Posts made by surreality

I want a Don't Panic! room, full of bubble wrap, bean bag chairs, fuzzy throws, abundant kittens, and an endless coffee dispenser. With Netflix.

@Arkandel I shouldn't laugh. I shouldn't. But that sounds so, so, so familiar. Like, that was just the stuff in the closet with the door we weren't supposed to open. There was a fenced-in area at the back of the other side of the basement with steel walls behind the fencing and locks on both. I don't even want to know.

@Macha ALL the hugs. All of them. All. You told her the right thing. I know it doesn't feel like enough to you right now, but it matters, and it genuinely counts.

@Auspice Danke. I need to check in with the husband about it. He's sorta wanted to do this for a while, not sure why. But I had, of course, always objected. No more objections. There's been a bat by the door since this started up for a reason.

I am not above digging through the old garden tools in my parents' basement next door. My grandfather's workshop is down there. He invented a long-reach pulley toothed scythe-type-thing for sawing medium-sized branches without a ladder back in the 30s through the 50s. All the old prototypes are still down there, rusting in patches for that extra level of 'fuck all the way off'.

The only actual weapons training I have is in halberd, because life is made entirely out of irony, I guess.

I may be a short runty weak fat bitch, but I am a short runty weak fat bitch who is just crazy enough to haul that shit out and use it on a person who will not fuck off if they are fool enough to show up at my door.

@Macha Yeah, I need small for 'short woman with zero upper body strength'. I'm not in a place with super-restrictive anything, though it's not, say, Florida, either.

When I was in elementary school, there was a friend of mine whose father sold "interesting" military surplus. The closet we weren't allowed to play in had an honest to gods rocket launcher in it. Wishing I hadn't lost touch with them over the decades all of a sudden!

@Macha The current one hasn't shown up in person. The continued escalation, the persistence, and the increasing separation from reality are making that seem inevitable, however.

Hence: will be discussing options for firearms with the husband after work. Because I am so fucking done 'hoping for the best' and not taking steps to secure the house and my person in this situation.

@Macha The previous dude was the guy I dated when I was in junior high and high school, and was years back, thankfully. I don't know why he stopped, but eventually he did.

I just really do not need round two, and the current person keeps escalating.

@Macha Our local police are fairly useless about this kind of thing, but whether he was just making shit up again or not, he mentioned being visited by the FBI and secret service already. I'd start there, since if it is true, they already have a file on him, and the hurdle re: 'please listen because this is a thing that is happening' (which is huuuuuuge) would be somewhat diminished. If it was bullshit, then it's time to call the locals.

I'm not trusting that so much 'cause I have dealt with a person who chased me around (who lives right in town and showed up the house regularly, pounding on the doors and windows and screaming at the house at all hours, calling all the time to harass, etc.) and all that ever happened was that I got threatened with noise complaints from him screaming and banging on things. Totally ridiculous.

@Taika We have two cats, tiny space, and it would cost over a grand for fencing, so a dog is really kinda out of the question for us.

@Taika No dog, but we have an ample stock of prop medieval weapons and the occasional animal skull hanging on the wall. That helps with prowlers never daring, but prowlers aren't... this.

It is probably a good thing I'm staying off the one game I play on, even if it's for other reasons at the moment, because I would feel awful if this person showed up there and started up with the harassment and crap. I have been very concerned that this will happen, and alerted the staff, but hopefully my not being around at the moment will head that off at the pass.

@Taika ...yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, it's been that kind of month. It surfaces now and then, but it's getting persistently problematic over the past month.

This time, starting with the person logging in as a guest on a game and paging me my full, RL name, without identifying themselves. It got profoundly worse from there.

More worryingly, there's a massive separation from reality going on and a fixation on me somehow magically and all of a sudden I'm the root cause of all the problems someone I have barely communicated with since the 90s has.

This combination is not safe.

The person disclosed that the FBI and secret service have already come to visit them about some of their behaviors, and while I don't know if I believe that, it would not surprise me and it is at least a place to start.

While far be it for me to defend our usual asshat troll Rick, this is not Rick. He's a jackass, clearly, but it wouldn't be cool to let people wonder if it's him since he's the more well-known 'chase surr all over and be a creepy asshat' on the forum. It's not him, and it wouldn't be cool to let people (perhaps reasonably) guess that it might be.

There's a reason I had to lock down all PMs/private chats here, and, yep, this same person is why. Third account he's done it from inside a month. Ark and Gany have been champs about this and are on top of it, thankfully, and they deserve mad props for it.

That moment when you realize it is absolutely time to buy a gun for your own safety, you may have to contact the frickin' FBI, and may have to start looking into another state's requirements and procedures to have someone committed to a psychiatric institution.

@Macha Definitely request a copy of the documents. If you know you didn't sign it, you can literally point to this as fact when you have them.

@Arkandel Costumes, too. Especially with the thing this week. I told the maternal one to watch for it and she was practically giddy, it was adorable.

