Oh, Humanity
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@derp said in Oh, Humanity:
@ominous said in Oh, Humanity:
Who the fuck puts ketchup or lettuce on a cheesesteak?
WHO THE FUCK PUTS KETCHUP OR LETTUCE ON A CHEESESTEAK?!
Paging @Aria to give her opinion on this as someone from Philly.
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We give you the gift of cheesesteaks and this is what you people do with it.
https://whatiswrongwith.me/Mia
There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's a stupid thing we say, cursing tomorrow with sorrow. -- Gogol Bordello -
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Okay, first story. Short and sweet. Well, not exactly sweet...
I worked at a Borders bookstore in the local mall, back in the mid-90's. The store had a Kid's Section, mostly the pre-Kindergarten and Dr. Seuss sort of books. One day, the manager on duty asks me to go clean up the Kid's Section. Nothing unusual about that since the area was frequented by soccer moms bringing in their toddlers for a break from mall cruising.
I get there and start re-shelving books. And then, I see it. A white plastic fabric package, neatly folded, lying on the floor...
Someone had changed their baby's diaper, in the Kid's Section, and just left it on the floor.
Nothing for me to do about it besides break out the cleaning gloves and trash bag from the employee restroom in the store and dispose of it. Also, closed off the Children's section and used about half a bottle of disinfectant on the carpet there.
More retail stories, coming...
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@23quarius said in Oh, Humanity:
@il-volpe Ohhhh. Okay. I just know Superporn is a Thai name. So Super_____ I thought "mmmaybe it's an unfortunate Thai name?"
You need to talk to Mr. Phuk Mae Dong.
Real name, yo.
Not really a bad humanity thing, but nothing beats the day I had a gentleman with the last name 'Batman' (pronounced bhat-mahn) as a client.
Because when Batman files a summary judgment motion, you listen.
“It is better to live doing the things that you like. It is foolish to live within this dream of a world seeing unpleasantness and doing only things that you do not like.” -- Yamamoto Tsunetomo.
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@ganymede said in Oh, Humanity:
Because when Batman files a summary judgment motion, you listen.
Annnnnd now I wanna know why Batman needed a lawyer but I know you can't say and that's gonna torture me forever DAMN YOU GANYMEDE.
Racism isn't Tinkerbell. It doesn't need you to believe in it for it to exist.
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@derp said in Oh, Humanity:
@ganymede said in Oh, Humanity:
Because when Batman files a summary judgment motion, you listen.
Annnnnd now I wanna know why Batman needed a lawyer but I know you can't say and that's gonna torture me forever DAMN YOU GANYMEDE.
I mean Batman isn't exactly an law-abiding citizen...
- He who takes offense when not intended is a fool. He who takes offense when intended is a greater fool.
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@arkandel said in Oh, Humanity:
@derp said in Oh, Humanity:
@ganymede said in Oh, Humanity:
Because when Batman files a summary judgment motion, you listen.
Annnnnd now I wanna know why Batman needed a lawyer but I know you can't say and that's gonna torture me forever DAMN YOU GANYMEDE.
I mean Batman isn't exactly an law-abiding citizen...
Yeah but he's rich and white and a dude. He's basically invisible to police. That's why nobody ever figures out that Bruce Wayne is Batman even though it doesn't take rocket science to puzzle that one out.
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Man, I don't wanna spam this thread, but I do have some odd stories after like a decade in the service industry. The last one I'll share for now is the Tale of Mistaken Identity.
Back in college, I worked at a Walgreens that had (for reasons I'm sure made sense to them) a pretty consistent population of homeless people in the parking lot. For the most part they were easy going and didn't bother anybody, so management didn't do much about them, and it was just a Thing about working there.
I had a coworker who had a really dry sense of humor that I got along with really well, and we always liked to make up ridiculous scenarios, so when he came in one day and said the police were looking for me, I thought he was joking. But nope, two officers came back and brought me outside.
Another important background detail was that my sister and I were going to the same college, which was a day's drive from our hometown, and in the winter if she was going back to visit we'd swap cars since mine was a little sturdier. Hers had lots of little pink decorations and flowers and things in it that indicated a woman owned it, I guess, and we'd swapped before that day so I had driven it to work.
Anyway, outside, the cops had custody of an old homeless woman, and at the sight of me she just flew into a screaming rage. "You filth! You philanderer! You fucking brown-eyed Huguenot!" (Being the weirdest thing I had ever been called, I looked it up afterwards, and apparently Huguenots were 16th century French Protestants. THE MORE U KNOW)
The cops asked if I knew her, which I did not. I'd never even seen her in the parking lot before. They led me over to my sister's car, where the lady had climbed up on the engine hood and, according to witnesses, used her wedding ring to carve "BITCH" into the metal in huuuuuuuge letters.
There wasn't much the cops could do other than hold the lady for a day, which I wasn't interested in. I just kind of felt bad for her, so they let her go, and I got to have a very strange phone call with my sister, who thought I was joking. (Of course.)
The funniest part of the story I guess is that my sister is like, a living and breathing saint. She's one of the sweetest people I know. But since we were both poor-ass students, she kinda just let the damage go for a while and drove around with BITCH carved into the hood of her car, to the bafflement of everyone who knew her.
