Annnnnnnnd I just got a tag team call from HR, because my boss' boss decided that I needed to have HR in my face.
I straight up told the 2 people from HR, "Look, I have ADHD. Executive dysfunction happens some mornings. I'm trying, but working from home can make it hard."
So now I have a bunch of links and bullshit.
@macha said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
So now I have a bunch of links and bullshit.
Oh, please tell me they're the kind of "So your brain doesn't prioritize time well? Our advice is to ignore your brain and prioritize your time better" self-help.
There is some of that implied, and some "Well, if we start you later, after an hour of unpaid leave, it'll be better, right? " ...that's not how it works, jerks.
I have a Dr appt next week. For a new ADHD med, and I will get a fucking note for work. They can suuuuuuuck my big spirit dick.
Not quite ADHD but along the same vein... I got COVID early last year. I've since had issues with sleep and with fatigue. Constant, ugly, fatigue. Then I got the new mutated COVID this year (because I have apparently drawn the fucking powerball of illnesses), and the fatigue has now gotten even worse. I am now having to battle my employer while trying to get my doctor to diagnose my Chronic Fatigue Disorder. They don't like hearing that I'm not at work 'because I'm tired'. They don't understand that this isn't just tired. This is... I can sleep 12 hours in a day and STILL feel exhausted to the point where I will drop off to sleep in the middle of the day for a four hour nap, then wake up tired, then sleep another 5-6 hours overnight and still be exhausted. My daily household tasks are falling farther and farther behind because I can barely stay upright long enough to cook a meal let alone sweep my kitchen floor or do the pots & pans. Hell, at this point I can barely drag my ass into the shower to be presentable. I want to do my job, I want to not feel like this, but I also want to not risk passing the fuck out for 3-4 hours in the middle of my shift because I finally hit a break and sat still for more than a minute.
@too-old-for-this If it helps you to know this, you're not alone. I had COVID in the summer, and I have never experienced exhaustion like that. I don't even mean the severity of the exhaustion; I mean it changed how I experience exhaustion. Prior to COVID, physical exertion could make me too weak to continue, but it never made me sleepy. It did the opposite, keying up my nerves to make it hard to sleep. While I had COVID, though, the effort of coming downstairs from bed would be enough to send me into a nap in the recliner with nothing done.
@greenflashlight All that. Yes. Normally I would be exhausted but exhilarated at getting things done and jazzed up mentally. Now? I've begged off RP and flat out missed events because going to do the dishes took so much out of me I fell asleep.
That moment that I am literally tapping my fingertips together and clicking my nails as I think. It's a nervous habit. I have people in my circle and around my circle IRL and online that are not having a good time right now. No matter how removed from them I am, I can't help thinking if I've done something. Now. That might be fine, but here comes my stress.
My brain:
Do I ask them? What if I am the issue and I ask them and they didn't want me to. Then they feel harassed by me for asking even though I'm not sure if I'm the cause, but I could be the cause right? I mean it's possible. People say if you think its you, it must be you. So do I write them off and never talk to them again? I mean, I guess I sort of have to.
Also my brain:
But.. what if... hear me out. What if you are not the reason, but by not reaching out you are making them feel like you don't care? However, they aren't going to tell you that they feel this way they will wait for you to ask, but you arent asking because it could be you. How do you ask without asking? What if you are adding to their feelings of (insert issue here) because you aren't asking? Does this make you a bad person? You should really reach out.
Also my brain:
But.. wait for this.. what if you were originally right and it is you and you reaching out is resurfacing what they are feeling and....
Does anyone else do this? It's exhausting. Is this normal? Is this just me?
@rightmeow said in The ADD/ADHD Thread (cont'd from Peeves):
Does anyone else do this? It's exhausting. Is this normal? Is this just me?
I don't do exactly that, but something similar. Like, if people don't talk to me, I think it must be because they're tired of me and want me to leave them alone. Rationally, I know that's not true; they could just be busy, or distracted, or even having the kind of braingremlin day where they can't reach out and need a friend to do it for them. I argue with myself about it the way you do, but in my case, the belief that their silence is indicative of contempt is too deep-seated to budge, so rational thought gives up too early in the fight for me to get tired by it.
@greenflashlight hey that's me all the time... it's so fucking annoying.
@rightmeow It is not just you. You did nothing wrong.
"If you think it's you, it's you***"
*** Except in those with anxiety, as this condition may worsen with this treatment.
@GreenFlashlight I can't speak for others, but if I ever tire of you, or am just not in a mood to talk - I'll let you know. No subtext BS.
@wretched This is true, because our brains are chaos, so when the situation is chaos, it's like we're completely chill because we're used to this.
THIS.
So in life I'm pretty optimistic and bubbly. I feel like that's the word they use for controlled (?) chaos. When I get in an emergency situation, it's like my brain slows down but in reality I think I'm just processing everything and handling it. HOWEVER - when the emergency is over and I feel I'm in a safe place/everything is handled. I lose it then.
@rightmeow Yep. This. Because when it's over, your brain seems to go from 'normal' to Blender on high again. It's overwhelming.
@wretched So much this. My cleaning schedule is sporadic and haphazard. My budget is usually a tangle of creatively moving funds around between accounts to ensure everything gets covered. Remembering appointments is a nightmare as I'm either an hour+ early or forget it entirely.
But when my mom sliced her arm open installing storm windows, I was on the phone with 911 and letting them know what happened and where to go while applying a tourniquet to her arm... at 13. When she had to be rushed to the hospital two years later for ruptured ovarian cysts, same deal... packed her into the car and looked up the best way to get to the hospital and drove her down on my learner's permit.
Emergency situations are so much easier to deal with, requiring quick, decisive action for a relative short amount of time. Its one of the few times my body can keep up with my brain as the adrenaline dump lets me act at the speed of my thoughts.
Rando thought of the day. (Okay, okay, one of them) If I had my ADHD properly medicated, would I stop having a constant stream of music in my head??
@macha Not in my experience. >_>
@wretched I mean, I'm a music addict, so I was just wondering. I think I might miss it. Most of the time
I am medicated and still have a lot of musical thoughts.
Does everybody not have a soundtrack in their head? Is this actually an ADD thing?? wat?
