RL Anger

[Duntada]

I used to work in a group home for teens. Which meant selling axe all day every day.

When asked why they would do this most of the time they would reply "because girls like the smell."

I had to explain to each generation, if girls like the smell you should apply less of it. If they can smell it from across the room they have no reason to come any closer. They already get the scent they want with no need to interact with you. You apply just enough so that they can only smell it once they are in range to talk to you. This is for two reasons. One, they will associate talking with you with a positive stimulus, this will make them look forward to talking with you even if you aren't the best conversationalist, and secondly it makes it a draw to get them close enough to interact with you.

Sadly that worked better than trying to tell them women hate the smell, since that one they just would not believe.

[somasatori]

@mietze & @Duntada

I used to be a CNA in a nursing home, where often the women and men both would douse themselves in whatever cologne or perfume they had available to cover up the smell of ... to be frank, shit and piss. It wasn't pleasant for them, I'm sure, but it was understandable that they did it. Still, I felt a little bad for feeling a bit sick at the scent of floral explosion. When I got transferred to the Alzheimer's wing, this opposite was in effect.

When I worked as a social worker, I didn't really encounter much in the way of men or women dousing themselves with some sort of scent. However, the younger crowd (I worked as a child advocate attached to the Department of Justice's child support program) that came in with their disputes seemed to always have that 18-20 year old dude who was a walking Axe scent billboard at least once a day.

[dontpanda]

Know what I hate? - people who post all these "scientific" conclusions on social media (usually medical in nature) that urge us all to "get the facts" but then don't include a link or reference to the peer-reviewed journal in which these ground-breaking studies were published.

I want to smack those people. If I tried to pull that crap in a paper even in high school, I'd get a failing mark, and deservedly so. Assertion without evidence... smdh

[Lithium]

I hate supposed 24 hour restaurants who end up closing down for a couple hours every morning because 'Their systems are down' and always at the SAME TIME. You're clearly not a 24 hour restaurant you assholes, you're a 22 hour restaurant! Why are you always 'down' when it's my lunch break?!?!

[Duntada]

@Lithium
We have one of those here. Drives me nuts. Always closed for a few hours the same time every night. Still claims to be open but have never been able to order anything. If I can't get food you aren't open!

[mietze]

First real weird as in scaring me potential client contact. There seemed to be something off about the appointment request so I declined it. Then I got a message from one of my suite mates that there was a guy that came in asking about me (we are all appointment only) who also set off her red flag. But hadn't heard anything more until another appt request tonight where he disclosed he was this guy I met at a summer camp when I was 12 and he was 17, and he looked me up every few years and finally found me and wondered if I was that person (I am). My profession means I work a lot if evenings and weekends alone.

I think a lot of women understand why I feel a little sick. And if you're ever tempted to see an "old flame" who was the "most beautiful girl I'd ever met" and is the most wonderful memory all these years...sometimes it's kind of scary when you say that after all those other actions.

And as a cherry on top a player whose a hot mess of boundary violations and who made my life hell on a game for months and spread the toxin elsewhere is once more part of something that looks like us going to be pretty ICly/oocly antagonistic at a place I like.

I have the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach.

[Lithium]

@mietze comforts Been there... been there.

EDIT: Side note, I hate it how there is only thumbs up, or thumbs down sometimes. I want to be supportive, which would be a thumbs up. On the other hand it could be read as thumbing up the horrible things that @mietze is having to go through.

Dilemma.

[HorrorHound]

@Duntada said in RL Anger:

I live in California. We don't have enough water for showers every day. You have to accept that sometimes people are just going to smell in the summer.

Lazily floats on Lake George.

[Ganymede]

@mietze said in RL Anger:

I think a lot of women understand why I feel a little sick. And if you're ever tempted to see an "old flame" who was the "most beautiful girl I'd ever met" and is the most wonderful memory all these years...sometimes it's kind of scary when you say that after all those other actions.

A lot of men should understand as well.