^_______^
(@_____@)
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@aria Don't look at me. Steak and cheese whiz or it ain't happening. Eeeeeeeevery now and then I get wild and adds mushrooms.
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@Aria I have to ask since it seems you are a Philadelphian:
Is it acceptable to put peppers of any kind on a cheesesteak? Better yet, what are the acceptable optional toppings for a cheesesteak?
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Story Number two, in escalating retail dumbfarkery...
Used to work for a local Sears in their hardware department. Now, for those that don't know, Sears had the Craftsman tool line, with the hand tools (non-powered) having a lifetime guarantee. Craftsman hand tool breaks, bring it into a Sears store and exchange it for a new one. That's the way it was for 100 years, seriously.
Anyways, because people always try to game a system, there were 'recyclers', who would go around job sites, find broken tools that has been lost or discarded, bring them in to get replacements under the warranty, then sell the new tools at flea markets.
At first, this wasn't really a huge problem. The company just put it down as a cost of doing business. But, when I started at Sears, we had this local guy that would come in every few months with a pair of 5 gallon buckets filled with broken tools for exchange. Mostly sockets and ratchets. Whoever had to deal with him was stuck for at least an hour, sorting through the tools, sifting out was wasn't under warranty due to rust or obvious abuse, then getting the replacements and ringing the whole exchange up.
Well, about a year or so into my tenure, corporate had decided they'd had their fill of guys like this. So, there was a wording change in the warranty: we no longer had to give a new tool in exchange, but instead gave out refurbished tools. Now, this didn't cause as much outrage among the customer base as you might expect. Because we were now refurbishing ratchets from the 1950's with new mechanical part, which the collectors were very excited about. What it did do is piss off the recyclers. And boy, was our local guy mad when we told him.
Dude threw an absolute fit in the store, yelling and swearing at us. Not acting aggressive enough for security to get involved, but he was really close to the line. So. He dumped his bucket of tools on the counter. Went through them with me one by one, slamming each one down and snearing 'How about this one? Do I get a new tool?'
That was just an hour of pure retail schadenfreude.
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@misterboring said in Oh, Humanity:
@Aria I have to ask since it seems you are a Philadelphian:
Is it acceptable to put peppers of any kind on a cheesesteak? Better yet, what are the acceptable optional toppings for a cheesesteak?
You can put peppers of varying kinds on a cheesesteak, for sure, but bell peppers are traditional. Onions are more common. I, personally, prefer mushrooms. But, like.... that shit they showed in Creed and the Binging with Babish videos on it? Fuck that monstrosity. It's definitely not a Philly cheesesteak.
There's a particular art to cooking a cheesesteak, both in technique and ingredients, that I can very much go into at the drop of a hat. It mostly involves the right bread, knowing what to do with that bread, and a very large spatula. Working at a sandwich shop that makes high volumes of them is called 'slinging cheesesteaks' for a reason.
Long story short, though? Once you're about 40 miles outside of the city, the quality goes sharply downhill. And the further you go, the more repulsive they become. I once had one served to me in Indiana that was, like... chunks of beef in some kind of gravy-esque sauce? And I have no idea what that actually was, but it was an abomination. Cheesesteaks do not have sauce. Cheesesteaks do not need sauce. If your cheesesteak is dry enough that you feel like it needs sauce or condiments, it was made wrong.
Unless you're ordering a pizza steak and even that doesn't involve brown gravy.
PS - Pat's and Gino's are for tourists. Don't go there.
https://whatiswrongwith.me/Mia
There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's a stupid thing we say, cursing tomorrow with sorrow. -- Gogol Bordello -
Why did the woman do that? Was there a reason or was it the standard reason one encounters when dealing with many homeless individuals - some moon logic that only the homeless individual can make sense of?
Ceterum autem censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
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Your thoughts on Penn Station East Coast Subs, a nationwide chain out of Cincinnati? They're not traditional, being from Cincinnati and using provolone instead of wizz, but they're my favorite and I am curious how they stack up.
Ceterum autem censeo Carthaginem esse delendam
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@ominous said in Oh, Humanity:
Your thoughts on Penn Station East Coast Subs, a nationwide chain out of Cincinnati? They're not traditional, being from Cincinnati and using provolone instead of wizz, but they're my favorite and I am curious how they stack up.
Never had them, though provolone is an acceptable cheesesteak cheese. As is American cheese, which is just a very mild cheddar that tends to melt better than regular cheddar does. (Hence using American over cheddar for cheesesteaks.)
You need to use an appropriate amount of cheese slices to make it nice and creamy, though, otherwise it's just wasted potential.
https://whatiswrongwith.me/Mia
There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's a stupid thing we say, cursing tomorrow with sorrow. -- Gogol Bordello -
Are multiple kinds of acceptable cheese at once acceptable?
Like, can I do provolone and whiz at the same time?
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@misterboring said in Oh, Humanity:
Are multiple kinds of acceptable cheese at once acceptable?
Like, can I do provolone and whiz at the same time?
Most shops it's a choice of one of the three. Provolone and whiz sounds like it would be kind of weird because of the spices in whiz.
https://whatiswrongwith.me/Mia
There were never any good old days. They are today. They are tomorrow. It's a stupid thing we say, cursing tomorrow with sorrow. -- Gogol Bordello -
@aria i've put ranch on cheesesteak in the past and i have no regrets
