Dear IT Help Rep --
I don't mind you calling over one of your co-workers to help you with my ticket even though I have to sit on hold while you figure out where he, and half his team, went. I realize it's a weird problem and a pain in the ass, which is why I had to call you instead of being able to fix it myself using the available tools. However, please inform him that your microphone does not have an immutable sound barrier on it blocking out everyone's voice but yours, and I can in fact hear him talking about me in the background. Including when he insisted that I was "calling about nothing and just keeping you from lunch", right up until this supposedly "impossible" issue happened for the sixth time as he was looking over your shoulder at the remote view of my desktop.
Sincerely,
Aria
PS -- Thank you again for repeating the message when I said, "Please tell Noel that I can hear him, and also that I said I told you so." I hope the look on his face was as priceless as the gagging noise I heard. By the sounds of your muffled laughter, it was.