I have twins.
My kids love my partner, but she's a total sap to them. When I get home, she's exhausted, and complains about how they ran her ragged. However, neither my mother nor I seem to have any problems with their behavior -- from feeding to incessant whining.
I have struggled to come up with a theory for this. Were it just me, I could chalk it up to my kids treating me like a hovering police officer, which is essentially how I treat them most of the time. My mother, however, showers them with more attention than any reasonable human should ever bear (which means she doesn't give a shit about me, which is awesome). The only conclusion is that my partner refuses to set hard boundaries -- but I only can surmise this from my observation of her.
The problem may be that my partner wants the kids to love, adore, and worship her. And I'm beginning to think that this is a bad thing.
I don't need to be loved, adored, or worshipped, least of all from my children. My role is to raise them. It is, perhaps, the teacher in me (and, yes, I am a certified teacher in addition to whatever the shit I do during the day) that keeps that distance. I'm not sure. But I believe strongly in my defined role, and see little wrong with being no more than that.
If I must be the bad person, I will. If I have to be the stern face of reasonable expectations, so be it. Someone has to be. And, so, I have no problem looking kids in the eyes -- not their parents -- and telling them that their shit is unacceptable.
If their parents have a problem with that, they can remove their chattel from my sight and hearing. Striking "the fear of God" means allowing them to stare into what I imagine to be God's eyes: namely, my hard, cold, unerring gaze.