good to know where it was coming from, even if it's much later. That was kind of you.

I don't want too much credit for kindness, really. It was just as much annoyance and exasperation. I just don't want to get credit of purity I don't deserve, lol.

Anyways I wish I could upvote @Herja's post ten times.

[Meg]

@Herja don't worry; i still haven't revealed your secrets to this day.

friends in RP, friends forever.

[Herja]

@Meg You are special, bb. Everyone else gets NOTHING. NOTHING!