My first female role model was my 7th grade girl scout leader, Dolly. Dolly worked in the bomb shop on base. Her husband was the dependent, not her. She took us primitive camping and canoeing with her hubby's boy scout troop. She took us to the rifle range to play with m16s. We did the obstacle courses with rubber rifles too. Luckily my parents were extremely inattentive at that time, so she was the first non religious non fake adult woman in my life who had the time to listen and see me.
That was followed up by one of the chaplain's wives and mom of one of my best friends the next base we were stationed. They were Episcopalian (an oddity in a sea of conservative baptists and shit like that). Mrs. Gilman wore her hair buzz cut short. She put a lot of challenging books in my hands and discussed them with me (and her daughters) so I wasn't just an isolated compulsive reader working my way through the base library. On base you could apply for permission to paint your house a different color but weren't supposed to especially as an officer'sfamily. Mrs Gilman did and we painted their house that summer /red/ in a sea of past gray and barf green. She argued with her husband at the dinner table. She was very very pushy on getting a college degree. Chaplain Gilman was the cook.
These two women are probably the only reason why I'm still alive since it took me awhile to escape my religion and the spousal abuse it set me up for in my first go around of marriage (yes they both knew this, but both are gone now).
I really never had a fictional character that held a candle to them. I've tried in my RL with different volunteer and vocational roles though to be someone that sees who needs to be seen but I'll never hold a candle to them either!