That said, whatever happened to sending someone a nice, complimentary letter? In the age of e-mail, it's so much easier to do, and substantially less threatening.

[Arkandel]

@Ganymede said in RL Anger:

@mietze said in RL Anger:

I think a lot of women understand why I feel a little sick. And if you're ever tempted to see an "old flame" who was the "most beautiful girl I'd ever met" and is the most wonderful memory all these years...sometimes it's kind of scary when you say that after all those other actions.

A lot of men should understand as well.

That said, whatever happened to sending someone a nice, complimentary letter? In the age of e-mail, it's so much easier to do, and substantially less threatening.

Yeah, send a damn Facebook request like the rest of us, buddy! It's a whole lot less creepy than showing up at someone's workplace asking to see them after 15 years.

You know what the weird part is? Something like @mietze's story would could easily be a Hollywood romcom plot. Guy pines for that girl he met when he was a teenager after a streak of failed relationships and decides to reconnect with her? Aww, that's adorable, right? Right? Many of those movies if realistically examined involve a hell of a lot of stalking, not taking 'no' for an answer ("I'll never give up on you!"), showing up at unexpected times with big dramatic public gestures of affection and so on.

So not only are we not being taught to think there's something wrong with this kind of thing, we're actually being raised to think it's great. This guy may not even consider what he's doing is really bizarre and someone could be easily threatened by it, he probably thinks it's romantic and cute.

[Ganymede]

@Arkandel said in RL Anger:

You know what the weird part is? Something like @mietze's story would could easily be a Hollywood romcom plot.

Or a horror, thriller, or slasher movie.

If what you are about to do would only resound smartly in the romantic-comedy world, chances are that you shouldn't do it because it will be received with laughs or involve Katherine Heigl, two things that you ought to desperately avoid.

[mietze]

I mentioned women because yes, on the surface maybe a lot of people might think Awww what a nice/special thing, but I think it's mostly other women that might feel that twinge of assault alert if it actually happens to them. Maybe guys would feel scared in that way though, dunno.

And yeah, it's the couple of requests that are denied followed by weird visit that freaked out my suite mate where he refused to give his name and made her feel uncomfortable enough that she warned me in a email about some stranger looking/asking about me, and then this final letter last night revealing his identity.

Though in my case this would be showing up with all that stuff after 30 years. In case anyone was wondering, it's not romantic. I get FB messaged from old boyfriends now and then (it is a thing that people look up people they used to feel attached to, I've reconnected with a couple of junior high besties who have become solid friends again).

But something about this really creeps me out. still feel disturbed.

[HorrorHound]

@mietze said in RL Anger:

I mentioned women because yes, on the surface maybe a lot of people might think Awww what a nice/special thing, but I think it's mostly other women that might feel that twinge of assault alert if it actually happens to them. Maybe guys would feel scared in that way though, dunno.

And yeah, it's the couple of requests that are denied followed by weird visit that freaked out my suite mate where he refused to give his name and made her feel uncomfortable enough that she warned me in a email about some stranger looking/asking about me, and then this final letter last night revealing his identity.

Though in my case this would be showing up with all that stuff after 30 years. In case anyone was wondering, it's not romantic. I get FB messaged from old boyfriends now and then (it is a thing that people look up people they used to feel attached to, I've reconnected with a couple of junior high besties who have become solid friends again).

But something about this really creeps me out. still feel disturbed.

You need a snub .44, and also maybe an Order of Protection.

[Duntada]

Snub nose .44. The most noir of all guns.

[mietze]

Having had to get order of protection before it's not usually granted for people who show up at a business and send an email with no threat in it. You only have to pay $200 to get your ccw in my state (I have the license) but given the nature of my work, it's fairly useless in this regard. I did think about it setting up my practice as well as talking to many many others. It's comforting to think of cowboy ing up but to be brutally honest to creates more issues than it solves.

