@ghost I have to admit, I find myself agreeing with you more today than I have in years. Thank you for saying a lot of what I've been thinking and haven't been able to articulate.

I've rarely had chars outright die, but I always seem to lose them long before I consider their story done. Sometimes, (not all the time, just sometimes,) I have someone where I can do private RP outside the game, exploring the what-ifs or the last of the story until something new replaces it. Not all the time, though.

The rest of the time, I let myself grieve because stories get a little too real to me and losing them is HARD.

@Ghost Look. You keep defending Spider, but numerous people brought evidence. They brought logs. They brought anecdotes. The staffers came in and told their tale.

None of that happened in a vacuum. If you need to defend someone, (in my opinion,) pick a better subject. Spider is a lot of the reason why I want evidence before I'm willing to ban someone. I've seen too many people hounded off a game because Spider decided they were doing something wrong and told Spider's in-crowd. (Edited to fix pronouns.)

@Macha I've been through this. When you need to, take off to the bathroom or someplace private, have a few minutes of tears or whatever, then go back to work. Rinse, repeat. Then go home and have a good shower and a big cry. Rinse, repeat ad nauseum.

You can do this. For me, it helped to remember that the Victorians used to have a two or three year period where you were /expected/ to grieve intermittently, it's part of the wearing of black for that time period. We don't allow ourselves enough time to properly grieve in this day and age.

I'm sending virtual hugs.

The thing about VASpider is this: she's friendly, cheerful, personable, charismatic, helpful, kind, and will run lots of plot for you.

That's how she gets her minions. And staff friends.

And she's that way for a good long time, up until one day, someone does something that upsets her or she feels like she's been thwarted or she just feels like overturning the apple cart. And if she doesn't have any visible enemies, she'll turn on one of her own, and get all her minions to do the same. And suddenly, that person is being targeted with no clue why.

Sound familiar to anyone here? All of you people claiming that wanting evidence is evil? You're absolutely wrong. Because Spider had a way of making it so that even asking for the logs was 'mistrusting' her. And if you think other people won't do the same thing...well, I've watched it happen on other games.

"People are complaining," says Staffer A to the headwiz. They don't mention WHICH people. Just people. The headwiz decides to take action and come down hard on the person that "people" are complaining about without ever asking for evidence because Staffer A is trustworthy. Thing is, it's not "people." It's just Staffer A, who's having a bad day or a bad year or a bad life, or isn't getting enough attention that week, whichever. But because that staff is a closed circle and an echo chamber, no outside dissent comes into it.

Always ask for evidence. Trust, but verify. Don't assume that because someone is your friend, they're entirely objective and unbiased.

@GreenFlashlight And again, we have this argument.

Bring. Receipts. Is. Not. A. Bad. Default.

I don't know you from Adam, you could be a liar of the highest order. How do I know this? I've run afoul of VASpider and her at-the-time coterie and they sure as hell did a number on me on her say-so. For over two years. So you may not trust authority but I don't trust a mob mentality OR authority, even when the authority is mine. I second-guess myself so much that I annoy people and myself.

It's not about litigation, it's about bringing ANY kind of evidence.

Also, the people no longer welcome on this board are the ones who want to bring the personal attacks. Personally, I want to hear from the people who've been scared into silence for the last few years.

I'm just going to come out and say it: @Nymeria. You are indeed racist and it shows. You're proving it by word and deed.

To quote Maya Angelou, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

You've been showing us for years.

@greenflashlight I can provide one.

The argument over wanting evidence to ban someone on a game, even minimal evidence. There were a great number of those that were banned who were arguing that no evidence was needed, believe victims wholesale just because they said it.

Derp came down on the side of "Uh...that's not ok." (So did I, so did a number of people who I'll not name out of courtesy.)

Derp was the only one who was told what a terrible, misogynistic, evil rape apologist he was for wanting basic facts. But a HUGE percentage of people who were arguing it did it. What is that but brow-beating, name calling, and bullying?

No one called me a rape apologist for saying believe-but-verify. Why is that, do you think?

As long as there's a place that sells cabbages.

No one's mentioned this yet, but Knives Out was a fantastic amount of fun for anyone who's ever vaguely liked Agatha Christie type mysteries. The cast is phenomenal, the acting is brilliant, and several of the cast seem to be having the "I'm getting PAID for this? This job is the BEST!" kind of time in their roles.

@Ghost FUCK NO. That is creepy and stalkery behavior and fucking disgusting.

If people want nothing to do with someone, be fucking honest and ask for a chance. OR, fucking respect their choices. Consent based on a lie is not consent.

God, I'm just sitting here grossing the fuck out.

Sorry, everyone, that person is now banned for hate speech and flagrant rule-breaking.

Bob Newhart, 94.

Donald Sutherland.

@Juniper That's kind of the best resolution to that kind of petty stomping out. "Ok. Bye." sounds of fun being had without them.

Mine is my char from the old WoD IRC channel. I seem to recall that it had something to do with a fire goddess but it was a take on a fire goddess's name and it's been so long that I can't remember the mythology it came from.

I do tend to recycle old MU names, but it has to do with how hard I connected with the char in the first place and the wish to give them extra life.

@Macha I have the same problem. It's why I like PBs.

@Macha He looks so happy!

There's one guy who was on The Network and then on another game that I was on who would vault over boundaries. The second time he did it, he did it while not using his normal Ares handle so I wouldn't know it was him. (I figured it out on my own, anyway. He had very noticeable patterns.)

To quote a friend, "Consent that you have to lie to get isn't consent." Frankly, I don't understand how anyone can leave MUshing due to bad experiences and distrust and then complain that those of us who stayed want to be able to know who we associate with on a regular basis. That's a pretty big disconnect, thinking that it's OOC drama to ask for that information. It's not, it's called informed consent. If someone is on the receiving end of the question, that's not OOC drama, it's someone being self-protective due to past incidents, or actively trying to avoid OOC drama.

Hell, I know there's a number of people who don't want to RP with me. I do my best to respect that. I'm an acquired taste and I get that I'm not everyone's cuppa.

What I do is try to find the person who's a RL friend who wants the same kind of RP. Either come into the game with an established "relationship" or map out what the two of you want to happen in RP and actually stay in communication. Then we both have a shield from predators. This has worked on numerous games.

For meeting new people, there's always networking within the friend-group you have. "Do you know who this person is or know them from another game?"

But really, you are 100% in control of the information you give out, so be very sure before you give it out. Predators will stalk even without the personal info, so don't jump in with both feet the first time you chat with someone OOCly. If they're giving you their life story before you've even said hello, it's a red flag.