RL Anger
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@HelloProject Yeah, I don't have any practical tips whatsoever on how to deal with that besides maybe checking out this link with general guidelines and state-by-state contact info? But....
It is super not okay. This is a person who had access to you during a particularly vulnerable state and the ability to take advantage of the power dynamic that results from the patient-therapist relationship. The fact that he waited until exactly when it would no longer be illegal to contact you does not speak to any sort of respect for reasonable boundaries. It speaks to knowing exactly where the line is, deliberately manipulating that professional knowledge to cover his own ass, and putting in the advanced planning to get away with it.
That is straight up predatory behavior. Do not, under any circumstances, let any make your question your squicked-out feelings right now. Your gut is 100% right.
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@HelloProject said in RL Anger:
So, my ex-therapist tracked down my Twitter (as I have a google info box due to releasing my music through a distributor, so google is like "Wait are you famous?"), after exactly two years when it would no longer be illegal for him to contact me. And then, after I had to figure out who he was, he confessed that he always was attracted to me. I always had weird vibes and like some things he'd say and the way he'd make physical contract with me kept feeling very inappropriate, which is a part of why I left. But then when he tracked me down today (literally this was like an hour ago), he said all kinds of wildly and blatantly inappropriate stuff.
So yeah I'm incredibly emotionally shook.
As a professional counselor and a trainer of counselors, I'm terribly sorry. This person is acting unethically in every possible way, and I encourage you - if you can - to report them to their local professional licensing board for an inappropriate dual relationship. For just about every type of therapist, attempting to initiate a relationship with a client is strongly discouraged no matter how long it's been since the therapeutic contact, so even if it's not illegal, it probably will be against the ethical practices of the local licensing board, particularly since the person sought you out against your will.
If you don't feel comfortable, that's understandable, but unfortunately inappropriate dual relationships are one of the most common ethical complaints against therapists. Your experience, I hate to say, is not as uncommon as it should be.
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Thanks for all the advice. This shit really fucked my head today and I had to tell as many people as I felt comfortable telling.
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@HelloProject it's understandable! It may kind of make things disorienting (that's not the right word really but it's what comes to mind) for awhile when you have had unwelcome and unsolicited contact like that from someone who has already crossed boundaries before. For me at least there were several cycles of emotion before I could really process, but everyone is different. I am really glad you found support here too.
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@HelloProject WTF, totally not OK! Is he registered? Let them know. Leave him feedback on his advertising. Tell him to go and DIAF
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Finding out the specialist you went to was so focused on talking to you about a health issue that was actually not the reason why you went there meant that they declined to mention some significant findings and then instead of calling you just added it to your health record as if it were discussed.
My primary doctor obviously has been monitoring things to messaged me to find out how things were going and referencing the finding. That's how I found out and saw the addition to my record.
I was already planning on communicating with the specialist's office about some concerns I had with the way I was treated, but this just ironically has me feeling pretty depressed and like it's not worth the time to do so, and honestly I worry about retaliation.
So I guess it's looking for a new doctor/medical group, though I really like my primary care doc, who is wonderful. I'm not sure I feel safe with the specialist group in this medical group though.
And boy does it really give me a good view of how likely I am to get adequate treatment for covid if things get hairy.
Downer day for me.
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@mietze Can your primary reroute you to a different specialist?
"If you stand for nothing Burr, what will you fall for?"
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@Cupcake luckily I pick my own, and will. It is pretty exhausting though and bringing back some medical trauma that has blindsided me a bit emotionally. (I had some medical care negligence many years ago that had some significant health impacts to me as well as almost leading to the death of one of my newborn twins, took about 5 years of intense therapy to be able to deal with the PTSD around that. This is a VERY different situation and nowhere near as severe, it's rather mundane and run of the mill for people who are fat, really,but for some reason it is triggering those emotions/memories like whoa. I'm thinking because of all the external unrelated stress.)
I am feeling vulnerable. I loathe feeling vulnerable. But I know it will pass.