Double post. Deal with it. Here is more text because spoiler tags, they are fussy bastards.

***I keep forgetting to yammer about this one. It's been a distracting few weeks.***

@Sockmonkey ...well, they keep saying the ending is going to be 'bittersweet', so... perfectly on point.

There is a twisted part of my soul that wants to make a parody Starbucks logo now with the kraken tentacles, tho. If only my illustrator skills were up to par, but alas.

***But if we're going there...***

Because I am me, I noticed this and went 'awwwwwyisssssss' but pretty sure no one else will care. But if/when you watch this episode again...

***Costume Geek Moment!***

Y'all are very much appreciated. Just peeking in and out, but thank you.

I'm firm on 'if brain is in a bad place, stay off games' and try to contain drama here if it occurs vs. letting it happen on games. If people simply must be terrible for whatever reason, better they do it here, pretty much. In more crass terms, 'never shit where you eat'.

But, really... it's better to just not deal with drama period at the moment. There's enough shit on the plate as it is.

This is pretty heavy for a peeve, but it isn't anger, so, well, it's here. (It may be anger so vast I just can't see the size of it right now.)

I try. Laugh if you want, roll your eyes all you want, but that doesn't make it untrue. Typically, I try really hard.

And it's really just not making any difference any more.

Over the past few years, it's become increasingly apparent to me that while I'm expected to consider every possible aspect of the feelings of others, mine are rarely considered. I'm going to tuck in a thank you here for the folks who are the exception to that rule, even if it is something as simple as 'please don't call me dude'. I appreciate that, y'all. I actually do. It's good of you, and it speaks well of you.

It's that most of the world just isn't like that, even when it comes to the big stuff, or the actually important stuff, so while I still try to keep those things in mind re: others, to the best of my ability -- everyone, including me, fucks that up sometimes, but I actually feel bad when I do -- some of the people who have been closest to me in my life pretty much don't seem to have a single fuck left to give.

So, Tempest & co., bring on the mockery that surr's whining again, I guess. I expect nothing else from you; it doesn't even bother me any more.

RL-wise, I'm staring down the barrel of something scary on a number of levels. (Yeah, the dental crap.) By the time all is said and done it will be over $66k. We make $24k/year. (Go ahead and mock us for being poors, too, if it strikes your fancy.) I haven't been able to eat much of anything since this started; people talk about 'dental death' being a reality for animals and ancient humans and it sounds like something that is weird or impossible, but, hey, I totally grok that shit now; if you can't eat, you can't eat. It's all going to cost a small fortune, to the extent I don't sleep at night any more because the anxiety over it all keeps me from sleeping at all, and no amount of Xanax in the world makes a damned bit of difference.

And it could all still go wrong, and it could all still fail. Someone I previously trusted pulled a bit of underhanded double-standard bullshit last night and then threw in a dig about that just to be vicious and ugly and compound the hurt they were intentionally causing.

On my desktop is a pro and con list, very seriously considered, no matter how stupid y'all may feel it may be, re: 'should I just quietly kill myself and spare my family this expense over something that may not even work', and it isn't a joke, just as this isn't some plea for sympathy or back-pats. (Like, please don't?) This is my parents giving up all of their happy things in retirement plans. This is me and my husband going into long-term debt we can't possibly afford. This is me not being able to afford the supplies to do the job I've done since I was in gradeschool, let alone build up toward the new one I've spent time and energy working toward. This is no more dinners out, or movies, and the only reason we're still doing this year's vacation is because we had to pre-pay a year in advance before all of this happened, and it's going to be the last one we ever take. (Winning lottery ticket, now's the time?) There are reasons, and there is knowing I'm not a useful person (and this is like GoT's Wall in the way of becoming one), and there is knowing my family truly deserves better than all of that. So, there's kinda no not at least thinking about it.

24 hours ago, I had two close friends outside my family. I have one now, and 24 hours from now, I probably won't have that one, either. (Preen and smug about it if you want, consider it your proof of what a horrible shit-pile of a human being I am if it tickles your fancy.)

Shit is only going to get worse from here, whether it's for a while, or permanently (and no I don't mean 'dun dun dun FATALITY' there). I have no idea which it's going to be yet.

Whichever it ultimately is, it's not a good time for me to be around here, much as I do enjoy this place and the vast majority of the people here. I make a point of not logging into games when shit gets bad, and it's pretty stupid of me to have not included MSB under that umbrella as well until now -- which I've kinda proven repeatedly and in spectacular fashion, and don't want to do again. The 'games don't deserve to deal with me when I'm like this' always made sense, and frankly, y'all are the same crowd and even if not, y'all don't deserve it, either.

So, uh. Be good to each other, folks. I'll pop back in when I have a hope in hell of keeping my shit together.

@Pandora And here is a sentence to fill up the new posts thingum so nothing shows under the spoiler tag, I do hope it is long enough. Where is my lorem ipsum template when I need it?

***Things are here.***