Tips for not wearing out your welcome

[mietze]

This thread is in constructive right now, so please try to keep it from going too far into just insults.

[Testament]

[Ominous]

[A. B.]

Hey, it was not my idea to contact you through this site. I was advised to do that by somebody else, who I didn't mention as I didn't know if they'd like that. I mean I'm sorry if it gave you a fright, but it was not my idea. (I'd never even heard of this site before. I was going to send a PM via the AresMUSH forum, but I couldn't register owing to a technical glitch.)

As for my wittering in the game, seriously I was barely in my right mind at the time, you can't go by that. (I am NOT going to go into what was going on, not here, just want to say that I don't mean I was high, as it sounds rather like that!)

I do think (and I want to say this in front of everybody) that before banning somebody without warning, it would be only decent to actually tell them that you want them to stop rabbiting on and see if that does it. (Especially somebody who has already told you that they have Asperger's syndrome, and therefore a tin ear for guessing what somebody is not saying just from the tone of their wording.)

Yes, I am angry.

[A. B.]

Incidentally, to everyone else - any advice on locating one of these mythical "other more suitable MUs"? In a separate thread probably.

[Lotherio]

@A-B said in Spirit Lake - Discussion:

seriously I was barely in my right mind at the time, you can't go by that. (I am NOT going to go into what was going on, not here, just want to say that I don't mean I was high, as it sounds rather like that!)

Whatever state of mind it was, you made the choice to go there in that mind frame, that's the face you showed them and they can go by that presentation of yourself. You know what it was, maybe try the next game in a better mindset. The Mud Connector ir Top Mud Sites is a good place to start, then add on bboards in games, but based on responding in an angry tone here I'm less inclined to recommend friends games.

[Testament]

[Ominous]

I reiterate.

[Groth]

@A-B said in Spirit Lake - Discussion:

I do think (and I want to say this in front of everybody) that before banning somebody without warning, it would be only decent to actually tell them that you want them to stop rabbiting on and see if that does it. (Especially somebody who has already told you that they have Asperger's syndrome, and therefore a tin ear for guessing what somebody is not saying just from the tone of their wording.)

Yes, I am angry.

My best advice is to try to avoid saying unnecessary things and come to terms with the fact that if you don't get along with the staff then you won't enjoy playing there. I tend to use mudstats to get an idea for which games are still around and active though it doesn't track Ares games like spirit lake as far as I know.

[A. B.]

Main problem is that I'm now much more of a quivering bundle of nerves even than I was before and if I join any other game, I will just burst into tears and howl that they're going to throw me out, I know they are, until they do throw me out for acting weird in their chat. That was the main reason why I was anxious to try and retrieve things with Spirit Lake, now the crisis was over - I thought if it was possible to retrieve things after all, I might get back a bit of my confidence. But it seems I was right to have no confidence, I shouldn't ever attempt to speak to people again :'-(

Yes, I should never have gone on there in that state - but I was also desperate for company, what can you do...

I would like to know what else but an angry tone somebody can respond in who has been, in their honest opinion, unfairly banned from a game, and then taken to task in front of a lot of strangers for trying to appeal and even apologise (you didn't see the private message I sent Tat). Believe me, I have been making a big effort to tone it down as much as I can.

Well, I suppose I could do "howling in tears" just as well as "angry", but that never goes down well either.

[A. B.]

Ominous - afraid I have no idea what you mean. Given your sig, I assumed I wasn't meant to.

[Ominous]

@A-B said in Spirit Lake - Discussion:

Incidentally, to everyone else - any advice on locating one of these mythical "other more suitable MUs"? In a separate thread probably.

On a more serious and helpful note, you're not doing yourself any favors by posting this:

@A-B said in Spirit Lake - Discussion:

Hey, it was not my idea to contact you through this site. I was advised to do that by somebody else, who I didn't mention as I didn't know if they'd like that. I mean I'm sorry if it gave you a fright, but it was not my idea. (I'd never even heard of this site before. I was going to send a PM via the AresMUSH forum, but I couldn't register owing to a technical glitch.)

