Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.
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@Auspice said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
we're all presented with garbage role models
My daughter’s role-models are Unikitty, Eliza Hamilton, and Queen Elsa. When she is old enough, Ellie will be added.
I think that the role-models are there. I grew up in love with Ellen Ripley.
At least Bumblebee gave us Hailee Steinfeld as Charlie instead of another Sam.
Hear, hear. But that screenplay was written by a woman. Shocker, I know.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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I never said they weren't there at all. I had some growing up. Ellen Ripley, Sarah Connor, Janeway... but the point is that it's not just men who are handed garbage people they're supposed to use as their audience model. Women get the same treatment.
And often in super successful enterprises.
And it sucks big time.
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Maybe this is part of my 'problem'. I never looked up to women (Other than my grandmother, who was a badass - but also was not a 'typical' woman, certainly not for her times). I didn't have a mother from 4 onwards - it was my older brother, and watching what he did. I mean, I guess I looked up to Princess Allura on Voltron a little, for refusing to sit back and just 'be a princess'.
I raged when my (much younger) sisters loved Twilight. It hurt me sooooo bad.
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I kind of had to. I had a mom and grandmother who were super insistent that I needed to prepare to be a proper Christian wife and that meant learning to cook and clean and wear dresses and makeup and be subservient to men-
I had to look for my role models elsewhere.
My mother literally told me once 'If you don't learn to cook, you'll never find a husband.' I did later learn to cook for myself but at the time my response was 'If someone only wants me for my ability to cook I DON'T WANT THEM'
ETA: considering my mother is incapable of keeping a house clean (not entirely her fault, her mother was super Type A and refused to even let her do her own laundry so she never developed even personal skill management in this regard) and is the worst cook I've ever personally known, I feel like she was probably the singular worst person to try teaching me these skills
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@Auspice My father cooked way better than my stepmother can. The problem was getting him to do it. Because of course, he believed he was the man of the house, and blah blah blah
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@Auspice My father once told me when I was 15 years old or so that I shouldn't have cut my hair short because the boys in my school wouldn't like it.
Given how many threats he had made of the 'dating my daughter' type, I looked him right in the eye and asked, "Daddy, do you really think I should make choices based on what the boys at school want me to do?"
The look on his face -- and the ensuing silence -- was priceless and I have not forgotten it to this day.
https://whatiswrongwith.me/Mia
There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's a stupid thing we say, cursing tomorrow with sorrow. -- Gogol Bordello -
My first female role model was my 7th grade girl scout leader, Dolly. Dolly worked in the bomb shop on base. Her husband was the dependent, not her. She took us primitive camping and canoeing with her hubby's boy scout troop. She took us to the rifle range to play with m16s. We did the obstacle courses with rubber rifles too. Luckily my parents were extremely inattentive at that time, so she was the first non religious non fake adult woman in my life who had the time to listen and see me.
That was followed up by one of the chaplain's wives and mom of one of my best friends the next base we were stationed. They were Episcopalian (an oddity in a sea of conservative baptists and shit like that). Mrs. Gilman wore her hair buzz cut short. She put a lot of challenging books in my hands and discussed them with me (and her daughters) so I wasn't just an isolated compulsive reader working my way through the base library. On base you could apply for permission to paint your house a different color but weren't supposed to especially as an officer'sfamily. Mrs Gilman did and we painted their house that summer /red/ in a sea of past gray and barf green. She argued with her husband at the dinner table. She was very very pushy on getting a college degree. Chaplain Gilman was the cook.
These two women are probably the only reason why I'm still alive since it took me awhile to escape my religion and the spousal abuse it set me up for in my first go around of marriage (yes they both knew this, but both are gone now).
I really never had a fictional character that held a candle to them. I've tried in my RL with different volunteer and vocational roles though to be someone that sees who needs to be seen but I'll never hold a candle to them either!
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@Aria said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@Auspice My father once told me when I was 15 years old or so that I shouldn't have cut my hair short because the boys in my school wouldn't like it.
Given how many threats he had made of the 'dating my daughter' type, I looked him right in the eye and asked, "Daddy, do you really think I should make choices based on what the boys at school want me to do?"
The look on his face -- and the ensuing silence -- was priceless and I have not forgotten it to this day.
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Being only in a tiny private school and then homeschooled, I was super isolated.
I wanted to do girl scouts! But my parents 100% bought the whole 'girl scouts will turn your daughter into a satanist lesbian' spiel and I wasn't even allowed around girls who were in girl scouts.
TV and books were my escape (in so many ways) and where I found the people I aspired to.
Saying the quiet parts out loud since 1996.
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@Auspice said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
girl scouts will turn your daughter into a satanist lesbian
Yeah, really dodged a bullet there.
/sHe/Him
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I honestly wish Daisy scouts were that interesting.
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Man I loved Girl Scouts. I didn't get as into it as might have served me better in terms of both life skills and padding my college resume with higher-level ranks, but it was always an oasis of sanity and cool trips/crafting projects amid a somewhat blargh home life. Would recommend! Also the cookies are awesome, though I was always mediocre at selling them.
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My oldest was THE BEST at cookies! Like a god damn maverick. She asked to bring her form into school for her kindergarten teacher to order a box of thin mints. When we picked her up that day I asked if she gave it to her teacher and she said, "Yep! And some other people!"
She'd sold like 67 boxes. IN A DAY. She ended up with nearly 500 by the time we were done.
But because of COVID all the prizes are delayed. Stupid COVID.
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@Quinn
Just mail me a form in the mail and I'll buy the entire nation's supply of Samoas from her.Ceterum autem censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
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@Ominous Oh do I have a treat for you--each Daisy Scout gets a website and you can just order them online and have them shipped to you! Cookie time next year even if we're quarantined we are hitting people up hard through email.
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@Tinuviel said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@Auspice said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
girl scouts will turn your daughter into a satanist lesbian
Yeah, really dodged a bullet there.
/sThe pull of the lesbian witches was too strong.
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Having a really light-hearted, fun, casual, jokey conversation about ordinary and not even passably problematic things.
Some rando butting in: I see you are all talking about things that make you happy. Let me tell you about the sadness that plagues my life and why I myself could never experience such happiness as you are currently enjoying. It all began when I was a small child ...
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@Kestrel said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
Having a really light-hearted, fun, casual, jokey conversation about ordinary and not even passably problematic things.
Some rando butting in: I see you are all talking about things that make you happy. Let me tell you about the sadness that plagues my life and why I myself could never experience such happiness as you are currently enjoying. It all began when I was a small child ...
Oh, so you know my mother too?
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@Quinn said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
@Ominous Oh do I have a treat for you--each Daisy Scout gets a website and you can just order them online and have them shipped to you! Cookie time next year even if we're quarantined we are hitting people up hard through email.
You provide the link. I provide the cheddar.
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@Kestrel said in Real World Peeves, Disgruntlement, and Irks.:
Having a really light-hearted, fun, casual, jokey conversation about ordinary and not even passably problematic things.
Some rando butting in: I see you are all talking about things that make you happy. Let me tell you about the sadness that plagues my life and why I myself could never experience such happiness as you are currently enjoying. It all began when I was a small child ...
I have recently been acquainted with a person like this. I really just want to give her a Personal Raincloud code object.
Fuck, man.
