@faraday Well I think the idea is that nobody would go to a movie where the main character wins every interaction. So what I think we're grasping for is "how can we tell better stories," how can we do a lot more "yes, but" and "no, and" and "no, but" when what many players mostly want is "yes, and also yes."
The question may be less about failure and more about "how can we get players to feel safe enough to engage in the ups and downs that will allow us to tell richer stories."
But not everyone is there for the same thing. I was shocked to realize a whole swath of players don't really give a fig about telling stories, they're after something else. So you're just not going to create a universal solution here. You can offer tools, you can set an example, you can find your people who like telling the same sorts of stories you like telling, but you're not going to get a pure wish fulfillment player to enjoy taking the beat down or to want to, you're not going to get the pure relationship-RP player to even want to go disarm the bomb in the first place or pay attention to it.
It's sort of like...uh...well the best analogy I can come up with is running a daycare. You can set up a bunch of stations and put a bunch of toys on the floor and the kids are going to run and go play with what suits them. You might love coaching kids through art projects, but there is no art-project method you can employ to make the kid who only wants to play with the fake food day in and day out come over and try out the tempura paint, and if you try to make that kid do that the kid is going to complain bitterly the entire time that they're being made to do something that's not fun. You might as well just let that kid enjoy their fake food bliss, keep an eye on them, and then go right on running the art lesson.