As for my wittering in the game, seriously I was barely in my right mind at the time, you can't go by that. (I am NOT going to go into what was going on, not here, just want to say that I don't mean I was high, as it sounds rather like that!)

I do think (and I want to say this in front of everybody) that before banning somebody without warning, it would be only decent to actually tell them that you want them to stop rabbiting on and see if that does it. (Especially somebody who has already told you that they have Asperger's syndrome, and therefore a tin ear for guessing what somebody is not saying just from the tone of their wording.)

Yes, I am angry.

Accept the ban. Publicly arguing whether or not a ban was justified does not make you look good, unless you have some very compelling evidence of egregious behavior on the part of staff. It certainly does not present you as someone others would want to introduce to the place where they play.

[TheOnceler]

@A-B said in Spirit Lake - Discussion:

Ominous - afraid I have no idea what you mean. Given your sig, I assumed I wasn't meant to.

I don't really know Ominous, but if I had to guess I'd say they're suggesting you may be basically a red flag factory in the red flag district of Red Flag City, the capital city of the Red Flag region and home of the Red Flag gym where the gym master Redd Flaggerson uses a Red Flag (Psychic, Ghost) to fight.

[A. B.]

It occurs to me - is screaming and howling in tears OK in character, usually, in MUs? Because my role-playing characters are usually very mechanical and colourless indeed and bore me and everyone else, owing, I think, to me laboriously trying to mechanically mimic a thoroughly normal and average person with nothing particular on their mind. Hence maybe a bit of wealth redistribution wouldn't go amiss there, if you reckon there's a chance of it being OK for a character to get upset!

[A. B.]

Ominous - Well, I didn't want to do it publicly, only Tat seems to insist on talking to me here rather than in the private chat I sent to begin with. I've no interest in dragging anyone through mud. I would rather drag myself through MUDs. Maybe I shouldn't even have said what I did, but after Tat said that in front of everyone I wanted to say that there were two sides to it.

[Groth]

@A-B said in Spirit Lake - Discussion:

It occurs to me - is screaming and howling in tears OK in character, usually, in MUs? Because my role-playing characters are usually very mechanical and colourless indeed and bore me and everyone else, owing, I think, to me laboriously trying to mechanically mimic a thoroughly normal and average person with nothing particular on their mind. Hence maybe a bit of wealth redistribution wouldn't go amiss there, if you reckon there's a chance of it being OK for a character to get upset!

Being dramatic and hysterical in-character can often be seen as a good thing as long as it's appropriate and not overdone. Being dramatic and hysterical out of character is almost always seen as a bad thing because no one wants to spend their hobby time being an unpaid mental health counselor.

[Ominous]

@A-B

Bingo.

We play these games to avoid real life drama. Pretend drama is definitely welcome. Though, sometimes people don't even want that. Right now, you come across as bringing a lot of real life drama to any game you would join, which is the thing people are trying to avoid. Laboriously trying to mechanically mimic a thoroughly normal and average person is what you should do here and when not in character.

[Derp]

@A-B said in Spirit Lake - Discussion:

Ominous - Well, I didn't want to do it publicly, only Tat seems to insist on talking to me here rather than in the private chat I sent to begin with.

Oooh. No Not a good way to start.

Owning your actions is pretty big in this hobby. Nobody is obligated to excuse your bad behavior. And most certainly nobody forced you to come here and write a post with a gun to your head.

That was your choice. As was the other thing that got you banned, that you now wanna fight about?

Not a good look. And definitely not a winning strategy. You're doing yourself no favors here really.

I would just let it go. You basically just used the mu-equivalent of the 'Well she was asking for it by wearing that skirt' defense for your (ongoing) bad behavior. Not a way to win friends or influence people, man.

[Ganymede]

@Ominous said in Spirit Lake - Discussion:

Laboriously trying to mechanically mimic a thoroughly normal and average person is what you should do here and when not in character.

To be fair, if you are all attempting to be normal and average then I will be over in a corner crying or something.

[Ominous]

@Ganymede