Posts made by kk

I think one of the most common (and global game effecting) toxic factors on mushes is when a large group with power/influence starts to defend things as being the terf/right etc of people within such group or on good terms with such group and starts to /other/ people who are not liked by the group or who are outside the group. The othering can come with being blacklisted/stonewalled/bullied and etc.

This can include thinking that certain ic positions, titles, plots and etc belong to certain players and that other players should not have access to them and if they do have access or pursue such they are somehow taking from the players who deserve such more.

Once someone talked on a public channel about wanting their character to be a demon hunter and was immediately jumped on by people going no that this the domain of so and so and it would be ooc wrong of you to ic pursue to that because that plot is the property of so and so. The person jumping on this person had great influence on the game and the person they said demon hunting should be reserved for was their good ooc friend was in with their powerful group. The person who was saying they would like to pursue being a demon hunter was outside the group and not liked by the powerful people on the game. I have seen this time and time again. If someone in their group had said they wanted pursue that the response would probably would have been completely different.

That plot belongs to so and so.
There are limited people I can take, so I will take five characters played by my ooc friends.
They don't deserve such because they are too new, didn't work as hard and etc.
If you take my character on this, I will have my alt bring your character on their next thing.
So and so might feel hurt and quit the game if they don't get such and such. You pursuing such and such plot line is wrong and hurting that person ooc.
Everyone thinks this plot should belong to such and such.
Everyone will dislike you if you run for such and such title.
Oh your character has violet eyes and white hair like mine? Clearly you are copying so and so in our group and its not right.
We don't need a healer xyz is already the healer and they been around longer than you. In fact you are ass for even making a healer in the first place.

Etc, etc.

Generally the people reserving things for their group sincerely believe they are doing a good thing. They see how hard their friends work for things. They feel like /others/ are stepping on toes. They look at rp and plot as limited rather than expansive. As someone else getting involved will take away a slot from one of their friends, not as in roleplay and increased involvement of others creating more rp and story for the game at large.

One person being insecure and defensive about their plot can be annoying, but generally doesn't wreck a game. However I noticed that some mushers can be even more intense in their plot-hording, bullying and etc when they feel something is being taken from the friend than from themselves. Sometimes people can get very intense and passionate when defending friends. A group of people who are defensive about things belonging in group can be seriously damaging to a game, especially if they are playing multiple high powered characters with positions across spheres/factions/house etc. It can be this way even if staff are decent.

I am not sure what the answer is, but I think limiting people to one alt with a big title could help reduce one group dominating the powerful positions. I also think that rewards for bringing different players who are outside one's group into plots/scents etc could be helpful. I also that allowing a character to be close/allies with only one alt per player. So it is not like all the alts of players in a certain ooc group are allies with all the alts of the those same players and etc. And I think that people should be limited to have one alt hate/dislike/go against a certain character. To help prevent the this group doesn't like me ooc so all their alts are jerks to me effect.

But then I think that awareness helps too. For people to be aware of this and not surrender to a powerful group, but at same time to keep their cool and calm.

And also speaking of Covid in December. Post Covid I was still short of breath and weak for a while.

Pre covid I used to run up and down 4 flights of stairs, down and then back up when I needed something from another floor and was fine. Post Covid I couldn't do that any more and had to wait for the slow elevator even if I was just going down one flight.

Then the other day another nurse was like gets go get the new mattress downstairs together and bring it up. And he goes to the stairs..and I was thinking eep, but I don't want to share that I am weak! So I went down the stairs and tired, no shortness of breath!

I can run and own the stairs again while breathing normally, yay! I have been back to the stairs all the time!

I got the Pfizer shot. I had Covid in December, but my work, my doctor, the health dept still wanted me to vaccinate because of the nature of my work and etc. Most of my co workers and patients also got the pfizer. I had both doses.

I got very sick both times with a fever, muscle aches, bone aches, fatigue, extremely painful arm. Both times it resolved completely in about 48 hours. I seen lots of people vaccinated and some didn't quite as sick as me, but I a very reactive type of person with allergies and autoimmune issues. It seems to vary a lot in how it goes for people.

Some people had no symptoms after the shots, some had just arm pain, some had a mild fever, aches and a headache. Some felt pretty sick. Symptoms seem to resolve in 24-48 hours and be the worse about 12-24 hours after the shot. The second shot had some sicker than the first shot, but for those who had covid, the first shot was the worse.