And having grown up comfortable with/around guns I'm not stupid enough to view them as a safety blanket, especially as a woman. But yeah, that's a common response to, to this work environment. Get a ccw, you'll be/feel safer. Except for you won't be.

[Derp]

@mietze said in RL Anger:

Maybe guys would feel scared in that way though, dunno.

I actually had a guy I knew 10 years ago show up where I work and start with the smalltalk. Wasn't no big thang. Dudes, we think in different ways, I think. I still hang out with that dude, we went and saw Batman v Superman this weekend.

[Coin]

@Derp said in RL Anger:

@mietze said in RL Anger:

Maybe guys would feel scared in that way though, dunno.

I actually had a guy I knew 10 years ago show up where I work and start with the smalltalk. Wasn't no big thang. Dudes, we think in different ways, I think. I still hang out with that dude, we went and saw Batman v Superman this weekend.

Did he show up specifically to find you?

Also, it's not so much "dudes think in different ways" as it is "society teaches dudes that inappropriate things are okay", which is what was being said above.

[Kanye Qwest]

Also, an order of protection does nothing but give the police a clear suspect/reason for arrest after you get assaulted or offed or what have you.

If asking nicely, not nicely, and insistently doesn't keep someone away from you, the odds of a piece of paper threatening legal action are not much more likely to help - at least, most evidence is pretty inconclusive. Also, violating a restraining order is (at least in many states) a misdemeanor no matter how many times it is violated.

[Arkandel]

@Coin said in RL Anger:

@Derp said in RL Anger:

@mietze said in RL Anger:

Maybe guys would feel scared in that way though, dunno.

I actually had a guy I knew 10 years ago show up where I work and start with the smalltalk. Wasn't no big thang. Dudes, we think in different ways, I think. I still hang out with that dude, we went and saw Batman v Superman this weekend.

Did he show up specifically to find you?

Also, it's not so much "dudes think in different ways" as it is "society teaches dudes that inappropriate things are okay", which is what was being said above.

It's also different on a physical level. Most guys either can take care of themselves - or at least think they can which for the purposes of being concerned amounts to about the same thing - if someone got weird.

For example I've lived in some iffy neighborhoods in the past, I never thought twice about going out in the dark to grab something from the convenience store or whatever. Or walking to a parking lot on my own, etc.

[Coin]

@Arkandel said in RL Anger:

@Coin said in RL Anger:

@Derp said in RL Anger:

@mietze said in RL Anger:

Maybe guys would feel scared in that way though, dunno.

I actually had a guy I knew 10 years ago show up where I work and start with the smalltalk. Wasn't no big thang. Dudes, we think in different ways, I think. I still hang out with that dude, we went and saw Batman v Superman this weekend.

Did he show up specifically to find you?

Also, it's not so much "dudes think in different ways" as it is "society teaches dudes that inappropriate things are okay", which is what was being said above.

It's also different on a physical level. Most guys either can take care of themselves - or at least think they can which for the purposes of being concerned amounts to about the same thing - if someone got weird.

For example I've lived in some iffy neighborhoods in the past, I never thought twice about going out in the dark to grab something from the convenience store or whatever. Or walking to a parking lot on my own, etc.

I have lived in some iffy neighborhoods and I have, though. I'm keenly aware I am not John McClane, man. I know that if someone comes at me from a dark corner my chances of surviving, let alone getting away unscather, are low. It's true that men are taught to be tough, but the real lesson they're taught is to believe they are tough. But we're not. Not really. Not in general. And I say this as someone who has gotten into his fair share of fights and can hold his own in a fist-fight. It doesn't matter. Once the piper or whatever hits you in the head, you're probably fucked, and that can happen to anyone.

Ill intent doesn't discriminate; it's just that society has also taught men that women are weak, either by telling them that they should be protected at all costs because they are special, fragile creatures; or by telling them that they can overpower them and get what they want because women are essentially commodities.

I sense this conversation veering back to previously heated subjects, so I will not quietly stop.