Dec 22, 2020, 6:06 PM
I am in a terrible spending spiral, and ordering out way too much. Like how lazy am I, when I can't fucking be arsed to boil pasta?
How are you coping with COVID (and other 2020 fun)?
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I've watched Jurassic Park 8 1/2 times. It helps me get through when 2020 starts really doing it to me.
maximum craveability
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Rping once was a joy, now there are days it just...I can't.
Working from home, virtual school for the kids, a cheating husband that bailed.
But I'm getting better? Taking what control of life I can, and focusing there.
Lots of video games, and binge watching things. I started writing again, sorta.
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It's no secret that I've been on the front lines of Covid ever since it arrived. The laboratory I work used to be focused on specifically one test. An inhouse test created for early detection of various cancers. It's basically a fancy way of saying we do a lot PCR(polymerase chain reaction). Which is another fancy way of saying 'we take a little bit of DNA and replicate however many thousands of times until we have enough genetic material to do a quantitative test, one that'll look for specific markers in your DNA and whether or not other markers have(or have not)been activated. Which can lead to cancer. Or if cancer is already active, certain markers will have been either activated or repressed. I could go further into this, but it's not all that important. I hate saying that my company made out like bandits, but that'd be a lie. Holy shit, company stocks are high.
Basically, at the jump, my company started to offer Covid testing based on the same principles with some tweaking to some of test phases that go in how QNS tests find a result that would be considered accurate. That's science that above my paygrade, and the people in R&D aren't always forthcoming with how they do what they do. Needless to say there was tinkering that was going on to detect viral loads in a person's body.
This has made me go through periods of morbid acceptance to how I operated in my job to blind optimism to thinking that I was really making a difference to sheer bitter nihilism that people are idiots as I continued to watch case numbers rise, and the utter cognitive dissonance as I'd hear people say that the virus isn't real, or not that bad, or some other mental safety net meant to keep their precious worldview in line with their altered reality.
I realize it's made me angrier than I'd like to be, angrier than I already am, and if I wasn't already really resentful, I'm likely there now. So my ability to cope, surrounded by it as I am, hasn't been a lot. This has made me snap at people on MUs more often than I like to admit if for no other reason than I felt helpless. It is for that reason, that I came to resolution as to how this had been affecting me, negatively. These were never opinions I voiced, not openly, but the thought was there. Looking at tests results, seeing the number of positives increase, seeing co-workers have to leave work for two weeks because they were exposed, and then some not still not come back yet. There are times where I sit and wonder if I'm really doing any good at all.
And then I wonder how much of me will be left when I get to the other side. Self-depreciating humor tends to be my go-to.
I lost my cat, my best friend to seizures. I had to do what I could for my significant other go through emotional breakdowns from being trapped in one room. No, I don't think many people have had good years. I think I'm glad that I'm still here, typing this.
I am coping, if that is a word for it. YouTube and played through old games that I had never had the time for have helped. Though I have rediscovered my talent for cooking as of late, which has been nice. And picking back up my various skills at mixology and seeing if I can create new cocktails simply because I could. As for RP? My RP circle is literally 5 people. I'm content to keep it that way until I feel like expanding that.
I'm okay. I tell my therapist that.
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I missed a scene today because:
a) I couldn't remember whether or not I had canceled my RSVP because I didn't actually think I'd feel like RPing after all but I thought I might keep the spot just in case I somehow did.
b) I got the time COMPLETELY wrong and,
c) I unexpectedly had to go get a COVID test.And if that's not muing for me in a nutshell right now I don't know what is.
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The hardest part of 2020 for me has been having zero time to myself. I work from home and have to manage that while juggling my 6-year-old's online assignments and class schedule. God, I even miss the 15 minutes alone I used to have in the car for my commute.
The best thing I've done for myself is I've started taking ukulele lessons online. It's light and creative, and it's mostly muscle memory, so it doesn't feel demanding. My teacher doesn't even care if I practice, so it's very low pressure. And it's an hour each week when I can shut the rest of the world out and just do a fun thing.
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I feel a lot of this.
I treasure those commutes now.
Also, I drive about aimlessly at times.
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I'm coping pretty well, being a bit of a hermit as is. But spread is spiking, and my work is essential, so off I go to work every day. Thankfully my employer is super tight on following restrictions and does everything they can to keep us healthy. So far, a few at work has had it but they all got it from outside sources, and stayed the fuck away from work, so they didn't infect anyone AT work.
ANyway, here is someone in Sweden's holiday decoration...
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Everything just feels exhausting all the time.
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I took a 13-hour drive just to get out of the house, drive up to the Sequoia National forest, drive-through and not get out of the car, then drive home...just so I could crack the windows and smell the fresh air and trees.
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I'm now in this weirdish limbo now where I've done Christmas already (my beloved spawn go to their father's this year) and I am out of things to do until New Year's when I take down all things Christmas. I think a lot of my coping was continuously Doing Things and now I'm kind of out of things to do. Except I didn't do a lot of the usual things - I didn't put out light-up Santa T-Rex and I didn't make everyone at work holiday treats. And I am fucking tired - too tired to rp, too tired to really video game, even. Like too tired to try, period.
It's weird, too, because I am fighting the usual traffic and going to work like things are normal, and yet they feel so horribly not normal at all. I guess I'm losing what I thought were my coping abilities at this point.
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I am in a terrible spending spiral, and ordering out way too much. Like how lazy am I, when I can't fucking be arsed to boil pasta?
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Oh, yeah. We've eaten out every day for like two weeks for at least one meal. Take out of course, I wouldn't go inside to eat anywhere anytime soon.
I think it's just like. We're inside pretty much all the time. Yes I could cook the pasta like I have so many times before, but also I could spend money and get something that's not IN the house instead and we can pretend for a little while that the world isn't fucked.
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I'm not coping at all. Everything is awful.
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My greatest relief of the week is that my washer isn't broken thank christ
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@macha said in How are you coping with COVID (and other 2020 fun)?:
I am in a terrible spending spiral, and ordering out way too much. Like how lazy am I, when I can't fucking be arsed to boil pasta?
This is simple to make. Like, dead simple. The hardest part is slicing and peeling the garlic, but it's so worth it. And it's dirt cheap.
I have made this stuff so much during COVID. It just doesn't get old. I seriously recommend that you give it a shot. You might end up eating out less just because this stuff isn't on the menu.
Racism isn't Tinkerbell. It doesn't need you to believe in it for it to exist.
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@derp said in How are you coping with COVID (and other 2020 fun)?:
@macha said in How are you coping with COVID (and other 2020 fun)?:
I am in a terrible spending spiral, and ordering out way too much. Like how lazy am I, when I can't fucking be arsed to boil pasta?
This is simple to make. Like, dead simple. The hardest part is slicing and peeling the garlic, but it's so worth it. And it's dirt cheap.
I have made this stuff so much during COVID. It just doesn't get old. I seriously recommend that you give it a shot. You might end up eating out less just because this stuff isn't on the menu.
And if you're trying to stay away from carbs, no reason you can't use spaghetti squash. If you don't think of it as a substitute for pasta (it's not) it's quite good.