I haven't seen any serious adverse reactions, but that doesn't mean they don't happen. It just means I haven't seen it.

Also none of this is official medical advice and everyone look at their own situation and speak to their Doctor.

I do think when possible it is a good idea to take the day off from work the day after one gets the Covid vaccine, but of course that is easier said than done and I had to work the day after the vaccine.

I was super nervous about getting the shot and didn't want it. I was like I already had Covid. But then I came to the decision that because of my job I am morally obligated to take the vaccine and reduce the chance that I could carry a Covid variant to my patients and the like. I am glad I got it and the temporary feeling like crap was worth it.

Also I feel like the vaccine is working in that my job has been covid free since everyone has been vaccinated and we did have one floor that didn't have a covid outbreak before the vaccine and they have yet to have an outbreak. Now, of course it is not going to work 100 percent of time, but it is looking good in terms of being helpful.

I have been really wanting to return to Arx, but it has been super slow going for me and my plans to return and have time to play generally fall apart. I even rudely fell asleep on someone while trying to play the other day. They were very kind and understanding about it.

I am working right now in a facility that is a wonderful place of healing and redemption. It is my favorite nursing job ever. We are covid free, which is absolutely wonderful. We did have a huge outbreak, but are through such. The department of health has cleared us to take patients again and we are taking patient's with a history of homelessness and mental illness who got noticed due to the covid outbreak. They got covid were sent the facility that is not covid free and is taking covid patients and then were sent to us when they are through it. One good thing that came out of covid is the needs of some of the homeless in the county were I work are being noticed more often and addressed. Some people post covid have long covid and prolonged help which means there can be an ongoing need for medical help in those who have had covid.

Anyways because of the nature of were I work which is considered a very intense nursing setting and a somewhat dangerous place to work combined with the nationwide nursing shortage, even while covid free we are very short staffed and have a hard time even hiring agency and travel nurses willing to work there. We are super busy with new admissions - getting them settled in and managed and on the unit that is right for them and etc. I worked the covid unit when we had covid and now I am working the unit with the admissions as they are quarantining for 14 days and using our covid rooms. The state has us doing 14 day isolation even if they just had covid. Its isolation whenever one moves facilities regardless.

What this all means is that I am still working a lot of hours. Not for the money, not because I want to. I want a break, but because I feel like if I don't, nobody else will. The regular nurses and CNAs there are all busting ass. Nursing management is working the floor already. Agency is telling them no and working instead what is considered more desirable settings.

I say what is /considered/, because I love where I work. To me it is the most desirable setting - because we are helping those who need such the most and because there is so much healing and heart there. Because leadership rolls up their sleeves and provides direct care, does whatever is needed to help our patients.

That being said, I am still working a ton of hours. I am trying to slowly come back when I can. I am sorry if I ignored your pages, fell asleep, didn't come on a day when I said I might play. I can assure everyone I have talked that nothing in me being distant and distracted is personal. I am just so exhausted on my days off. I keep saying, I will be back, I will be back.

Then my days off come and I am like wow...I have a lot of laundry to wash. I am too sleepy to pose.

I might play today, but...I keep saying that and not doing it!

Anyways, thanks for reading and listening if you read all that long ramble.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2020/aug/11/lost-on-the-frontline-covid-19-coronavirus-us-healthcare-workers-deaths-database

https://khn.org/news/lost-on-the-frontline-health-care-worker-death-toll-covid19-coronavirus/

They are keeping a page for health care workers who died on the front lines.

I am thinking I might plan my spring garden. Which the fact that I can think about what to do while off work means I am doing much better!

I was working endless hours.
I came down with covid right before I was going to get vaccinated.
I was on the covid unit running about trying to help people when I realized I couldn't breath very well myself. Covid rapid test was postive and I got quickly rushed off the floor, ended up in the ER and briefly in the hospital. They were controlling my fever with cool iv fluids. I did have a very high viral load paired with exhaustion though. I was working every day about 14 hours a day at the time I got it. I am home doing better. Resting lots. Planning to go back to work when my quarantine ends. Not sure if I will mush or not during my off time, taking it day by day.

thanks for the offer and thanks for listening.

I feel the need to vent about real life so comes here!

