@kk Thank you.
It doesn't help that like most MUSHers, I do struggle with social anxiety and depression. I have that struggle with imposter syndrome etc. So it's kind of triggering to find out that yeah, actually, the shoulder demon was correct with these certain individuals.
Which is totally on me, I guess. Kinda goes back to maybe this hobby isn't for me anymore, no matter how good it has been to me in the past.
@Caryatid Thanks guys. This basically confirms that I am doing everything I can to be adult and not toxic. I have actually sacrificed my rp time for the past two weeks over this latest one, trying to do exactly what you described, and got no where. It was pulling teeth to get them to even admit there was a problem. (And my free time is exceedingly small, as I usually have to work 11 hour days or more.)
If I attempt to address things openly but everyone involved rejects that attempt, I guess there's no where to go with it. Even typing this up is making me realize it's coconuts that I spent this much time trying to make things work, given my life situation.
It's a small MUSH community, and it's time to take the hint, I guess.
@Ghost I am thinking I might put together some low key MOTW games. I have been wanting to do that for a while. Maybe if I can locate some people in my time zone, I can get something started.
Thought I'd throw this up here... with the crazy weather and covid and just life in general, I seem to have lost touch with the cool people out there. I'm still alive, but only half heartedly gaming when I have time.
If you are one of the nice people, hit me up and I can send my Discord handle or whatever. After two decades of MUSHing, I am in withdrawal. 
Trelawney Cove: Owen
BSG (don't recall the title): Aldrich
Sweetwater something-or-other: Jo
HorrorMu: The Analyst
PernWorld: Br'aby, N'on, K'ren... and probably other idle alts I'm forgetting.
Buffy game whose title escapes me: Louis
There's a bunch of others that I can't recall at the moment, but if I think of one, I'll add it.
@Misadventure lol, I.... think you probably have a point.
@Ghost I am thinking I might put together some low key MOTW games. I have been wanting to do that for a while. Maybe if I can locate some people in my time zone, I can get something started.
@kk Thank you.
It doesn't help that like most MUSHers, I do struggle with social anxiety and depression. I have that struggle with imposter syndrome etc. So it's kind of triggering to find out that yeah, actually, the shoulder demon was correct with these certain individuals.
Which is totally on me, I guess. Kinda goes back to maybe this hobby isn't for me anymore, no matter how good it has been to me in the past.
@kk It's never "everyone". It's always one individual with similar behavior patterns. Like to the point that it could be the same player each time for all I know. I don't generally waste time trying to guess what alts a person might have had in the past... But given how different my characters are from each other, it would be WILD if it really was the same player.
@Caryatid Thanks guys. This basically confirms that I am doing everything I can to be adult and not toxic. I have actually sacrificed my rp time for the past two weeks over this latest one, trying to do exactly what you described, and got no where. It was pulling teeth to get them to even admit there was a problem. (And my free time is exceedingly small, as I usually have to work 11 hour days or more.)
If I attempt to address things openly but everyone involved rejects that attempt, I guess there's no where to go with it. Even typing this up is making me realize it's coconuts that I spent this much time trying to make things work, given my life situation.
It's a small MUSH community, and it's time to take the hint, I guess.
@silverfox Yeah, I had just about convinced myself this was the issue until I was explicitly told they secretly hated me for a while now, and apparently I didn't pick up on it.
@GangOfDolls I went through this exact line of logic. In this last case, I convinced myself I was being overreactive until they explicitly told me that they have no desire to interact with me, and the fact that they detest me was confirmed by staff.
But ya know, you have the point. I am the common denominator. Except that this happens no where else in my life but within MUSH culture. So I am at a loss to explain what I am bringing to the table to cause it. I tend to be pretty open to self-improvement, but it's kinda hard to self-improve when you can't get feedback about what's going wrong. 
So I'm not sure that I should share this here. Small world and all... But I feel like I'm at a cross roads with this hobby. I think I still have friends here, but the last time I played a game where I didn't have at least one person making it an exhausting tight rope walk was over 5 years ago. So I thought maybe someone out there might have some advice.
There's a thing that keeps happening to me over and over and over... I will be having fun on a game. All feedback from fellow RPers will be positive. Then out of the blue, some other player will decide they don't like me and start a passive aggressive campaign to make it difficult for me to RP (usually without a single conversation with me directly), no matter how hard I try to please them. Usually they are friends with staff. Sometimes they actually ARE staff.
Usually I think everything is perfectly fine until suddenly, I find out they have been trying to convince other people that I am the devil, without ever even having a conversation with me to discuss their grievance. To the credit of the staff of most games, they seem to recognize this behavior as childish and inappropriate, but the only staffer who has been willing to handle it in a way that doesn't effectively kill the game for me is Fara. (Thanks Faraday!)
I used to get angry. Then it started being funny. Now I'm just so weary of having an otherwise healthy and fun activity turned into the opposite of fun.
Normally my solution would be to avoid the troublemaker. But somehow it always seems to be the most active person on the game (I am talking like present for 90 percent of all rp that happens on the game...) Since my RL job makes my availability limited, if these people don't choose of their own volition to take a break during the limited days I can play, I have to either court trouble by joining a public scene knowing they also want to join, or just skip that day and know it will be a week before I get another chance.
My question is, is this just me? Does this happen to other people? How do you handle it, if so? Is there an option besides just giving up on yet another otherwise fun game?
I'm not down for forcing myself down the throat of people who don't like me, but it's also a bummer to constantly feel forced off fun games by active people who hate me for reasons they won't share, and refuse to address like adults.
Does this hobby just not want me here and most people are just too nice to say? Or am I just having bad luck with nonconfrontational staff who don't know how to deal with toxic members of the community?