cw: sexual assault
I've been preparing myself for the last couple of months to do something for myself, something that I feel strongly will help me heal from literally years of carrying around trauma and going through therapy.
I'm going to name the person who assaulted me in a public forum, where people we mutually knew will be able to see it.
I've thought long and hard about it. I've talked with my therapist about it, at length. I've talked to trusted friends who knew me from that time as well as more recently. It's like a weight that I've carried all my life, and I'm always going to carry it, but I've decided that it doesn't have to be so heavy. I'm not doing it to get back at him in any way, I'm doing it for me. I'm doing it because I want to put the facts in front of people we both know, and let them deal with their own responses to it. It's time for other people to sit with these facts and decide how they feel about it.
I've braced myself for what may come. Hopefully, people will believe me. It's probable that they won't. I'm not going to be the first woman who has named her assaulter only to not be believed. I feel I've prepared myself to that. And if there's no response from anyone at all? I'm prepared - I'm okay with that, too. Because I will have done everything I can at this point in my life to free myself of the weight. I don't have to feel like I'm hiding something anymore, and I don't have protect him out of some misguided belief that I'm making things easier for others by doing so. I'm not doing this for others, I'm doing this for me.