First of I spent forever on the phone with a friend who I had to tell about 20 times, no I cannot go anywhere. Not even church. Not to a tea party! As she asked me over and over again to go out and do things. I told about 20 times I am working a covid unit, I cannot go /anywhere/. And that it is because I care about her and my community that I won't, not because I don't care! I want to go, but it has to wait until I am sure I am not bringing the covid along with. But it was stressful, saying it again and again and it not sinking in.

Then on the other side, I have my mom, who is cowering in absolute fear, glued to CNN and who I found myself lieing to only because she would have panic attack if I told her the truth about how much covid I am around. Now I feel guilty for that, but I don't want to freak her out either. I am torn about telling the truth or not.

Second rant is that I just spent quite a bit of my own money to track down some n95 for my unit since we don't have enough. I am like grr give us more.

yeah states are basically fighting over nurses right now. Speaking of which will go and get my couple of hours of sleep before its back to the battle!

And there is not enough nurses to care for all the patient's there is right now. I just got home after my government provided replacement didn't show up and we had to scramble. A manager took over so I could get a few hours of sleep before tomorrow. At a certain point is just not enough nurses to care for everyone. I am working insane hours. So every person who stays home is lowering the burden on the medical system, which is about to break right now or at least it feels that way.

I would say a lot more about the situation right now, but I just don't have the words right now and I think I would get emotional and too intense real quick.

I hope your friend improves, Ghost and I am sorry to hear about her situation.

I am being tested three times a week as per instructions from the dept of health. We also have rapid tests that read in 15 mins that can taken whenever one feels they are getting symptoms. The rapid tests are not as accurate though. The next test we are doing is oral rather than nasal. This week I am getting 3 different kinds of covid tests.

And the gov issued blue plastic isolation gowns - they are sort of like wearing giant trash bags and/or one of those get skinny by sweating it off suits! I get so thirsty and hot wearing them. And then one combines it with all the other gear, I feel like I am wrapped up in bubble wrap and cannot breath.

On the other hand, I am glad we have supplies and wouldn't think of not wearing them!

I feel the pain of glasses and face mask. I have to wear a face through 18 hour shifts and I have to wear goggles over my glasses. I have terrible vision and with goggles over my glasses my vision is worse and I have to get my mask just right so it doesn't fog up.

Well there is going to be a vaccine soon! and I then I might start to work normal hours. Also excited for our community that was really hit hard with covid and my co workers who are all deeply exposed.

I am so blessed that after working like I have been, I get a little down time to recharge.

We had historic wildfires that was quite close to my work and home, blanketing everything in smoke and getting near enough where my job had to start thinking of possible evacuation plans, but also were it lead to staff calls off.

Then we got a historic for the time of year winter storm that dumped almost a foot of snow on us. It helped the fires - but lead to people who evacuated having to worry about not having winterized homes and lead to more calls off, including some people ended up in the ditch on the way to work. They were fine though.

At that same time we learned that some of nursing management were covid positive and some had to quarantine due to being offices with then and the like.

So on Monday between covid, storms and fires only about 30% of nursing staff made it in the morning. I was one of that 30%. We ran our asses off, but made it through and the patient's were okay and later in the day more people did make it in.

I partly made it in cause a friend with a truck was driving me back an forth to work in the snow and even got us a hotel one night when the storm was really coming and I had less than 6 hours between shifts. He was like fuck, hotel room, a few blocks away. I am very grateful for him.

I was worked some 18 hour shifts in that all and I am quite sore!

But I never felt like stronger and less anxious and I feel about being there for the fight of 2020 and making it in for our patients. I plant to keep making it in while I can.

Snow!!!!!!!

We go massive snow coming and it might stop the fires!

@ThoughtBubble

I am sorry you are going through this. I feel you on working long hours and trying to mush, it can be hard to balance.

Sometimes when people say /everyone/ hates you or they all secretly hate you and etc, they are trying to stir up drama for their on reasons and benefit.

I wouldn't trust a third party going everyone hates you or they all hate you or this person secretly hates you. First of all it might not be true or it could be only partly true. They might be trying to stir up trouble and spark a drama between two people.

I know quarantine is getting to me when work asked me to come into the covid isolation unit for a few hours to help last night and I was like sure, it is something to do!

I was like omg....I need life to go back to normal, when going to my job is getting out and doing something.

Also I might post on game, working 4 back to back long shifts, might not be around so much the next few days.