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@Cupcake luckily I pick my own, and will. It is pretty exhausting though and bringing back some medical trauma that has blindsided me a bit emotionally. (I had some medical care negligence many years ago that had some significant health impacts to me as well as almost leading to the death of one of my newborn twins, took about 5 years of intense therapy to be able to deal with the PTSD around that. This is a VERY different situation and nowhere near as severe, it's rather mundane and run of the mill for people who are fat, really,but for some reason it is triggering those emotions/memories like whoa. I'm thinking because of all the external unrelated stress.)
I am feeling vulnerable. I loathe feeling vulnerable. But I know it will pass.
Ahhh, yes. The "everything medically wrong with you is because you're fat" experience.
I know that one well and it absolutely infuriates me. My favorite was probably the time I must've broken my foot because I'm fat. No, fucker. I broke my foot because I'm a clumsy dumbass and fell down a set of concrete stairs. I also don't have depression/anxiety/C-PTSD because I'm fat. Or allergies because I'm fat. Or migraines because I'm fat. How about we just assume I weigh whatever it is you're going to tell me I'm supposed to weigh and start our treatment from there, cause I also had all of these problems when I weighed less and exercised three hours a day/six days a week, thanks?
In short, I'm really sorry you're going through this @mietze . The bias that fat people and women both face when seeking treatment for literally anything is well-documented and it is bullshit. You deserve better. And you have every right to tell them that.
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Tomorrow I call my endrocrinologist and tell her that while I understand the need for me to come in and get blood work done,
- I don't give a fuck what her stance on telemedicine is, because
- there's a deadly pandemic going around, and
- if she keeps bitching at me about coming in in person I'll fucking fire her as my doctor and find someone else to give me spironolactone.
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Running community group media is HELL.
Someone: Can we message all the people from the old page?
Me: No because creepy
Someone: But they liked the page, and surely want contact.
Me: No, most people don't...
Someone: Can we at least signpost them to the new page?
Me: Like this post I put up two days ago? I'll pin it to the top.
NewSomeone: Can we put up a post to tell them about the new page?
Me: .... like this one I shared here two minutes ago?
NewSomeone: Yes! Can we pin it to the top of the page.
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@JinShei -
Someone: Lots of people don't like this thing that is happening. Two random people told me.
Me: What about the hundred others who didn't say anything so presumably like it or don't mind?
Someone: Yeah but these two people... -
@LWhiskey Also:
Someone who is retired: We need to do these five things (meaning JinShei and JinDaughter need to do these things)
I'll just fit it in between my full-time job, coping with the pain because the weather changed again, being anxious bout dying from the plague because of our government, dealing with demands to get our organisational infrastructure in place, organising policies whilst bickering about which ones we need, and dealing with the two wankers who are bickering. Oh and marking. Marking season, so my calendar is full of anxious students who actually do need and deserve my attention.
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Someone who is retired: We need to do these five things (meaning JinShei and JinDaughter need to do these things)
Someone who is retired: We need to do these five things (meaning JinShei and JinDaughter need to do these things)
My response to these sorts of people: "That's an excellent idea! Thank you so much for volunteering. I'll let everyone know to direct anyone with questions about those five things to you."
Folks tend to back down real fast.
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This isn't an irk, and anger is a much better fit.
The mental health crisis in this country is downright terrifying.
That it's led to people being taken in by dangerous conspiracy theories and all manner of grift throughout the pandemic is not just scary, but tragic on an incredible scale.
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I swear to god if ONE MORE PERSON in this industry tells me to “go make some moves then” when I express frustration over how nothing is happening, I’m going to lose it.
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I make things via patronage.
The Long Dig -
One of my teacher friends was told by her admin that if she couldn't handle this year they would just find someone who would. Makes you realize your worth.
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@silverfox Makes you almost wish no one ever applies for that job.
http://keys.aresmush.com -- Come to Chincoteague, we have ponies.
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@L-B-Heuschkel In Wisconsin we're having a tough time finding teachers. I'm lucky my administration has our back and is understanding of all of this craziness.
I also believe they get that the pool of teachers has dwindled significantly in recent years (due to some stuff in our state) and we're now reaching the bottom of the barrel.
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@tangent I mean, this is obviously not good. Scraping the bottom of the barrel never is. But if it makes a few people higher up the food chain realise that perhaps paying teachers decent wages and giving them decent work conditions, it's not bad either. The process to get there, though.
