Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff
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@silverfox This is unfortunately a very common problem among people with various chronic illness and disability issues. The core of it is often that people grow bitter about all that they are missing out on -- having a life in the conventional sense, being able to go where they want to go, do what they want to do, hold a job, have children, whatever it is that they cannot do. They see others who can get help -- and feel fundamentally cheated.
It's a bad mentality to get into, because who are you going to argue with over it? Disability and/or chronic illness is not a competition. But because aid is often scarce and takes one battle after another to get, ill and/or disabled people often end up in the mindset that it is a battlefield where you are constantly forced to prove that you are sick enough to warrant helping.
Combined with the constant exposure to toxic positivity (don't let the disease rule your life! you can do what you want if you want it enough!) it is very easy to fall into this kind of honestly depression-adjacent mindset.
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Well. That option hurts my mother, and that, I am not willing to allow. (She won't allow him to go without care because she has convinced herself that his injury is ultimately her fault.) I'd rather deal with him being a closed minded dick-head who gets all his info from the internet because he never gets out than leave ALL his care on her aging shoulders.
Plus he is my brother, and I hope that in the heavens he will learn the error of his ways, even if he won't now.
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@silverfox said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
I hope that in the heavens he will learn the error of his ways, even if he won't now.
I mean, I find that this is rarely the case so long as there are no consequences for the undesirable behavior. People need incentive to change. If he can use his condition as leverage to keep his world at status quo no matter how awful he becomes, then there's no reason to self-regulate.
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Okay, well, I didn’t mean that you should stop taking him off your mother’s hands from time to time.
I meant that I would not by shy to show the error of his ways by removing his wheelchair battery and leaving him somewhere while you go do something else.
Or letting him spend some time on the ground for a bit.
Because cruelty is the point, right?
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@silverfox I'm with @Ganymede here. If he's gonna be a cockmonster to your Ma, maybe he needs a reminder he's not some cosmic gift to the world. Because of the Pandemic we let my jobless little brother stay with us for awhile (clarity: my wife did. I said he should sleep in the car he does not have. She wanted to be a good person or something.) So he stayed. Mind you, he'd already been staying with us for a year previous - then get gets bitchy with my wife one day and it comes down to: 'Move out, or I'mma drown you in a mud puddle.'
Some people just need a good kick in the taint as a reminder not to be cockgoblin.
The Center Cannot Hold.
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Well I finally got blood work done and found out why I have been feeling so low on energy that I sleep 10-12 hours a day (whilst having a full time job). Apparently? Vitamin D deficiency. Not the best news but at least it is something I can easily treat with pills, thanks job that has been in an office with no natural light!
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@packrat It's a fairly common thing. I have to take Vitamin D pills year round because my body is just not efficient at converting sunlight to it. It's a pain, but..
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@horrorhound said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
. If he's gonna be a cockmonster to your Ma
Woah - to be clear, he's perfectly fine to my mother. It's physically hard to care for him and my mother's getting old and frail-er. So caring for him multiple weekends in a row is wear and tear on her body she just can't do very well any more. So I'm happy to help there.
@L-B-Heuschkel I think hit it on the head. He jsut can't see that other people also need help - if they're not as disabled as he is, then they're not worthy of assistance.
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@silverfox said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
@L-B-Heuschkel I think hit it on the head. He jsut can't see that other people also need help - if they're not as disabled as he is, then they're not worthy of assistance.
This is something that we've dealt with with my oldest son. He's not physically disabled, but he has a number of mental/emotional disorders and was told by psychologist after psychologist that 'it wasn't his fault' that he was the way he was. Which is true but also very misleading. So rather than learning coping mechanisms for his various disorders, he spent a lot of his childhood believing that how he was, his behaviors and actions, was how he would always be and that he should just always be forgiven because that's how he is and its not his fault. They really kinda screwed him over by not clarifying better that while the disorders are not his fault but also that he has the ability to mitigate and control his actions/reactions, and that he should do so.
All of which is to say that I had to spend the better part of his teenage years trying to undo the damage of his younger years by showing him that even though he can't control the thoughts or feelings, he can combat and mitigate them through various means. But he still carries a level of... entitlement... about his disability that it seems like your brother shares. So I definitely sympathize with trying to correct a lifetime of thought paths and beliefs that are dismissive of and/or harmful to others.
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I've been pretty bummed out about not receiving proper mental healthcare due to what I perceive to be institutional biases.
And like, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm right. It's my credibility against the experts, who's gonna believe a self-professed crazy who thinks she knows better because Dr Google said so?
So I sat here thinking what to do. I tried contacting some other experts, who specialise in providing mental healthcare to the specific demographics targeted by these institutional biases, but they're all on double-crazy waiting lists and can't offer more than a 'maybe in 3 months, if you're lucky, and get your foot in the door then.'
Then I remembered that mental healthcare is all made up based on the stated, subjective and perceived feelings imperfectly bandied about between labelled crazy people and people who've made a living labelling crazy people. And that I can just cut out the middleman and skip straight to the hard science without having to worry about the institutional biases of the flawed individuals whose job is just to make their best educated guess.
So I'm off to get a bunch of scans of my brain. It's actually a lot cheaper than I thought it would be (cheaper than the junk assessment a psychiatrist gave me) and honestly I'm super excited. Who doesn't want pictures of their brain to gawk at?
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@kestrel said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
Who doesn't want pictures of their brain to gawk at?
"So that's what the squishy gray traitor in my skull looks like."
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@greenflashlight said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
@kestrel said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
Who doesn't want pictures of their brain to gawk at?
"So that's what the squishy gray traitor in my skull looks like."
You made me laugh on a sad day. Thank you.
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@too-old-for-this You're welcome. Want to talk about the sads?
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@greenflashlight Nah, there's nothing in particular making it a sad day, it just is.
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Ceterum autem censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
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People keep testing positive for Covid at my place of work. C-level is framing this as a great thing, because it's showing that their testing mandate is working, and we're removing people who are positive from the workplace.
While also refusing to slow the return to work measures, and refusing to increase work-from-home hours because 'we're safer than ever'.
Naturally, this is more positive Covid cases in the last month than we had all of last year.
Fucking exhausting.
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Hooray for us! We are accurately measuring the increasing spread of infection through our staff that we are creating by forcing people to expose each other to COVID!
Ceterum autem censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
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@solstice said in Health and Wealth and GrownUp Stuff:
But look at how effective our metric data are!
Joke's on them; Americans refuse to adopt the metric system.
